Grazing Rites

Lately people seem to be concerned that I’m suffering from some kind of depression. I admit this is an odd time of year for me to be depressed.

But let’s compare now to this time last year. A year ago I had about 60% freedom, now I’m in the 20-30% range, if that. I’m working harder with less rest yet only keeping something like 20% of what I was last year. Everyday I have to pass through the most depressing intersection in the province if not the country…twice. I’ve been sick for something like 4.5 weeks. Not long ago I was betrayed by having the location of my blog leaked.

Also my career seems to have stalled. It’s not that I had big plans for myself or that I need rapid advancement or I’m unhappy where I am but everyone around me seems to be getting new opportunities. To paraphrase Admiral Hansen I feel like I’m standing still next to them.

My girlfriend pointed out that there appears to be a carrot-and-stick thing going on although that’s not exactly true. For one thing I don’t know what the carrot even is. For another it’s not like these promises of a bright future are causing me to do anything any differently than I would be doing otherwise. But the mystery is becoming a bit tired. At times it seems everyone knows what’s going to happen except for me. It’s a little frustrating. I understand the danger of making what seems like promises regarding an uncertain future but that doesn’t make it much easier on my end.

Going back to the comparison with a year ago, in the intervening year I’ve had nearly my entire life plan altered for me by people who are not me. Some who, as I mentioned, refuse to share their plans for me.

I’d say that given all that a mild case of depression is doing pretty good.

I hate the radio. No really, I hate it so much. If it’s not The Beat refusing to play more than 8 different songs in a day it’s Fox yaking endlessly or some station completely stealing the format of another station or extremely irritating commercials or a station selling out or misreporting something. The radio seems completely without virtue, there are virtually no redeeming qualities.

At work I’m often subjected to The Beat this time of year. Have you ever tried listening to a song you hate 12 times in a day? Multiply that by 7. The other night I lost 3 hours sleep to a radio. I’m almost convinced radios are out to ruin my sanity.

Well, what sanity I had.

How does this medium survive? With iPods and mp3 decks and podcasts and streaming video and music through the net or your phone…the list goes on and on. Although perhaps that’s part of the problem, all the competition forces them to sell out and operate on a tight budget.

But whatever the reason when radio goes the way of cassettes and the Dodo I won’t be too upset.

I think a small degree of cabin fever was beginning to set in recently on the home front. Frustration and repetition were becoming the order of the day. But the other day my girlfriend and the kid went to the sticks to visit some of her friends for almost the entire day. Within a few hours of coming home I began to miss them. It’s funny how that works. You go for so long sharing the space wishing for some time to yourself and when you finally get it you find yourself wondering what the others are up to.

Don’t get me wrong, I still really appreciate any time I get to myself.

It kind of reminds me of McCoy’s comments in V, “it’s a mystery to me what draws us together. All that time in space - getting on each other’s nerves. And what do we do when shore leave comes along? We spend it together.”

I despise platitudes but it’s an example of absence making the heart grow fonder. Gah. It’s so trite. I feel dirty.

So the Spocks have been cast for the next Star Trek movie. Leonard Nimoy will reprise the role for part of the movie while Zachary Quinto will play a younger Spock.

Firstly I’m very excited about Nimoy’s involvement for a variety of reasons. For one it means we may get a glimpse into post-Nemesis Trek which would be nice and perhaps silence the anti-prequel crowd. Maybe he’ll be on the Titan. But far more importantly Nimoy’s involvement is a huge sign that this will be a quality movie in terms of script, plot, dialog, relevance, and theme.

Having read Nimoy’s memoirs and simply observed the differences in films with varying levels of his involvement I believe his integrity as a professional would keep him from signing up for a project that did not meet his high standards. Even if Gene and Michael Piller both rose from the grave to bless this movie I would still take Nimoy’s approval as the litmus test of quality.

The new teaser poster seems to have some people concerned regarding the production values however I think these people are crazy. It uses the original logo and harkens back to the original series which further bolsters my confidence that they’ll remain true to the original as well as respect and maintain continuity which they’ve been saying they would do all along.

Transformers was also a huge relief with regards to the writing team. If they take a similar approach to Trek as they did Transformers then I think we’ll be fine. Better than fine.

And Zachary Quinto is a great choice. Jeff Quinn just isn’t quite ready yet. I really enjoyed Adam Kaufman from 24 and a transition from him to Spock seems natural to me. He’s got the look and I think he can pull off the quiet reserved dignity that can express so much in very subtle actions. Some have expressed concern that they won’t be able to look at him without seeing his Heroes character. Well, that’s what you get for watching Heroes.

