Grazing Rites

It seems the giant finger was not premeditated. Go figure. Well, either that or they don’t want to own up to it.

I tried watching World Enough And Time but it didn’t go down as planned. First they had problems at the transmission site of the premiere in LA so they simply streamed the episode but I guess many other people had learned of this before me as the website was very slow when I got to it. Eventually the site got so overloaded they had to shut it down so I was only able to catch the first 30%. It was a sweet 30% though.

It was something like 32-35 degrees out for the parade and I was in the sun for pretty much the whole thing. I didn’t feel so good after that. Thankfully Sam was able to give me a ride home early, with a stop for food. Good guy, that Sam. As much as he puts up a brave mainstream front he really does want to help people - he’s just not big on expressing the less popular emotions.

When I got home the Blade movies were on so I just crashed on the couch. As interesting as fair is it’s nice to watch things happening to other people. Fictional people so you don’t have to care. I eventually got my ass up to do a load of laundry. It’s nice to have the place to myself, it’s a shame I didn’t feel well enough to enjoy it properly.

Some interesting things today. Last carpool with Sam of the fair simply because our schedules are so different. Received a shipment I’d been waiting on. A proposal I had been waiting for approval on got green lit which lets me give good news to my team in the coming days and should also help with recruitment. Went for lunch with Eleana. Covered someone else’s position for a couple hours.

It had already been a pretty good day. It was one of my staff’s last day so she got a chance to drive the golf kart for the first time.

Then I stayed 2 hours past my scheduled shift, already 10 hours, so I could be in the parade with one of my staff. I made the offer to the whole team but only one took me up on it and I’m grateful he did. If everyone had canceled I probably would have too and I would have missed one hell of an experience. We rode in the Seuss car with a charming driver named Lisa. Her brother was the man in the yellow hat.

I brought my camera but the batteries were low so I was only able to snap a few pictures before it died. Everyone got a chuckle over the whole thing. Then I saw it on the horizon: The Jumbo-tron. I saw Peter crouching and thought back to the pranks pulled on him, Bob, and others using the Jumbo-tron.

The whispers from the previous night suddenly made sense.

I was walking, well, riding, into an ambush. What choice did I have? Put on the biggest smile I could, sing the song, and wave. Sure enough a giant hand came on the Jumbo-tron pointing right at my head.

Punked by the Jumbo-tron. I consider it an honour. It puts me in some pretty august company. People who’ve made the fair what it is today. Whose personalities have left, and continue to have, a lasting impact. I know I should have been embarrassed but I was genuinely touched.

Some men lead armies. Some travel the world. Some have carnal knowledge of vast members of the opposite, or indeed their own, gender. Me? I rode in the Seuss car in the parade and had a giant finger over my head on the Jumbo-tron.

I win.

My inner 5 to 10 year old was just eating it up. People may take me a little less seriously because my childlike enjoyment was likely very apparent but you know what? It’s a price I’ll happily pay. We owe it to ourselves to enjoy these things. What else is life but moments like this?

This truly is, has been, and will continue to be a very special fair.

Who am I kidding? They’re all special.

In high school I called the dances accelerated social time, now fair is accelerated life. It’s great. A lifetime of unique and treasured memories in a handful of days.

Others know it, although they may not say it. Take Sam for example, I can tell it means a lot for him to be back. To be honest it means a lot to me to see him back. It’s just right. To deny the experience to someone who understands and enjoys it so well is criminal.

Special moments few people will ever have.

As a child the possibility of being in the parade never even occurred to me. Once again the fair provides.

A reasonably uneventful day as fair goes. My feet were udder agony last night (enjoy the pun) so my mission was to walk as little as possible. I could have done better but my personality makes that hard. I’m too social an animal to hide in my cubicle for long when there’s so much going on. Hung out with Sam for a bit. For the first working day this fair I did NOT fix some piece of technology for my former department.

There was one odd moment when my boss and my boss’s boss were whispering to each other. I’ve been on the receiving end of both good and bad ambushes and my spidey sense wasn’t tingling so I think if it was about me, even that only has a 50% chance of being true, it doesn’t seem bad. Surprises are nice so I don’t think I’ll spoil this one, if it exists, by theorizing.

Ran into Eleana at the end of the day, we reminisced about how we met: I drew her a Garfield and told her a story about an alligator in the sanctuary. I told her how the plush Sleepy she gave me when I was having lots of insomnia was at my mom’s. The other person in the booth looked like she wanted to puke. It was great.

Fair can be a time machine sometimes. Imagine if I could travel back in time and tell myself on the day that I met Eleana that several years later she’d be married and I’d have a kid and we’d reminisce about how we met as she sits in a booth that was a modified copy of my design and me in another department.

My head would explode.

But traveling backwards, well, it seems like yesterday. I can even tell you where I bought the shoes I was wearing when we met. The booth was Lagoon North even though there was no lagoon anymore.

