Grazing Rites

A mistake by someone else resulted in me going in for a full extra day of work last week. I didn’t mind, God knows we could use the money and there’s plenty of work that needed and needs to be done. Near the end of the day I got a visit from a couple familiar faces, George and Dennis. Made me nostalgic. It’s a real shame I don’t work directly with those guys any more.

Seriously with people like that on your team you could take over the world. George’s work ethic, intelligence, loyalty, and sense of humour to say nothing of a good never-say-die attitude would put world domination within reach.

Dennis’s friendly outgoing personality, out-of-the box thinking and analysis, loyalty, and experience to say nothing of his willingness to shoulder almost any burden without complaint would ensure you hadn’t forgotten anything and would put a spin on the take-over the populace could get behind.

So I’ve got a Chief Of Staff and a Press Secretary. Who else would I get to round out my cabinet? Sean as SecDef. Amy as VP. Ashleen Minister of the Environment. Put Patti in charge of FEMA. Alastair could be some kind of special advisor. Natalie head of the Senate. Keith head of the oversight committee.

This could work. Who’s down?

Some interesting things came up on the message board I moderate concerning the WGA strike, I thought I would share some of it with you here.

Question: “I can see why the guys/gals want more money for their work, but do they really need it?”

I have to say the issue is hardly that one-dimensional. The main issue is DVD and new media. At the resolution of the last strike both sides agreed that home video was an unproven format so the writer’s were given a very, very, mathematically ridiculously small percentage of those sales. But with DVD sales becoming so big for things like TV shows (DVD sales alone resurrected Family Guy) the previous argument of ‘we haven’t tested the market yet so you can only get a tiny tiny return as we don’t know the margins yet’ doesn’t hold. It’s a huge market and I personally want writer’s to get a fair share of that pie. I did the math and even if they got everything they’re asking for it would only be about 50 cents per $20 DVD that gets sold and we all know in negotiations you ask for everything and settle for less so whatever number is finally agreed upon it’s likely to be much less than that. As for new media they currently get NOTHING. The studio sells an episode of The Colbert Report on iTunes for such-and-such an amount, the writer whose work is being sold gets squat. Now I think a case could be made that the internet and such is an untested market so why not give them the same deal on internet sales that they gave them in the last strike for DVD sales? As to do they really need the money, when you consider the advent of direct-to-DVD content I would say yes because it will be the only source of revenue for some material and I would argue the direct-to-DVD market is growing.

Question: “When are the writers going to get to a point where they HAVE to negotiate?”

Depends on how you look at it. Various polls place public support for the companies at 4% - 8% depending on what poll you read and something like 66% - 84% support for the writers. Some writers such as those on Family Guy and, it has been rumoured, the Daily Show, and The Tonight Show are being paid out of pocket by their direct bosses or the talent or producers during the strike. According to The Huffington Post the writer’s strike will cost studios about $21.3 million per day if the strike goes into the next month on movies alone. The last strike cost the industry an estimated half a billion dollars. I would say time is on the writer’s side here.

Also initially the companies’ side said they would refuse to negotiate until the strike was over but that doesn’t make any sense. After a couple weeks they changed their position and asked to negotiate so long as new media (i.e. the internet) was not discussed. The writer’s refused to return to the table until they can at least talk about it. I believe they have since returned to the table under a media blackout.

Question: “For TV DVDs, are they given royalties at a per episode rate, or a flat fee?”

They were requesting 2.5%, which on a $20 DVD works out to 50 cents. So here are a few examples, since you’re concerned with TV shows I’ll take 3 shows I’m currently in the market for (and thus know the price)…
24 (5th season)
Cost: $57.99
Writers want $1.45
Sex & The City (6th season, first half)
Cost: $36.99
Writers want 92 cents
Family Guy (volume 5)
Cost: $34.99
Writer’s want 87 cents
And as I mentioned before this is what they have asked for, what will actually happen and what they are likely to be happy with is in all likelihood going to be less than that.

