Forgiveness
I’m a firm believer that there are some things that cannot be forgiven. I’m a little shaky on what those things are but I don’t see anything wrong with refusing to forgive certain actions. The practical side of things is such forgiveness lends tacit consent to the offending behaviour and conceivably invites repetition of it.
I know that forgiveness is widely seen as a virtue and by-and-large I agree with that but there are limits.
In matters of philosophy there is only one true moral absolute: we value our children. The logic behind this is intuitive, simple, and devastating: any society that does not value it’s children will become extinct eventually. So if the value of children is the only universal moral absolute I suspect that intentional harm caused to a child might be considered unforgivable by many. Just to provide an example.
Reinterpreting motivations can also make forgiveness a tricky thing. You may express forgiveness as genuine feeling, you may do it to unburden yourself or conform to societal or religious expectations. All but the first case actually represents a selfish action - although it can be argued that all actions are selfish if you dig deep enough.
Generally I consider myself to be very forgiving, often to my detriment. I believe in seconds chances so long as certain lines are never crossed. These lines are clear and finite and the response is almost predetermined. The odd time I’m been movable on these issues has always come back to bite me and perhaps rightly so.
I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes and will likely make many more. Knowing how strong a feeling of regret can be I think makes me more inclined to be forgiving. Why would we want others to feel that way?
Answer: to prevent future harm. So sometimes it seemes an important purpose to withhold forgiveness although only in those hopefully very rare cases.
July 23rd, 2007 at 12:48 pm
You’re right about forgiveness eventually breaking down into a selfish expression of feeling.
For me, it’s too much work to be angry at someone. Sure there are some who I remain angry at- but that is usually because they have done nothing for me to feel even the slightest bit of compassion for. But for those who are deserving of even a modicum of compassion, I just don’t (most of the time) have the energy or wherewithal to remain angry with them.
Oddly enough- I find it much easier to forgive one’s transgressions against me however when others are wronged- it is sometimes a herculean task for me to find forgiveness.
July 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm
I certainly agree about the tricky side of forgiving. If it is someone who harms your precious family, it is hard to determine if you can get past it. For instance, are we suggesting that we may never forgive because we believe a person can never change their ways? If that be true, have none of us ever changed in our thoughts or feelings about what we’ve done, or didn’t do? Did we not GROW…at some point along this journey to adulthood? Only proof of seeing a change in someone can make one consider forgiveness…of course, it depends on the degree of harm that was done. Some things are just unforgiveable to each individual’s personality, as to what they feel is forgiveable, or not. For a person never to forgive, shows what a small mind they might have…but again, it depends on the degree of harm that had been inflicted to that person.