If one day something happens to me and I have amnesia show me a pinwheel, put me in a booth with a broken debit machine and someone asking a question and I’ll snap out of it. If ever I’m lost, the fair will bring me back. Calvin would know what to do. So would Alastair. Almost any of the family.

How many people know what it’s like to trust someone so implicitly? I would entrust many of them with my life without hesitation.

To what extent is a relationship a closed system? In the universe there’s a conservation of mass and energy - neither can be destroyed, only converted into other forms. Are there similar laws for relationships?

I’ve mused before, although years ago in a much more private venue, that relationships are closed systems in that sadness and other emotions are impossible not to share. If your partner is sad, you’re unhappy as well. Well, assuming you have a soul.

Sadness can be created far too easily so there seems to be no conservation of emotion. Or is it perhaps just converted? Frustration becomes anger becomes sadness. So there could be a conservation of emotional energy perhaps, this energy just existing in different forms.

Mastery of converting one type of energy like chemical into another like kinetic has changed the world, just look at the internal combustion engine.

So the trick to mastery of relationships would exist in the knowledge of how to convert sadness into happiness. If this method could be found, it could change the world. Those that have stumbled upon methods early on shared these methods far and wide: flowers, chocolates, poems, grand gestures, etc unfortunately diluting their effectiveness.

Is sadness the fuel that brings change though? Anger? Frustration? I don’t think so. The gasoline here is regret and perhaps shame. By what process can this be efficiently converted into happiness? I guess it takes creativity, but what if you don’t have the time?

Lots of calls from the boss on her day off concerning issues that were already being addressed. Felt a little disconnected as I was a bit of a jerk at home last night. Sam came by and we hung out, I got him free dinner. After the parade I fixed a computer for my former department. I know it’s only day 4, of which I’ve only worked 3, but there seems to be a definite pattern emerging.

Hopefully I can break the part of the pattern that has issues at work coming up and me being a jerk at home. Hanging out with Sam and fixing things for my old department can stay.

Note: entries are running about 5 days behind.

I have to admit I feel like a bit of a screwup lately. At work shortages that didn’t exist last year are mounting. I know intellectually that it isn’t my fault but I’m still the one who has to look people in the eye and tell them I can’t help them. My boss has been very understanding about the whole thing but I still feel a little bit like I let people down by not accurately predicting the future which I know is an unreasonable expectation.

But it’s on the home front I feel the most like a bumbling idiot. Things aren’t progressing fast enough, our place is too small…and these are just the things I’ve been told about. I fear financial hard times may be on the horizon. I’m not pulling my weight at home with regards to chores or childcare.

I keep forgetting to follow up with my second job regarding extending my leave of absence.

I feel like a juggler who’s taken on one too many balls. I fear which one will drop.

I truly and honestly hate television. I’m convinced 95% of all television has absolutely no morals, purpose, value, point, or message. What do we have to pick from?

Crime Dramas
People trying to get away with killing each other.

Reality TV
The worst members of society from brat kids to children beating each other up to Simon Cowell hoisted up and celebrated.

Game Shows
People trying to make money in the easiest and most repetitive way possible care of an irritating host.

Makeover Shows
Everyone is stupid and ugly and completely without merit except for the hosts and that gives them the right to treat everyone else as sub-human.

There is that 5% of quality with shows like Hustle, Doctor Who, Dragon’s Den, 24, King Of Queens, Torchwood, Daily Show, and Colbert Report but it seems fate has determined that I shall not be permitted to watch Hustle or Dragon’s Den as something has managed to get in the way of those shows all but once each this year. I have to go to unusual lengths to watch Doctor Who and Torchwood just by virtue of where they’re broadcast.

So TV is either crap or a right pain in the ass to catch a show of any quality and watch all the way through.

This was one for the books. Usual stuff for the most part, Security guys being dicks after close and the like.

Then came the PM parade. I showed up a few moments late after letting someone in my former department vent their frustrations to me to discover no one there. I got a call informing me the parade was running 15 minutes late due to the concert running late so I caught some of the Flying Canucks to pass the time. They’re pretty good. Getting the city ready to properly appreciate some Olympic events we’ll be hosting.

I laid the groundwork for our area and the team showed and we got ready. Moments before the parade my boss and I felt a couple drops of rain.

“Bring it on” I said.

“I dare you to rain” she said to the sky.

Foolish mortals.

The parade and the rain began at the same time. The rain got progressively heavier. I was in a short sleeve thin broadcloth dress shirt, new shoes, and new pants. The rest of the team had vests and jackets. Not I.

So what does pneumonia feel like? How would I know if I had it?

Well if I were to contract it, then in the performance of my duties is the way to go.

A parade person came up to me and informed me of a patio umbrella at the edge of the beer garden that was swaying dangerously close to the floats.

“An umbrella you say? I’m all over it!”

The shaft of the umbrella had broken and some genius thought packaging tape, and not very much of it, would hold it. I was happy to stand under it and keep it steady.

