The Macho Mystique
I find it more of an effort to build a consensus with guys who conform to an outdated idea of masculinity. The former “conventional wisdom” contained things like…
1. You must always be right
2. Confidence is a must; you must always know better than others
3. Violence is the first, best outlet for anger
4. Restraining from physical violence is doing someone else a favor
5. Women are objects
6. Choosing to, or not to, have sexual relations with a woman is a favor to them
7. Authority derives from titles and physical strength
8. Physical appearance is a character strength or flaw
9. Everyone knows everything about every sport, thus sports are the ultimate metaphor
I could go on but I think you get the idea. Do you have any idea how hard it is to build a consensus with a mindset like that? EVERYTHING becomes a confrontation. How did we get through the 50s? I mean, just think about the implications of some of those points…
1. If you can never be wrong, you can never learn unless it’s BEFORE you act
2. It’s statistically impossible, no matter how awesome you are, to ALWAYS know better
3. Violence is actually the first, best way to end up in jail and anger management classes
4. Not assaulting someone is not a favor, it’s obeying the law
5. Not only are women people, you’re bound to find one with more authority than you
6. Men aren’t the gatekeepers of sex that some think we are, particularly at work
7. Authority can derive from being correct, a strong argument, experience, or intelligence
8. Many people have very limited control over their appearance such as facial blemishes
9. There are some people who don’t watch sports; some of them are men even
So in order to reach a consensus with these people without things becoming violent or a power struggle you need to inform them of everything before they act, make criticism sound like it was their idea, not be a woman, have an important-sounding title, not be ugly, and be able to fake your way through a sports metaphor.
Thankfully it’s somewhat rare that I need to work with this sort of person and I think I avoid all of those areas over which I have no control (gender, appearance, etc) by dumb luck. But it’s draining. This is the time of year when the misogynists come out of the woodwork and working in a team almost completely made up of women makes for quite the tap dance at times. I would happily confront some of these individuals but when I’ve done so in the past it wasn’t always viewed as appropriate, so “sensitivity” becomes the path of least resistance…except for the whole draining thing.