As I understand it they currently get 0.3% of the first million units and then 0.36% (hense the mathematical absurdity). So…
24
Cost: $57.99
Writers want $1.45
Currently get: 21 cents
Sex & The City
Cost: $36.99
Writers want 92 cents
Currently get: 13 cents
Family Guy
Cost: $34.99
Writer’s want 87 cents
Currently get: 13 cents

So I figure if both sides compromise and the writer’s get half of what they’re asking for it seems fair to me. Keep in mind the current figures were negotiated for VHS, not DVDs, the studios just applied the same formula from the VHS agreement. VHS tapes sold at higher prices in 1988 than DVDs sell for now and the production cost of the tapes were much higher than it costs to make a DVD today. So in addition to the ‘untested market’ issue the cost to produce the media was much higher. Now studios make MORE off DVD sales than the box office and have saved huge amounts on the cost of producing the medium but none of that has translated well for writers.

The WGA has also suggested simply doubling the current rate from 0.36% to 0.72% as a compromise so the writer’s would go from getting 4 cents on average per DVD sold they would get 8 cents. Seems incredibly reasonable to me.

Let’s break this down one last time…
24
Cost: $57.99
Writers want $1.45
Currently get: 21 cents
Would settle for: 42 cents
Sex & The City
Cost: $36.99
Writers want 92 cents
Currently get: 13 cents
Would settle for: 27 cents
Family Guy
Cost: $34.99
Writer’s want 87 cents
Currently get: 13 cents
Would settle for: 25 cents

Question: “The only question that remains is how royalties work with sales and stores selling DVDs at different prices. I imagine royalties are paid out based on what the store pays for the DVD (cost), and not the price the customer pays. Otherwise, how would sales and clearance work?”

The percentages actually come off the distributor’s gross which means the amounts I quoted with regards to TV DVDs are actually much higher than they would be. For example wikipedia says writers currently get 4 cents for the average movie DVD. That means the distributors gross a little over $11 per movie DVD so you can probably take my examples and divide all the numbers by 2.

Comment: “The corporations are taking the big risk while everyone else walks away with a paycheck”

When we’re talking about paying a percentage of sales I think it’s difficult to argue that the studios take all the risk and the writers are assured a big paycheck. If the item doesn’t sell well both lose, if it sells great both win. There’s something to be said for profit-sharing incentive.

As well oftentimes studios and large corporations interfere with the creative process, sometimes for good sometimes for bad. If studios change what someone writes but keeps their name on it there is a shared risk in terms of reputation if nothing else.

Comment: “I’m just not ready to join the status-quo on this one with the kind of paychecks given to these people”

You seem to think writers make a crazy about of money. I honestly don’t know but if it’s anything like acting or even technical work in the field there are often long periods of unemployment. It’s somewhat like sports, yes a guy makes a million dollars a year but how much of his life is viable to perform (and therefore earn) at that level?

Question: “Did you know that the writers don’t make a CENT from streming TV shows offered by networks?”

This, for me, would be the one murky sticking point. For one thing do the studios receive a separate revenue from commercials contained with a streamed episode? Also I’ve seen streamed episodes without commercials - how would you compensate for that? And then there’s webisodes. There are just so many possible combinations and contingencies I see this as the big hurdle. If someone else makes direct revenue off of it like iTunes or streaming commercials whose ads aren’t part of a larger arrangement hard to separate from the whole then absolutely the writers should be compensated on a percentage basis. As for the other stuff like where you can’t isolate the revenue from streaming ads or cotent without ads or webisodes it’s much trickier. Perhaps a flat rate for something like that but this IS the untested market so it’s really hard to say what’s fair.

Thanks to forum members who provided questions and comments (all in italics).

Here is the 4th and for currently last part of our ghost written series. I’m sure more updates will come in time.