My boss saw the shelter I had ‘discovered’ and motioned that she would join me. A large and long float passed between us as a security guy came to take the umbrella away as it was a danger to public safety.

“It’s broken” I said, pointing to where the pole had snapped.

“Yea, but they taped it” said the security guy.

“It’s wood” I explained “a little bit of tape often isn’t sufficient to fix wood, especially when baring a load with wind and rain”

He took the umbrella away and disappeared before the float had passed. Once it did I looked at my boss, water pouring down my entire body, and shrugged. She started laughing so hard I nearly called First Aid.

Once the parade passed we ran to clean up. I had two dry spots on my wine-coloured shirt, directly under my enormous ears. Pants were somewhat dry from the bottom of the thigh down by virtue of being in the ’shadow’ of the rest of my body and being the resident of a rainforest that I am I know how to adjust my posture to assure minimum exposure. But other than that I was drenched.

My boss wanted to take my picture so we headed back to the office. Along the way I decided to surprise some former coworkers. I went up to a booth of my old department and saw that I knew both people there and they were looking down at a document. I slammed my hands down on the counter. They jumped up and back.

“For the love of GOD take me back!” I yelled.

The started laughing really hard and asked “what happened to you?” between giggles.

“The parade! The God damned parade!” I yelled in my best crazy person voice and left to get my picture taken.

A normal person would probably have been annoyed or embarrassed. Not me. I actually kind of enjoyed it. It was hilarious.

One day, many years from now perhaps at a retirement or 30 years of service party this picture will find it’s way on to a large screen. We’ll have a good laugh and I’ll think back with nostalgia and pride.

It’s moments like these that make up a life.

Why is it when the very obese can’t fit in a seat so many of them are quick to cry discrimination? “They didn’t design this with normal people in mind” and such.

Shouldn’t it be a wake up call? Maybe it’s one of those natural controls like EI.

Unemployment goes up when the economy slows down but EI generates economic activity. When unemployment is low inflation is generally high but people paying in to EI cuts down on the spending a bit thus mitigating inflation a little. Thus EI creates an automatic response to limit the extremes of the boom-bust cycle.

Seats can be the same. If you can’t fit in a seat due to being obese (in a way under your control of course, thyroid issues exempt for example) then perhaps you shouldn’t be sitting. Perhaps life has become too convenient to the point that the convenience has become unhealthy. An excuse not to get the minimum exercise your body needs.

I fully grant that I have no idea what I’m talking about as neither I nor anyone I know very well has had to grapple with the degree of obesity discussed here. The few I have known, all acquaintances at best, seemed to me to be some of the lazier folks I’ve known. Is it causal or is it a chicken-or-egg thing? I don’t know but when someone half-sits on me because the seat on the bus isn’t big enough for them it makes me wonder if maybe they shouldn’t be sitting - certainly not on me!

Begin Fair 11. New challenges abound as consequences of the job market become more apparent. In important and visible ways things didn’t go as smooth in my area as last year but I firmly believe that’s that job market thing.

I’m also rather proud of the assistance I was able to provide my old department.

At one point pages started coming out of my printer that were obviously from them. I grabbed the pages and walked over. They were having trouble mapping their printer, their best minds couldn’t figure it out (although Faraz wasn’t on shift) and IT’s solution wasn’t working. IT was convinced they were incompatible, their new computers and the printer.

It took me about 40 seconds to fix.

Before I could leave a Supervisor commented about a file they didn’t have but needed.

I had another Supervisor call up a similar file and started to convert it for their needs. He gave up his chair.

That took me about 90 seconds.

They then needed someone to check on one location and take supplies to another - I was on the case.

I did a lot in my area, doing my actual job, as well but somehow helping them gave me a greater sense of pride. It’s not that I like them or my old job more (God how I tire of that question) But it made me feel good that I still had the right stuff to contribute. That I still had value, purpose, and was needed there. That a new generation might know me.

The crazy guy who saves the day, that’s me.

Some might say I thrive on being unpredictable. But not a soul thought anything weird about it. Me in HQ on opening day fixing stuff. Even the newbies seemed to think it right.

I recently heard that my old department only had a return/retention rate of 36% this year.

36%!

If only you could understand why that’s so upsetting.

We used to average 80-86% retention. One year when I was responsible for scheduling we hit 91%. It was phenomenal, unheard of. I even brought back some team members who had been gone a couple years, they picked up right where they left off that year. They’re still with the department today when back then they thought that door forever closed. I negotiated, I pleaded, I cajoled - I made it happen. It was always my goal.

Like Neil used to say, “get ‘em young, train ‘em right, keep ‘em forever“.

Well not anymore it would seem. To lose 64% of the family, nearly two thirds, in a single year…it’s mind boggling. Who’s even going to know me there anymore?

Well a few I guess. They let me teach a class to half of the new hires. Plus there was a sign of hope the same day I heard that disappointing figure.

