The Macho Mystique Comment
I received some interesting comments regarding this entry; I’ll post the original line (small font), the comments (italics), and then my reply (normal font).
2. Confidence is a must; you must always know better than others
“Confidence is a must, but you don’t always know better than others. I don’t think these things have to be connected. I have all the confidence in the world and if there’s something I don’t know how to do, I don’t approach it meekly.”
3. Violence is the first, best outlet for anger
“This is true for rednecks, although I have to say that when you’re really angry, punching an inanimate object does make you feel better.”
Yea, I was more referring to violence against people, although property damage is a whole other issue.
4. Restraining from physical violence is doing someone else a favor
“Yeah, you’re doing them a favor. They don’t have to make a court appearance or fill out paperwork, etc.”
5. Women are objects
“I frequently jest about this, especially with my female co-workers. They find it funny. Nobody really thinks this.”
You’d be surprised.
6. Choosing to, or not to, have sexual relations with a woman is a favor to them
“This one is touchy, because our society is set up so women hold all the keys to sex and I kind of like the idea that a woman should have to do a little bit of work if she wants some nookie. I don’t think we’re doing them a favor, but I wouldn’t mind seeing a paradigm shift to where it’s men that “get headaches”. Know what I mean?”
Absolutely.
7. Authority derives from titles and physical strength
“This is very true in a bar. It’s a very Cro-Magnon thing that we still do today. We’re pretty much one step away from beating our chests and dragging our women off by the hair.”
Do titles really make a difference in a bar?
8. Physical appearance is a character strength or flaw
“This is an ideal based entirely on society, but different people find different physical appearances desirable. For example, white people in Asia are seen as affluent and desirable. I don’t think that physical appearance can be attributed to strength or weakness of character, except in some cases. Take me for example. I’m sure you remember when I had acne in High School, not exactly a character flaw because it was out of my control. Me being a fatty on the other hand, purely because I’m too lazy to work out; that could be considered a character flaw.”
I wonder if there’s an evolutionary component to this. Also I think having a blemish that’s out of your control could actually be character building rather than a flaw but when it comes to things under your control I think you have a point.
How did we get through the 50s?
“2 words: Beaver Cleaver”
1. If you can never be wrong, you can never learn unless it’s BEFORE you act
“But if you say “I don’t know”, you’re technically not wrong.”
That requires the self-awareness to admit it though.
2. Its statistically impossible, no matter how awesome you are, to ALWAYS know better
“Have you met James T. Kirk?”
He couldn’t save his son.
I know, it’s a low blow but it’s a valid point.
3. Violence is actually the first, best way to end up in jail and anger management classes
“True and true, but also understand that if someone is threatening you and you threaten back, 90% of the time, they’ll back down. You almost never want to be the guy that backs down. Maybe it’s just me, but like I mentioned earlier, it’s one of those Cro-Magnon things.”
You contradict yourself though – you say stand up for yourself and 90% of the people will back down but then you say never back down. If everyone followed your advice no one would back down and fights would break out all over. I think one of the flaws of the macho mindset is they tend to only see things from their perspective but if everyone were like them the system wouldn’t work yet they look down at people who aren’t like them. I prefer the Veil of Ignorance myself.
4. Not assaulting someone is not a favor, its obeying the law
“Again, True”
5. Not only are women people, you’re bound to find one with more authority than you
“And those chicks are HOT and should be owned by me!”
Like A Few Good Men, eh? “There’s nothing sexier than a woman you have to salute in the morning” and all that?
6. Men aren’t the gatekeepers of sex that some think we are, particularly at work
“As far as I know, we’ve never been the gatekeepers of sex.”
Generally, yes.
7. Authority can derive from being correct, a strong argument, experience, or intelligence
“I think this can be situation dependant. I think this is true in a world I would like to live in, but not one that Jeff Foxworthy wants to live in.”
Hence me saying “can” and not “always”
8. Many people have very limited control over their appearance such as facial blemishes
“Agreed.”
This is the time of year when the misogynists come out of the woodwork and working in a team almost completely made up of women makes for quite the tap dance at times. I would happily confront some of these individuals but when I’ve done so in the past it wasn’t always viewed as appropriate, so sensitivity becomes the path of least resistance…except for the whole draining thing.
“You mention having to tap-dance around your team of mostly women, and this I find disconcerting. You’re the dude in charge. You have the authority, no tap-dancing should be required. Yes, you have to stay sensitive to your co-workers needs and welfare, but only to a point. They’re there to work, not attend a pot-luck with their friends. I wish I was in charge of your section for like a week. They would welcome you back with the largest party ever.”
I think you misunderstand, I don’t have to tap dance around my team – I have to tap dance around the misogynists who say only vaguely inappropriate things that don’t quite cross the line. I don’t want to pick a fight or start an argument but I don’t want to let the slight against members of my team go unaddressed and I sure as hell don’t want to agree with them or say something I don’t believe in just to get the interaction over with. So I have to say non-confrontational things when that’s what I want to do and not lie or compromise my morals in the process. Basically it boils down to carefully choosing your battles, like the guy who crossed the line last year and ended up crying while begging for forgiveness after I was done with him.