August was rapidly approaching and the ship was going to be sailing for all of August and a little bit of September. Not wanting to miss my first day of classes and anxiously awaiting the word that I was to be released, I submitted a memo to not go on the August sailing. A week before we sail I was called into the office. They told me that I will be sailing and that the paperwork that I had re-signed months ago hadn’t even left the ship yet. It was sent a couple weeks after that disappointing meeting. I had to cancel all my classes, lost $150, and I had to go on one of the worst sailings ever. It’s now approaching the middle of November and I’ve still heard no word other than “It’s up in Ottawa right now.” My boss doesn’t even know if I’ll get the answer I’m looking for. What happens if I have to stay in? Well kids, I might have to go back to the gulf, but not completing the physical fitness test may be a card I can pull to get out of it. We shall see.

Since my decision to get out, life in the military has gotten somewhat better. I act differently. I act with the freedom of a guy who wants to get fired but is too good to have them actually let me go. It’s quite liberating when you never have to censor yourself. It’s like that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to get fired from the Yankee’s but just can’t do it no matter what he tries. I’ve been trying. Everything I see that I don’t like, I say “well that’s just another reason to get out of the Navy.” I’ve said it so much that it’s kind of a joke amongst my friends and co-workers here; so much so that now I have a book to write them all down in. It’s filled up faster than the ‘funny things heard at work’ book.  That fact alone is a good reason to get out of the Navy. The best part is that I have to go to Halifax (along with most of my department) to do this intense warfare qualification thing for the ship in December for a week. Guess what they did? They’ve scheduled another fitness exam…in Halifax!

If you thought the first test was funny, this is the reason I requested this story be published. If you know the person who wrote this I recommend you request to hear it, it’s much funnier that way. It’s like Seinfeld said in the introduction to his book, print humour requires the reader to provide the timing and emphasis to make it funny.

Now in their infinite wisdom, they decide (while still processing the paperwork in Ottawa) to schedule ANOTHER fitness test. Of course me being me and not caring at all about this test, I said, “well I’m releasing anyway…couldn’t we just cancel it?” I got a bunch of “yeah sure” and “no problem” from my bosses. 3 days before the test, my boss comes to me and says, “Well you’re not out yet, so you got to go do it.” Dumbfounded, I looked at him and said, “You know, if I have to do it, I’m just going to make a mockery out of it. Why don’t we try to avoid that?”

So a few days later, I walk into the gym to do the test. I get changed into sports gear and I walk right up to the people that conduct the test and I say, “Listen, I’m releasing and I really shouldn’t even be here. Could we just put down zeros and let me get on with my day?  I just don’t want to have to make a mockery out of this if I don’t have to”  Unwilling to listen to reason, they tell me that I can’t do that, I have to do it, it’s a requirement, blah blah blah.  You get the idea.  I said to her, “Alright, but don’t feel bad with what I do.”  So I line up for the running portion.  The nice lady comes up to me and says, “Oh, your shoes are untied.”  I look right back at her and say, “oh, don’t worry.  I’m not actually planning on running today.”  She said that I had to or she would mark me down as non-participatory.  Thinking to myself, “that’s probably a bad thing”, I took the test….for about 16 seconds.  I did 3 push-ups (and yes, I can do more) and 5 sit-ups (again, I can do more).  Didn’t slouch on the grip test though.  Got 120 lbs combined.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the final chapter, at least as it stands now.

I am proud to present part 2 of the ghost written opus. In yesterday’s episode we found my friend…oh screw it, just go back and read it you lazy bastard.