I was getting off the bus when someone said my name. She had gotten a uniform from me shortly after being hired this year in my former department. Apparently I had made an offhand comment about her name. I guess it was enough to make an impression but we had a quick chat.

Every now and then someone I’ve never met from that department will talk to me like they know me. I wonder, do they still talk about me? After Neil left we’d still tell stories about him to the new kids even several years later. They had become the stuff of legend. Dare I compare myself?

I observed to someone the other day about how sincere, genuine, and free of BS Neil was that the team felt comfortable around him. It dawned on me that I was describing myself and my philosophy as well.

Neil wasn’t perfect but he inspired loyalty in the people around him and when you get right down to it that’s the best sign of a leader.

Note: This entry was written some time ago, many of the issues herein have since been addressed.

My girlfriend mentioned to me the other day that she wants to move. When we viewed the place I was the only one who noticed the lack of a living room and that seems to be the reason she wants to move.

I had also expressed concern over the lack of nearby services but she told me they were very close; a couple days ago a trip to the grocery store left her in tears. I also expressed concern over a lack of a bath but she assured me she’d find a way to make it work. She seemed very keen on living here so I relented.

It’s not like I was against the place per se, I just had serious reservations about certain issues. I do like the place and our landlords are awesome, they were a big part of what sold me on the place. I just think it sucks to have the issues I brought up come back to haunt me.

I am beginning to understand why some guys operate unilaterally. Had I done so on this issue we might not have to be considering moving when we have neither time nor money. And I had promised Burton I wouldn’t be moving again for awhile, well over a year at least. Now 8 months later I might have to break that promise because someone else made a decision. Wonderful.

Do you ever get the feeling you’re on someone else’s out-of-control roller coaster?

I hate breaking my word and letting people down but I seem to have no choice in the matter lately.

I got this bombshell shortly after waking up to a, at minimum, 10 hour work day. Clearly I didn’t have enough to do or worry about.

I spent most of my weekend of freedom cleaning our place and making room, not even a week later I’m essentially told it wasn’t good enough and thus the entire effort was largely a waste.

A month or two ago she wanted to give my boxes, several never used, which cost me $60 away for free to a stranger on the Internet. In fact she had already promised them when I got wind of it but since they were my property I felt almost no guilt in making her go back on her word.

It’s almost like she’s trying to make this more of a challenge. I know she doesn’t mean to but it’s hard to interpret trying to give away all our boxes and then move as anything else.

Maybe I wouldn’t be so upset if I felt I had a vote. It’s not that I don’t have a say in most things, it just seems like everyone’s formed an opinion on this matter and has felt the need to inform me of it. Instead of being told what’s what by people (including those who haven’t seen the place!) it would be nice to be asked.

I always believed that to make a relationship work you needed to compromise. I always figured if you cared about someone you’d do what you can to make them happy. It seems that strategy does not work as I’m getting kicked in junk here. I suppose I should have just done my own thing and had faith in the 285th rule, “No good deed ever goes unpunished“.

I wanted to find an apartment in the suburbs not a basement suite in the city. The market was very sparse at the time and I somewhat doubt it has gotten any better though.

I probably shouldn’t be talking about this on my blog but she was looking after her sister shortly after telling me. Hopefully I phrased that right as I’m not allowed to call it ‘babysitting’.

I can’t even use certain words to describe certain activities! Maybe the jerks have it right. Put your foot down, to hell with compromise, and only think of yourself. It’d probably result in lots of arguments but I’m wondering what the lesser of those two evils would be at this point.

Maybe nice guys really do finish last.

What evolutionary process do eyebrows serve? Do they keep incredibly small debris from falling down our face into our eyes? Do they keep the sun from getting in our eyes at exactly high noon? Would that matter to anyone but a cowboy gunslinger?

Now I know not all evolutionary traits serve a survival purpose. Often birds with brighter plumage will attract more mates and thus pass that trait on to future generations but the bright colours only make them more visible to predators. But if eyebrows fell into this category wouldn’t bushy eyebrows and unibrows be considered more attractive? So that can’t be it.

Besides even those silly attraction things often have evolutionary support like those bright colours being a sign of good health or large sexual organs a sign of good breeding potential.

Perhaps they are evolutionary holdovers from our monkey days but why just the eyebrows? Why two lines above your eyes? There must be a reason.

Even creationism doesn’t have an answer for this. If we were made in God’s image that’s just passing the buck, the question then becomes why does God have eyebrows?

Anyone?

Bueller?

2 guys got on the bus the other day. One sat next to me and the smell was overpowering. It felt like the temperature went up by 9 degrees. I’d never encountered a smell that was so bad it seemed to raise the temperature of the place, that was weird. And it’s not like the guy was radiating heat or anything, this was like someone threw a switch and suddenly I was in Fiji.

Well, Fiji during a garbage strike maybe.

He sat next to me for one stop and then moved to the other side of the bus. Someone else took his seat and the ambient temperature dropped 5 degrees.

