The Trial Never Ends
I spent an hour trying to come up with a good title for this entry. Rejected ideas included ‘The Best Of Both Worlds’, ‘Melbourne’, ‘Wet Cement’, ‘I Bet They Wouldn’t Read This’, ‘Aries’, ‘The Icarus Factor’, ‘Family’, and ‘RIP Michael Piller’. Feel free to vote for your favorite.
Having a bit of stress at work lately. Being sick doesn’t help. With that mindset someone came forward to suggest I take a look at the VANOC website as there is currently a posting for a full-time year-round position for a 3 year contract with benefits that kick in after 6 months to do essentially what I am doing now, except there would be no established procedures to follow and enforce, I’d be making it all up myself. And I would have the job title ‘Manager’ which tempts the ego.
I don’t think I’m completely qualified but I can’t silence the voice in the back of my head that has said dozens if not hundreds of times in the last couple years “in this job market you don’t have to be qualified, you just have to be slightly more qualified than everybody else“. So not feeling particularly great both physically and emotionally (perhaps even spiritually - a case could be made) I found myself actually considering it.
It’s not like things here are bad, it’s a tiny rough patch I’ll probably forget about in a week or two. But I was thinking that recent issues over my personal self expression and defending my staff may have undone some of my recent successes - granted both circumstances came about entirely due to the unprofessionalism of others. But nevertheless, the deed is done. I had all but decided that how the current situation with another department resolves itself would determine whether I apply or not. Thus far my direct supervisor had been very supportive so as long as that continued I doubt I would have ended up applying but it is conceivable that it could go either way still.
“I can always apply and then not accept it if it’s offered” I thought to myself as I looked wistfully at my 10 year service pin “I don’t even know what it pays“.
Then the call came.
A bizarre request to hand-deliver a minor supply to my old stomping grounds. It was from someone I’ve worked with for years and respect both professionally and personally. Were I to need parenting advice he’s one of the few people at work I might feel comfortable approaching. As such I didn’t mind going out of my way at all.
Once more the fair was ready to provide.
Upon arrival I was warmly welcomed by my former coworkers. I then ran into the person I was to make the delivery to only to discover there was a mix-up and I didn’t need to hand deliver the item but I didn’t mind. We chatted for a bit along with a more senior person who with one notable exception I’ve always gotten along with. They both seemed genuinely happy to see me and we chatted for quite awhile, eventually losing track of time.
Then I spent a little time with my former department and I frequently saw evidence of my influence. Signage, forms, and procedures I had created were still being used and updated. My hard work was still serving the old team and they had picked up the torch very well despite some rather trying circumstances. I had made a difference here, and people I had never met were still benefiting from it. What greater legacy does one need?
A hundred small things over busy day-to-day life but when I returned I could see my personality was still there. It was flattering, gratifying, and just a little eerie. I fully expected huge changes to the point that it would be unrecognizable and foreign - in point of fact that is probably part of why I don’t visit more often as that might have been hard to see. But to see the track I had laid as a part of a linear progression of positive improvement - how many people get to see that?
Someone once said “It would be interesting, Captain, to return to that world in 100 years and learn what crop had sprung from the seed you planted today” Of course it didn’t work out so well for them but how many people get the opportunity? Had I moved on to a different organization I certainly would not have.
The dilemma on the subject is not yet resolved, it will be in the back of my mind until the submittal date for applications passes but let’s just say one isn’t like to go broke betting on me staying with my current employer. Something about playing the long game appeals to me.
