Why Jon Stewart Is Hosting The Oscars
It’s an election year for the highest office this side of the UN so grab your hopes and dreams and don’t forget the popcorn.
The Iowa primary coming so close after New Years really kicks things into gear early. Keep in mind I watch election results the way some people watch the Super Bowl. I took a night out of my Vegas trip to watch the midterms for Pete’s sake.
It’s great political theatre, the stakes couldn’t be much higher, the candidates aren’t too scary and the speculation, mmm, it’s delicious.
As I write this it’s still a day before Iowa and I’m still praying Obama and McCain deliver crushing victories. The world and my blood pressure would both be better off.
But what about those names not on the ballot? Who do I wish were in the game?
#1 - Howard Dean
The guy made a funny noise years ago, I think we’ve moved on. He’s brilliant and charismatic, I’d love to see Obama crush him.
#2 - Wesley Clark
Brilliant and qualified, brings further legitimacy to the Iraq debate.
#3 - Ralph Nader
Face it, you’re more of a Democrat than a Republican, why not join a team that can win and change things from the inside?
#4 - Martin Sheen
You laugh now, give it time I say.
#5 - Al Sharpton
Run as a Republican, hijack the agenda with #7 below. I want to make an Undercover Brother joke but I’m afraid.
#6 - Vilsack!
I’d buy a duck. Vilsack!
#7 - Stephen Colbert
Run as a Republican nation-wide, make a total mockery of the party.
#8 - Noam Chomsky
Is he still alive?
#9 - Clone JFK
I’ll run the nature versus nurture risk on this long shot even if it is illegal, we stand too much to gain.
#10 - Ross Perot
Is he still alive? Run as an Independent and split the crazy-right-wing-f*cker vote.
People you’d think I’d want to run but don’t…
#1 - Jon Stewart
He’d split the vote on the left.
#2 - Bill Maher
He’s better at critiquing than making policy alternatives, he’ll tell you so.
#3 - How About A Green Party?
See #1
#4 - Al Gore
While I’d love to see him mix it up with the leash off I don’t think my poor old heart would survive going through that again - I’m going to be 30 in a few years after all.
#5 - Traffic Pylon
See #1
#6 - David Palmer (Dennis Haysbert)
Writer’s Strike and even if not they’re needed on 24.
#7 - Roberto Luongo
Some people don’t understand politics.
#8 - William Shatner
See #7. Nimoy maybe…
#9 - Jon Cassar
Needed on 24, plus he’d blow it all up cuz it’s fun.
#10 - Me
It sounds like an awful lot of work
#11 - Optimus Prime
Too busy on Transformers sequel