The other guy sat in front of me. When I managed to regain the ability to breathe I noticed he had the same model cell phone as my personal phone. It took me awhile to recognize it because all the original colouring was gone due to wear-and-tear. It looked like a dog’s chew toy.

It’s not like these guys were poor, they were talking about flying to Ottawa for a Stanley Cup playoff final game months ago and buying tickets for this year. They were talking about winning $7,200 at poker after a $2,100 buy in and being upset about not winning $12,000. Apparently he placed second. It’s not like these guys can’t afford showers or new phones.

Where does their self respect come from? Do they feel pride at being able to kill children and small animals just by lifting their arms? Having a cell phone that doubles as a rock? Clearly their pride originates from gambling winnings but they’re still 2 stinky guys on a bus with a phone that’s barely recognizable as such.

I have a little freak out whenever my phone gets a scratch and I’m getting rid of it in February!

Whatever, they’re clearly idiots as they insisted halfway to my place is the worst place in the city when they got on the bus in the poorest postal code in the country.

I think maybe they were headed to a baseball game. Not exactly a roaring endorsement of the sport. Could you imagine sitting next to Stinky? I’d pass out by the 3rd inning! I’d pour beer on him just to cover the stink.

I fear for the future of humanity sometimes.

I saw a guy on the bus the other day who looked like Scott. I wonder what that guy is up to nowadays.

Hmmm? Oh, you want to know who Scott is. Fair enough.

He was my boss at the first election I worked at. Nice guy. To be honest it felt like we were the only 2 normal people in that office sometimes. He was nice, friendly, organized, confident, and funny. At the risk of sounding immodest he reminded me of myself. We would get Subway for lunch and do crosswords together. At work we had similar goals, worked hard for something we believed in, and enforced the law.

I don’t think there’s anything weird about these bonds we form with people we work with. In the kinds of jobs I’ve had that I’ve really believed in there’s always been a central event you work up to. You rely on the other members of the team to help get things ready and when the day finally comes they’re your comrades in arms.

Edgar came by to get a nametag the other day and it amazes me how quickly we fall back into that kind of professional familiarities. He mentioned how he plans to use my old cell network if the phones crash on opening day and we traded stories and gossip. Is it weird to paraphrase You’ve Got Mail and say there are times when I miss those guys so much it hurts?

And earlier Peter came by, I’ve been fortunate to be there the last couple times he’s come for his ID. We also so easily and quickly fell into that lockstep and conversational shorthand that comes from shared service. Does it ever really go away?

In both of those conversations the regret that we weren’t still working together seemed almost palpable in the air. If it weren’t for Scott I don’t know that I would have considered it possible somewhere else.

I had a window seat on the bus ride home the other day and found myself staring out an open window at a rather odd cloud. It was made up of a thick discrete line with diffuse much shorter lines coming out from either side. What could cause that? The thick line could be a plane or something but it was too thick. And wind wouldn’t cause lines, much less in two opposite directions from the main body.

As I pondered this logic puzzle my mind began to wander. It kind of looked like a fish skeleton. A gentle breeze crossed my face and I realized I was daydreaming. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Sure I have interesting thoughts and debates with myself, most ending up here on my blog, but a daydream with no purpose? It’s been too long to remember.

I think we should make time for that. In the customer service course I teach I warn about the dangers of daydreaming at work. I think a similar warning should be issued for NOT daydreaming for too long outside of work. For one thing it requires you to be relaxed. Tense daydreaming is called worrying, planning, or alternate engagement strategy which may all be valid uses of our time but we should day dream at least once a month for our sanity and spirit.

You want someone to do something because they want to, do you drop hints?

Does it make it less special because you had to prod it along? Will it mean as much if you had to apply pressure to make it happen?

Alternatively wouldn’t just sitting and waiting for someone to guess what you want be a bit like playing games?

I have no answers for you except expectations can ruin surprises and timelines for your personal life suck, that’s why I don’t set goals outside of work. Sometimes I think it’s better to be Buddhist about such things.

Note: I delayed posting this for nearly a week, constantly revising it to cut out parts and try not to upset anyone and had almost completely deleted the entire thing but today made me think that maybe some of this needs to see the light of day. Particularly when my family is crying, my body is in agony, and there’s nothing I can do about any of it. This may make me a jerk but I figure that would be the least of my problems.

I found myself thinking the other night, “for the love of God someone please help us“. There are times when it feels like we’ve bitten off more than we can chew. I thought we were doing okay, we’d only had a few rough patches/days but recent events had me concerned for our futures.

It’s happening almost exactly as I foresaw, only worse. I knew the baby would be at his most needy when I had the least time to spare.

I’m being called home from work to help out when he gets to be too much. I’m shirking my responsibilities. I’m letting people down who depend on me, leaving them in tight spots that they don’t deserve. I’m exhausted. I’m being pulled in two directions at once and as a result handling neither situation very well. Frankly I hate myself for being such a disappointment to everyone.

I can’t believe how just over a week ago I was disappointed at not getting any new responsibilities at work.