A week later I had a physical fitness test. I went on a big bender the night before, not caring about the dumb test that wouldn’t have any say in what happens. I don’t know if anyone reading this has ever tried to work out while hung over, but it’s not good…not good at all. Let’s just say that I had to step out to the bathroom more than once; needless to say that I didn’t pass (not that I would have anyway). 3 weeks later I’m told that I have a meeting with the Captain. This is pretty normal with a voluntary release. They always try to convince you to change your mind. I cemented myself for this and was taken aback when I discovered the meeting was so that I could be presented with a recommendation for release. Laughing inside to myself, I nodded, did all the “yes sir’s” that I needed to and signed what they wanted me to sign. I asked which release would take precedence, the voluntary or the recommended. He said that it would be the voluntary one. Right after that meeting I looked up what happens when you get one of these recommendations. What happens is that your whole file gets sent to Ottawa for an ‘Administrative Review’. These things can last a few months. I went down to the ships administration office and asked them the difference in benefits between the two types of releases. As it turns out, the recommended release allows me to be eligible for EI, it’s still considered an honorable release, and it allows me to receive severance pay, which for me, is about $10,000. I decided to withdraw my voluntary release and proceed with the recommended release. The only gamble is that I don’t have a definite date to be out, but even still, I planned to attend school in Sept.

Riiiiiiight.

I am pleased to present you the first part in a 4-part ghost-written blog entry. Basically my friend in the military told me of his trials trying to get out of the navy after being inspired by one of my posts. I recommended he post his story in his blog which predates mine but has since been neglected. He preferred to ghost write his story here as I have, well, an audience. The comedy gold comes in parts 2 and 3 in my opinion, particularly part 3, but the whole story’s interesting so enjoy…

A few years ago I was considering getting out of the Navy. I wasn’t very happy with what I was doing, nor was I happy with what the organization had become and its plans for the future. At that time it was just an idle thought in my head though. I considered what I would want to do if I got out and I finally decided that being a teacher is what I would really want to do…if I got out. A little bit of time passed and then I read in a blog (and I’ll try to quote as best I can remember) “It’s not how high on the ladder you climb, it’s knowing you’re on the right ladder.” After reading that, I thought “Wow. That directly applies to me. I’m not on the right ladder.” At this time I was just preparing to head to Halifax for 5 ½ months for a course. Truth be told, I was somewhat happy to be going on a course, but not overly happy with the course’s location. After living there for a week, I cemented the idea in my head that I wanted to get out and that I should do it sooner rather than later.

I have to pause here and explain a few things about me and the military. First off, I’m a big, mostly out of shape guy. The military does a physical fitness test every year. If you fail the test the first time, you get a ‘recorded warning’. If you fail it a second time, you get ‘counseling and probation’. We call it C&P. If you fail your C&P, you get recommended for release from the military; if you pass (like I did in 2003), the C&P goes away, but you can’t fail again or they go immediately to the recommendation for release. What generally has made them lenient in the past is the fact that I’m one of the best, most knowledgeable, and highly skilled people in my trade country wide; certainly on board my ship. Now with that knowledge, we can unpause.

The course ended a few days before Halloween and I started looking into my options for schools, courses, etc. I was only casually looking, as I was mainly pre-occupied with the upcoming festive season. In January the career manager (There’s 2 for every trade and he’s the guy who determines your eligibility for courses, where you get posted to, promotions, etc.) does his rounds of the military. You get to have a meeting with him (which you can decline) and he goes over all your information, tells you where you are on the list to get promoted, what you can do to get higher on the list, etc. He’s an advisor and he takes your thoughts and preferences into consideration when deciding things.

In my interview, he told me that my position on the promotions list was 8 out of 18. Not too bad, seeing as how not everyone makes the list. Then he told me that extra points were given to people who attended school part-time, volunteered on their own time, and who knew another language, any other language. I asked him where I would be placed if I had all those things….turns out I would have been #2. More than likely promoted this year. I thought to myself, “What do the things that I do while I’m not at work have any effect on promotions at work. I bust my ass to be the best I can be and it gets no reward…F*@# THAT!” 1 months later I had all my paperwork together to request a voluntary release. My release date was September 4th (just pure coincidence that it was the same date as the start of school) and all was good.

Or was it? Find out tomorrow!

