Depression
Lately people seem to be concerned that I’m suffering from some kind of depression. I admit this is an odd time of year for me to be depressed.
But let’s compare now to this time last year. A year ago I had about 60% freedom, now I’m in the 20-30% range, if that. I’m working harder with less rest yet only keeping something like 20% of what I was last year. Everyday I have to pass through the most depressing intersection in the province if not the country…twice. I’ve been sick for something like 4.5 weeks. Not long ago I was betrayed by having the location of my blog leaked.
Also my career seems to have stalled. It’s not that I had big plans for myself or that I need rapid advancement or I’m unhappy where I am but everyone around me seems to be getting new opportunities. To paraphrase Admiral Hansen I feel like I’m standing still next to them.
My girlfriend pointed out that there appears to be a carrot-and-stick thing going on although that’s not exactly true. For one thing I don’t know what the carrot even is. For another it’s not like these promises of a bright future are causing me to do anything any differently than I would be doing otherwise. But the mystery is becoming a bit tired. At times it seems everyone knows what’s going to happen except for me. It’s a little frustrating. I understand the danger of making what seems like promises regarding an uncertain future but that doesn’t make it much easier on my end.
Going back to the comparison with a year ago, in the intervening year I’ve had nearly my entire life plan altered for me by people who are not me. Some who, as I mentioned, refuse to share their plans for me.
I’d say that given all that a mild case of depression is doing pretty good.