I’m afraid for the safety and health of my son, both physical and mental.

The worst part is when we need help is when no reasonable person can provide it: overnight and business hours. My girlfriend says her mom can help with this when she returns from a trip though. But how can I expect anyone else to make that kind of sacrifice? It’s no one else’s problem but ours.

The other day I had to leave work half way through the day; canceling a class I was to teach, flaking out on meetings, and leaving my staff in the lurch. The resulting chaos caught the attention of a local celebrity I have never met who sent along his best wishes for me and my family. Nice guy but hell of a way for me to make a first impression on someone.

When I got home things seemed fine so I kept myself busy trying to help and clean so the folks I let down weren’t screwed in vain. I thought it might make a difference but at 2:30am I woke to more problems. My parenting skills were mocked as I was trying to lend a hand. I remember staring at my son in his crib thinking for the first time “how do I make this work and keep my job?“.

And of course I ended up sleeping in past my alarm the next morning.

Sometimes I feel really stupid for booking the Orlando trip, I should have asked mom to watch him for a week during fair rather than foolishly and selfishly attempting a vacation.

I think the time may have finally come to forgive Kylie Minogue for Locomotion.

I’ve been wrestling with this issue for some time now. When her career re-started with a string of catchy dance songs I liked them, but was in the closet about it. It was not enough to earn forgiveness.

Then I discovered she was the female vocalist in Pet Shop Boys’ song In Denial. This is probably the single greatest thing she could have done to earn forgiveness and thus it was quietly granted. Working with PSB does not a good artist make, just look at Robbie Williams whom I still despise, but that song kicks so much sour frog ass and she did such a great job on it, she clearly proved her worth to me. But I was still somewhat in the closet over the whole thing.

Now she’s set to appear in the next Christmas episode of Doctor Who. Well, talk about putting it over the top. So much like Nsync I have come to the realization that I like Kylie Minogue and might as well admit to it.

So do I have a coming out party now or what?

I still hate Locomotion though. There are some things that just can’t be fixed. But we can forgive and we can sure as hell do our damnedest to forget.

This is perhaps the ultimate metaphor for life. Keeping multiple balls in the air. Not a new idea I know but one that increasingly seems fitting for me.

The first interview for the upcoming first Star Trek game for the Wii, Conquest, was posted recently on the Bethesda Blog. There was good news and bad news. The complete lack of multi-player is very upsetting. I still can’t quite get a grip on whether this will be more like BOTF or Armada.

In the interview the lead designer specifically said “diplomacy is dead” when discussing the plot. Does this mean the alliances from the show are not present but could happen or does he mean the game has no diplomacy option? One of my favorite things about BOTF is the diplomacy. Note my use of the present tense when discussing BOTF, I doubt I’ll ever tire of this game - it’s been like 5 years and I haven’t yet.

One piece of good news was the real-time combat format. You can either issue orders to ships and watch it play out or jump in to an arcade-like action interface. I’m glad for the arcade dimension as Legacy was enough of a flight simulator for me.

Also use of the Wiimote and nunchuk sound great. On the strategy side you use the Wiimote to select systems and issue orders. So as I heard this I pictured Major Krem in ‘The Circle’ (DS9) or Remmick in ‘Conspiracy’ (TNG) working a large map on a touchscreen wall. Or for those who don’t get the reference something like the computers in Minority Report. And for combat the nunchuk controls the ship while you use the Wiimote to select targets.

Sounds freaking sweet to me. It’s not everything I’d hoped but life rarely is.

Now if they’d just make a first person shooter for the franchise I can finally decapitate someone with a bat’leth. I’d buy a special controller for that.

Never let appearances or a single odd behaviour limit your estimation of someone’s intelligence. I had a fascinating chat with someone I’ve known for years but not particularly well. He sweeps the grounds at work and has been known to, let’s say salvage things from the garbage if you get my meaning.

When that was first brought to my attention I feared it was evidence of mental instability or extreme poverty but recent coverage of the freegan movement made it seem less odd. Now I always treated this fellow with the same dignity, respect, and kindness as anyone else despite what I had seen him do.

I ran into him the other day and we got to chatting about, among other things, the health care system. He mentioned how his brother was angry that Asian immigrants were putting a strain on our health care system, a dubious yet oddly popular opinion among certain demographics.

He said he disagreed. He first pointed out you have no idea about when someone immigrated just by looking at them nor can you judge their contributions or lack thereof to society so easily.

Secondly he said “if you want something to be upset about what about foreign aid that ends up in Swiss bank accounts. Even if there are lots of new immigrants putting a strain on our resources, which may or may not be the case, at least we know where the money is going. We know we’re helping fellow human beings”

Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. Health care for new immigrants as foreign aid. I’m not saying it’s the best way of viewing such things but the originality of his perspective was refreshingly surprising. I have a degree in Political Science and this viewpoint never occurred to me.