I was going to begin a multi-part series ghost written by a guest author today but I felt the need to comment on what everyone’s talking about first.

First I would like to point out how arrogant it is of so many people to claim they know better than the people who actually witnessed the event, to say nothing of those who were involved in it and trained to deal with it. The video tells less than half the story. It’s tragic, shocking, and upsetting but it’s far from conclusive.

Here’s my take on it. The poor fellow appeared to have a weapon when he was tasered. Look closely, go frame by frame if you have to, I did. When he jolts after the first shot his arm jerks up and you can clearly see some kind of black rod in his hand, perhaps a stanchion. If that is as it appears tasering would seem a valid response.

Was it handled perfectly? No. But when in your life have you handled anything perfectly? Try that hindsight on yourself and see what you come up with.

The CBC criticized the RCMP pointing out they tasered the man in under a minute of arriving on the scene. How long are they supposed to wait before taking down someone brandishing a weapon? The CBC also implies the RCMP ignored being told he doesn’t speak English. Well it’s not like they can ignore the guy rampaging in an airport until a translator arrives. How should they have acknowledged it?

The CBC quotes a retired cop who says he doesn’t understand why the police would have gotten involved. The video shows the man throwing furniture at a woman trying to soothe him with quiet gentle words. He then trashes a computer. Is this cop saying I can throw furniture at people and break government computers with the police getting involved? That’s quite a loophole, time to rally the angry mob!

I also suspect the rules of engagement in an airport are probably a little different than anywhere else.

Now I’m not saying the RCMP were right or wrong, I’m intelligent and respectful enough to know I can’t make that determination nor should I. I wasn’t there, I don’t know the procedures, all I saw was a video that was very clear or consistent. What I AM saying is the CBC is biased or at the very least slanted in it’s reporting.

Look at the 24 newspaper that talked to a different cop who refused to make a judgment but did say that not intervening was not an option. He also pointed out the video is interrupted or pans away at too many critical points to be conclusive. Seems a much rational and reasoned approach than the CBC’s guy. Which one of them would you think has an agenda?

I also have an issue with people who use this to claim tasers shouldn’t be in the hands of police. I feel the police need as many nonlethal options as possible. I say every officer should be certified and allowed to carry one. Yes this incident is tragic but how many deaths have tasers prevented by providing a nonlethal alternative? Unfortunately you cannot get numbers on that.

So in conclusion I suggest you take the Socratic approach, to paraphrase Bill & Ted be smart enough to know you nothing. We have neither the information, training, or experience to judge this. If you doubt me think about this, it was an airport - don’t you think it was all caught on a surveillance camera or three that DOESN’T cut out or pan away? I know I can’t judge until I see that footage and I likely never will.

“It’s not as easy as it was
or as difficult as it could be
for the samurai in autumn”

It’s getting to be like you need some martial arts skill just to go to work during these windstorms. Last year as a large branch flew at me I had to duck down and use my umbrella to form a protective turtle shell and even then only narrowly escaped harm. The other day a sign advertising coffee came at me and I had to harness my inner Jedi to deflect it with my closed umbrella.

I have to admit a part of me didn’t like all the talk of preparing for the so-called ’storm season’. Yes windstorms are a possibility, a distinct one to be sure, but the media’s been treating it like a foregone conclusion.

We had some pretty devastating storms over the last couple years but even global warming contains fluctuations. It’s not a straight line, which is why some right-wing idiots have been able to bury their heads in the rapidly-expanding desert sand and say foolish things like “all the science isn’t in” like it were election results. As if scientific inquiry into nature has an end point. Nature’s too unpredictable which, ironically, is why I refused to take windstorms as a given.

Whoops.

On my way to work yesterday I saw 2 incredible things. And remember this is coming from a guy who has now accepted removing pools from intersections as normal.

A sheet of siding ripped off the side of an apartment building and proceeded down the street. Oddly enough despite refusing to stay on the building it had been affixed to for years it obeyed all traffic rules. Stayed in it’s lane, stopped for red lights, etc.

