Grazing Rites

If you thought the first test was funny, this is the reason I requested this story be published. If you know the person who wrote this I recommend you request to hear it, it’s much funnier that way. It’s like Seinfeld said in the introduction to his book, print humour requires the reader to provide the timing and emphasis to make it funny.

Now in their infinite wisdom, they decide (while still processing the paperwork in Ottawa) to schedule ANOTHER fitness test. Of course me being me and not caring at all about this test, I said, “well I’m releasing anyway…couldn’t we just cancel it?” I got a bunch of “yeah sure” and “no problem” from my bosses. 3 days before the test, my boss comes to me and says, “Well you’re not out yet, so you got to go do it.” Dumbfounded, I looked at him and said, “You know, if I have to do it, I’m just going to make a mockery out of it. Why don’t we try to avoid that?”

So a few days later, I walk into the gym to do the test. I get changed into sports gear and I walk right up to the people that conduct the test and I say, “Listen, I’m releasing and I really shouldn’t even be here. Could we just put down zeros and let me get on with my day?  I just don’t want to have to make a mockery out of this if I don’t have to”  Unwilling to listen to reason, they tell me that I can’t do that, I have to do it, it’s a requirement, blah blah blah.  You get the idea.  I said to her, “Alright, but don’t feel bad with what I do.”  So I line up for the running portion.  The nice lady comes up to me and says, “Oh, your shoes are untied.”  I look right back at her and say, “oh, don’t worry.  I’m not actually planning on running today.”  She said that I had to or she would mark me down as non-participatory.  Thinking to myself, “that’s probably a bad thing”, I took the test….for about 16 seconds.  I did 3 push-ups (and yes, I can do more) and 5 sit-ups (again, I can do more).  Didn’t slouch on the grip test though.  Got 120 lbs combined.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the final chapter, at least as it stands now.

This entry was posted on November 23, 2007 at 7:05 pm and is filed under Guest Writer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.