But what if instead of sending money to Africa in aid that may be misappropriated by warlords we put t at money into health care and give refugee status and transportation to a certain number of displaced people? I’m not saying we should convert all aid to this model but in cases where we cannot verify the money is being spend on the people this could be an ethical alternative. It would also provide an incentive for world leaders of impoverished nations to be more open lest they loss their no-strings foreign aid.

Wouldn’t it be better than the IMF and World Bank dictating how countries operate with their conditional loans? They give the money to potential warlords or despots who agree to economic programs and policies that could be an affront if not an outright attack on the local customs and culture.

I’m not necessarily advocating this policy but I believe it merits attention and further thought, study, and/or investigation.

All this from a man who eats from the garbage.

I noticed the picketers in the recent civic strike have changed their placards to read ‘Sam’s Strike’ rather than ‘on strike’. I wonder what they hope to accomplish with this latest tactic. It seems a personal attack to me. They negotiate with the GVRD, not the mayor.

Yes the mayor did give 3 instructions to the GVRD which could be seen as overstepping however he’s the one who has to make any new budget work so I don’t think it unreasonable for him to set certain limits. The first two, completely reasonable, directions I’ve discussed previously in my blog: that the contract not end right before the Olympics or during a municipal election.

The 3rd instruction was to pursue a 5 year deal analogous to what other municipalities have done as a possible solution to the impasse.

So they’re attacking the guy who’s trying to save the city from labour strife on the world stage, keep the issue from becoming politicized, and suggesting possible solutions that have worked elsewhere.

I have to admit when Sam won the election I wondered if anyone would have the balls to attack the man in the wheelchair. I’m not saying he deserves a free pass because of his disability but attacking him could be a PR nightmare.

I forgot to mention in my Depression post that my faith that the fair will provide remains unshaken, I’m just not used to leaning on faith for this long. I’m more of a ‘no fate but what we make for ourselves’ kind of guy. Work my butt off, create multiple paths to success, play the game - these are the strategies I’m more used to pursuing.

As a kid my mother and I would get up ridiculously early one Saturday morning each year to go see the parade. Now, several years hence, I plan to bring my son.

Yea, great, circle of life, life’s a rich tapestry, yak yak yak, right?

Did I mention he’ll be IN the parade?

My family’s been offered to ride in one of the cars in one of the parades. How awesome would that be? My son king of the parade before he’s 4 months old. That’d be freaking cool. My luck he’ll sleep or cry for the whole thing but still what a story to tell that’d be. And if he’s awake and happy even for a little bit it would make for some sweet pictures or video even.

I may not be the best father but if I could get my kid in the parade, well, how many dads can say that? Okay, I know a few but let’s say of a random sample.

Gotta teach the kid to wave.

I owe a lot to me of the past.

Years ago I squirreled away a rather large sum of American cash which made much of Vegas possible and still leaves $100/day for Orlando.

Last month alone I earned over $67 in interest on my RRSP. Even if I can’t add to it again (or doing so becomes imprudent care of other tax breaks) that will always be there, always growing, ever faster thanks to compound interest.

Every time I walk by the booth I designed I feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, it always serves to lift my mood. Me of the past did an alright job on that, if I do say so myself.

These are all little gifts I’ve given myself over the years. As I’ve said numerous times I like to play the long game.

Me of the past is quite a useful ally. A very good and generous friend. He was always willing to share his success with me. I feel a little bad that I can’t be as nice to me of the future as he was but that selfless prick set the bar pretty high.

I am simultaneously a nice guy and a prick, the benefactor and the giving. Is it any wonder I’m a little crazy?

Where do I begin to review such an important film? Well first I should thank my mom for watching the kid so we could see it. I guess the second thing should be to address fan boy concerns.

Fear not fan boys, you will enjoy this film. Get the refund on those pitchforks while you can. Was the movie perfect? No. Did they get some things wrong? Yes. But they also pay massive respect to G1. They use the original transforming sound a couple of times, use some remixed music from the movie, have some fun with the original tag line, and even have direct quotes from the movie.

If hearing Prime say “one shall stand, one shall fall” doesn’t raise the hairs on the back of your neck I hate to break it to you but you don’t have a soul.

Yes the ‘romance’ plot took up far too much screen time however that seems to have been largely a restriction of the budget. Here’s a better way to look at it: part one of a trilogy. 2 more films have already been green lit. So this was just establishing the car, if you pardon the pun.

So what does all this mean? Get off your ass and see the movie. Oh, and if you download it illegally you’ll spend all of eternity in hell being sodomized by Hitler…so, enjoy that.

See the more money this brings in the bigger budget the next one will have. The bigger the budget the more screen time the transformers will get.

Oh and since Nimoy’s coming out of acting retirement to do the new Star Trek movie it’s conceivable he could reprise Galvatron.

On a side note I think Nimoy will be great in the next Trek, he looked fabulous and was hilarious in his skit for the Shatner roast. Not only has he still got it, I bet he has range we haven’t even seen yet.