And this was by far the more normal of the two incidents.

Waiting for a connection I saw an apartment on the corner of a building. It had one window facing east and one facing south. The occupant opened the south-facing window a crack (no more than an inch, no less than a centimeter) just as a gust of wind came by. It blew out the east-facing window which traveled laterally east about 8 feet dropping by half a meter and then hovered in mid-air for a couple seconds.

It then came crashing down hitting 2 cars. The only cars within a block. The window shattered on impact. The cars didn’t even slow down. I was about the only pedestrian who reacted in a physically observable way. Everyone else saw nothing odd about it.

So, windstorms are a given, global warming is linear without fluctuation, and the Matrix has us. Got it.

A few days after the writer’s strike began a Best Of The Colbert Report DVD was released but I have yet to pick it up. I bought I Am America (And So Can You!) the day it came out so why haven’t I gotten the DVD yet? A moral question, believe it or not.

The issue at hand in the writer’s strike is DVDs and new media. Nearly 2 decades ago the last strike centered on similar issues and the writers got what seemed to be a tiny piece of what the powers that be were calling an ‘untested market’. They’re trying to use the same argument nearly 20 years later!

DVD sales brought Family Guy back from cancellation so I daresay it’s now a proven market and the old logic preventing writers from getting a fair slice no longer applies. So what are these writers asking for? 2.5% of DVD sales. So of the $20 DVD you buy $0.50 would go to the genius behind it. Seems fair to me.

Now granted I don’t have a detailed understanding of the market so it may be more than it seems. I simply don’t know the margins. But even if this seemingly very small slice of the pie would come at too great an expense to someone else why not just pass the cost along to the consumer? I’m one of the cheapest most price-conscious people I know and 50 cents doesn’t impact my buying decision on DVDs.

So in my opinion, admittedly not very informed on the subject, this issue shouldn’t be hard to resolve. Especially when you consider the last strike cost the industry half a billion dollars.

What about new media? Well I say let’s break this down into 2 issues: paid and free online delivery.

Paid, such as iTunes, should pay a percentage. Unpaid such as entire episodes of a TV show hosted for free I have no idea how to resolve - this one area still IS an untested market so I have to side with management on this one.

So give the writers a negotiated percentage for DVD and paid online sales but shaft them on promotional freely provided online content they have already been paid for (i.e. A TV show which airs on broadcast TV). Someone once defined a compromise as something neither side is completely happy with but both can live with - this would seem to fit the definition.

So I’ve solved this multi-million dollar dispute in just a few paragraphs, why haven’t the professionals? Well the management side refuses to negotiate until the strike is over. Clearly these clowns don’t have the faintest idea how collective bargaining works. And if they want to negotiate without a strike they would have done so before the contract expired! So the current state of affairs can be laid at the feet of the big corporations.

And if you buy a DVD during the strike they’re the people you’re supporting. The money you spend goes into their war fund. So here’s what I suggest as a moral alternative. Take the money you would spend on DVDs and put it in a high-interest savings account. Then when the strike is over go on a shopping spree. You still get your DVDs plus a little interest and the knowledge the people who wrote what you enjoy have gotten recognized for it.

You’ll sleep better knowing you did the right thing.

A quick disclaimer: I don’t believe the UK or Canada are involved so content produced entirely in those countries should be fine. So y’all can still get me Doctor Who, Torchwood, Corner Gas, Hustle, Sarah Jane Adventures, and Dragon’s Den DVDs for Christmas. Not sure if those last 3 exist but it would be sweet if they did. Sweeter still if they existed in my sock or a box with my name on it.

Just saying.

A friend of mine from high school sent a message in response to my Smell post. Seems I’m not so crazy after all…

“Scale of 1-10….10 being the top of weirdness…wherever you place yourself I’m right there with you! I do the same thing at home obviously but I also do it in my classroom. I have to spend 8-10 hours a day there, 6-7 of them with 11 and 12 year olds and I refuse to have my classroom smelling like them or the other icky classroom smell. It’s how I make this room that I will occupy for the year mine. Others have commented on it. Both positive and negative but at the end of the day I’m the one who has to breathe it in!“

There’s been a lot of talk lately in the local media about being prepared. It seems the intense storms of winters past as well as recent American adventures in global warming disasters has motivated both the public and private sector to encourage people to be better prepared. The time frame being bandied about is 72 hours. You should be able to survive without services for 3 days.

Depending on the extent of that I think we should be okay. I once survived 10 days in the woods after all. Although there is some areas I suppose we could do better in.

The kits people are advised to have are mostly made up of what I would call household items: flashlight, batteries, radio, bandages, food, and water. Additional bonus items include emergency rain ponchos, blankets, and candles. We have all that, just to varying degrees and not in a kit.

Living on my own I went through many stages, accomplishments if you will. The first was finding a place and then pulling off the move. Of course I had a bit of a false start so I had to do that twice. But then once I settled in to my very own place an evolution began.

First it was about survival. I don’t mean to sound overly dramatic but it’s a good word for it. Having food to eat without having to resort to going out or ordering in and being able to do what I needed to work like sleep, shower, and laundry. See the money come in and go out and realize you’re okay.

Then came entertainment. Getting the TV, computer, surround sound, cable, etc set up.

Then after all that came style. Creativity, personality, pride. This was more than getting by, it was something to be proud of. One of the first things I did in this era was to get one of those Plug-in Night lights, the scented kind that doesn’t take up a socket. From that point on whenever I came home it wasn’t just to the place I sleep but a home that I had made my own. It was like it welcomed me when I came in the door.

It signaled a period of building the place up with a new computer desk, throw rug, couch, computer chair, and eventually coffee table. Everyone in my building who saw my place complimented me on it. Even my landlord said he’d never seen someone do so much with the space. It was really nice to come home and have a reason to smile.

I’ve said it before, it’s like that Depeche Mode song, In Your Room. “Where time stands still or moves at your will” I was largely in complete control, most of the time.

Now, living with other people one of whom cannot be reasoned with, you can’t help but feel a loss of control by comparison. It’s not that I resent it per se, I know the value of compromise and all that but I still find myself missing it on occasion.

Shortly after my son was born he developed something called Cradle Cap, essentially he had skin irritation on his scalp. The doctor said that oftentimes this is caused or made worse by fragrances. Baby’s skin is new, never been exposed to anything so a negative response isn’t too surprising. So I unplugged the nearly spent plug in.

We got all sorts of advice from oil of all different kinds to special creams and other things as possible treatment, some from medical professionals. Eventually it was revealed that all those treatments were placebo meant to keep over worried parents busy. This annoyed me as it implies a limited intelligence or self control on the part of the parents. I found it a little insulting to be honest, to say nothing of a waste of money, time, and patience.

I would much rather be told “don’t worry about it” than be given busy work. I’m an adult, the Doc says don’t worry then I won’t. But I digress.

Eventually it passed and it occurred to me it was probably safe to set up the plug in again. It took me awhile to get around to it but just a few days ago but the difference was striking, and to most probably a little weird. Yea the hallway smelled good but big deal right?

Well it actually had a…I don’t want to say significant so let’s go with noticeable improvement on my mood. A nice smell to greet you when you come home, a reminder of good times…I guess you could say I felt like I had regained some measure of control. Suddenly chores didn’t seem like something to sap my energy and time but an opportunity to improve my living space.

I guess it reminded me of when I was able to make a large impact on my living space without a huge amount of effort or expense and it was all for and because of me, being master of your our destiny and all that. A time when I knew best. It somehow made current challenges seem more manageable.