So go out and see Transformers, twice. I’ll go with you if everyone you know has already seen it, as they should have.

You actually need to see the movie twice to properly appreciate it. It has rich textures and various layers of business that makes the second viewing almost as gripping, perhaps even more for my fellow fan boys, as the first.

Oh? A score for those of you who like that kind of thing? Call it 9/10.

My grandfather hated french, or so I was told. I guess living through many language issues in Canadian politics gave him a unique perspective but as a child of the 80s I didn’t have any issues with it. I wasn’t particularly talented at it and being forced to take it was a burden that hurt my GPA but I have no complaints about the language itself. Compared to other languages it’s much easier to live with.

For one thing you don’t have to yell and scream to be understood as seems to be the case with Cantonese and Mandarin. For example a fellow was speaking french on his cell phone on the bus the other day, I was sitting directly across from him and there were some words too quiet for me to make out. I can’t think of a time when someone had a conversation in Cantonese or Mandarin that the entire bus wasn’t keenly aware of.

I’ve been told that how long you hold a sound and how loud and the pitch of how you say things changes the meaning, and not just expressing emotion but the actual words are different. So the language seems to force them to make long sustained loud vowel sounds at each other. So it seems to be somewhat out of their hands how annoying they sound.

Frankly it amazes me they don’t have constant headaches, no wonder meditation is popular in those cultures. I’d be out doing serial killings if I didn’t have some peace and quiet now and again.

But the question becomes do they have a right to be rude by our cultural standards if it’s a requirement of communicating in their language? I say no. For one thing they are living within our culture in this country. They are expected to abide by our written laws not the laws of their culture, I don’t think it unreasonable that they should adhere to our unwritten laws of polite society.

Before you accuse me of racism, discrimination, or cultural insensitivity let me turns the tables.

When I was in Europe I made an effort to speak the domestic language and I was just a tourist. When I was in a non-English country I spoke largely in hushed tones when speaking to my family in English. Why? Well there was a variety of reasons but what they pretty much all boiled down to was manners. I felt as a visitor it was not my place to force my culture on to others. I would have felt the same way had I moved there.

Now I’m not saying people can’t or shouldn’t speak languages other than English or french in Canada, I’m saying they shouldn’t yell and scream when talking to someone sitting right next to them. That’s all. Accept our protected right to privacy and quiet enjoyment. If it creates challenges in communicating then adapt. If you thought you could move to another continent without adapting to some changes you’re delusional and deserving of scorn.

And since we’re on the topic I think it should be illegal to have signs that do not contain an English or french translation. It’s criminal that I can pass a business with huge signs advertising their services in Korean and despite my ability to read both official languages have no idea what they are. It’s discrimination. The sign might as well have read ‘Koreans Only’ if there’s no English or french.

If I put up a sign that said ‘only English speakers served’ or ‘no asians’ I’d be a racist bastard, but signs with no English or french effectively say ‘no canadians’. It’s discrimination, plain and simple and I think we need to acknowledge it and legislate against it. Quebec has a law that every sign must have french and the french must be larger than the English, I don’t propose going anywhere near that far.

I propose a law that all signs include an English or french translation. The translation does not have to be larger or even the same size, it can be as tiny as possible so long as it is legible. I don’t think this is unreasonable at all. It promotes inclusiveness and protects our national identity. How a free market even tolerates a business excluding a majority potential clientele is beyond me but since the market has failed to regulate this it’s time for government to step in.

There will be a cost associated with this but the increased business and decreased resentment, elitism, and exclusion should more than make this a profitable proposal.

And in a fight to maintain our national identity, the french are our allies. I don’t think my grandfather would have liked that idea but I’m sure he’d understand my reasoning. A lesser of two evils of a sort. Our ability to communicate is at the core of our society, any society must have this in order to be called a society.

I freely admit that multiculturalism is also an important part of our identity. Anything that distinguishes us from the Americans is important to who we are. The Americans believe in the melting pot - assimilating everyone into one cohesive homogenized culture. We believe in multiculturalism - celebrating our differences. How can we celebrate our differences if we can’t even speak to each other?

And in no way do I see this as a slippery slope. I’m sure some might see this as interventionist meddling that opens the door to culture suppression but I don’t see that happening - this is about opening the doors of communication and cultural inclusiveness and mutual understanding. Why English and french? They’re the official languages so it makes sense, there’s legal precedent, and it’s more efficient.

What we have in a lot of areas are isolated groups of people not communicating with anyone outside their group and this will continue so long as we tolerate one group excluding and discriminating against another. A lack of communication breeds fear, distrust, resentment, and hostility. Is that what we really want?

I’ve heard people accuse Canadians of polite well hidden racism. This is the cause.

It’s segregation. Actually it’s worse than segregation, at least that had the concept of ’separate but equal’, this is ’separate but only one side can openly discriminate against the other’. Hardly seems like a Canadian ideal to me.

So let’s force ourselves to speak to each other and maybe we can begin to learn and eventually respect each other.