Quite a large impact for something so small. I guess that’s just me. Taking simple enjoyment out of the little things. Maybe that’s why I like taking things a bit at a time. Some people want everything in place right away but that’s not me. I enjoy the process. The thing we got this week made things a bit (or alot) better than the week before so why not enjoy the difference? Bask in it a little. If you get everything at once you can miss the joy of each piece.

And you can still enjoy the whole package when it’s all done, perhaps even more for an appreciation of how each bit makes things better.

Okay, vote now, scale of 1 to 10 how weird am I?

As I write this, on paper no less, I am being paid a little over $12.50/hr to be a human sign. I’m guarding two doors each with a large sign that reads:

Emergency

Exit

Only.

That last line is underlined in red. There is a large speaker with lights attached to each door. And yet still countless people ask if they can use the door. This is where I earn my pay.

I essentially read the sign to them. Sometimes I get really creative and paraphrase or simplify it. Maybe one day I’ll say it in French just to see what happens. If people would read and follow signs I wouldn’t be working tonight. I’d be at home relaxing, spending time with my family, and be $45 poorer. Still not sure which side I’m on regarding this. My family needs money but they do on rare occasion benefit from having me around. Win-win or lose-lose depending how you look at it I guess.

I overheard 2 people talking the other day about tips. They weren’t talking while they were working or on a break, they just stopped working to chat. I’m confident of this by virtue of the dirty looks their coworkers and supervisor kept giving them. It seems last year they averaged $85 per shift in tips but this year it was down to $50. “It’s like working for nothing” one complained.

Nothing? Really?

Let’s break that down. They said they only work 4 hour shifts. Let’s say they make minimum wage which is $8.15/hour in this province although I know they make more. That’s $32.60 in wages + $50 in tips so $82.60 for 4 hours or $20.65/hour which is more than I make at my day job. Now in reality they make about $12/hour so $48 in wages + $50 in tips = $98 or $24.50/hour. How is that nothing? Lazy ingrates.

-Quicker advancement?

-Benefits

-Less politics?

-More free time in August

-More money

-No GM

-Respect (no complicated explanations of my job)

-11 years with current employer

-Cell phone?

-Comfort level adjustment

-Fulfilling?

-Generally liked where I am

-Less flexible hours

-Less job security?

-Less time with family

-Less variety

-More stress with new responsibilities

-More work

-No Cool Dad perks (i.e. tickets)

-No Fair

-Uncertain new environment

I’m thinking of forming an angry mob. I think a little street justice could solve some problems not otherwise well addressed.

The guy who chain smokes in a bus shelter with no intention of ever taking a bus.

The person who enters a bus through the rear doors to avoid paying.

Idiots doing dangerous things with fireworks like letting prepubescent kids set them off.

All those folks on the bus who think they’re the only ones on it.

People who won’t let others off the skytrain or elevator before forcing their way on.

People who think it is acceptable to push you when standing in line.

Able bodied people who jump in front of the handicapped and people with strollers.

The Bush administration.

People who think stop signs and traffic lights are just suggestions, and I don’t just mean the French.

(this list is in no particular order by the way, just stream of consciousness really)

People who advertise for Christmas before November 12th.

People who go through my recycling and make a mess (that’s right, I said it).

People who protract labour disputes of near-essential services for reasons of ego.

Retailers who refuse to respond to drastic currency value changes.

The BC Liberals who spent half a million dollars to renovate an office for a public service with a funding shortfall.

Oh! The APC! Get a little mob-on-mob action going, that would be hot.

Drug dealers.

I can see a potential headline now ‘Angry mob ends gang war’.

Speaking of which, whatever happened to those red bereted fellows, The Guardian Angels? They seemed like a nice bunch. I was there when a few of them quelled a disturbance on a skytrain I was riding. I was appreciative for their intervention. People say they’re aggressive but they were nothing but polite the few times I saw them. Where did they go? Perhaps I can get them to lead my mob.

A coalition of the not willing to take it any more.

Is Twisted Sister available? Need someone to beat the war drums.