I admit I was curious about the show after George Takei’s involvement had been announced but when I went to give it a try 10 minutes of a crazy cheerleader made me change the channel in disappointment. I found the acting and dialog painful. Perhaps I caught the worst 10 minutes of the show but it’s clearly no Firefly, any 10 minutes of that show will impress you.

I’m glad Zachary made the right choice here. For Spock > Heroes.

And that’s as it should be.

The other day someone asked me what my favorite place was. My first thought was: wow, what a great question. My second thought was: why does this seem so hard to answer? Had I never considered it before?

Well I really enjoyed London. I felt very at home on the tube or walking along the Thames. The Millennium Wheel was pretty sweet but not exactly tons of fun per se, not compared to some other places. So London is easily my favorite part of Europe but not my favorite place anywhere.

I really like West Edmonton Mall. An amusement park and a water park, what’s not to like? I could be there with my worst enemy and still have a blast. So WEM is my favorite place in Alberta, but not my favorite place anywhere.

Likewise Paramount Canada’s Wonderland was damn sweet but their poorly stocked gift shop detract slightly from their application.

The Six Flags Marine World was pretty cool and so was Universal Studios. I suppose I would have to give Universal the edge in that contest as animals bore me. So Universal is my favorite place in California but not my favorite place anywhere.

Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas is a serious contender. But my favorite place anywhere? I don’t know, it could get boring after awhile.

Splashdown is nice but a little crowded.

Cultus Lake on the other hand…I think it may well be my favorite place anywhere. With the exception of Valley Of Fear the slides aren’t that different from Splashdown but the atmosphere is very different. An older average age, less congestion. Some of the most relaxing time of my life has been spent laying on the grass by the volleyball court. Just today I commented how some of the most restful naps I’ve ever had were in that spot.

Much like when I used to sleep in the newly-created sanctuary that year I was GSHQ. Something about sleeping under a tree I guess but I digress.

Cultus is far enough away from the city that the air is clearer, you feel more in touch with nature, and I’ve never once run in to someone I know there. It’s like a vacation without all the hassle or expense. It fills a need in my soul. It’s just great.

And if you let me include Castle Fun Park which I always stop at on the way back, we definitely have a winner. The dichotomy of the day in the sun at a water park and underground mini golf really balances out the day. A day at my favorite place in the whole world. Sounds pretty good. I’ll be honest with you, I’ve dated women I didn’t even like just for a chance to go back.

So yea, I think we have a winner.

Although did do something similar at WEM…no, let’s stick with Cultus - it’s more natural and with the expansion they’re planning for next year they may very well be legally bound to rename it heaven. Ethically and morally bound at least.

And there staff are so nice! They once helped us catch a thief at our park!

I guess what I’m trying to say is if someone made it possible for me to go this year Burton might have some competition for Man Of The Year…

I’ve argued for years that Rice needed to have perjury charges brought against her for lying under oath regarding the infamous memo but I seemed to be the only one despite her clearly reversing herself within minutes.

But perhaps someone in the Bush administration will be held accountable for this lying double-talk behaviour. It seems that perjury charges against Gonzales may just be inevitable. Bush will probably intervene at some point to make sure he isn’t, you know, ACTUALLY held accountable but one more dishonest incompetent proven to be within Bush ranks can only serve to further hurt the Republican party, making John McCain the only one with a chance of saving it, not that it deserves to be saved.

Anyways, enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDMFlrZsUfQ

Life has lately felt largely like it has been made up solely of obligations. Granted there has been the odd oasis of personal choice like Transformers and Seattle but day-to-day the feeling of a lack of control persists.

My life used to be like that Depeche Mode song In Your Room…
“In your room
Where time stands still
Or moves at your will
Will you let the morning come soon…”
I oversaw every detail of my space and within those walls I was absolute ruler. I effectively had control of day and night.

Now it wasn’t all roses and champagne, there were challenges and serious problems but it was largely up to me what would happen.

2 loads of laundry took 2 hours under ideal circumstances and I had to walk a block and a half to do it. I figured having laundry facilities would make this easier and while mostly that’s true the other day it took me about 24 hours to do one load.

I also had an intermittent problem with mice which was very troubling and thankfully that’s behind me but now I get bugs because our windows have no screens. If it were just me the answer would be simple, don’t open the windows, but with 3 bodies and constant sterilization of bottles that isn’t really an option.

I used to have mold in some places, also very troubling. Now I have to deal with constant dampness due to the constant sterilization.

I’m tired of getting “suck it up, you have a kid” or “what did you expect?” in response to the airing of these concerns, it just trivializes my thoughts and feelings. Frankly compared to those common responses Sam’s “sucks to be you” seems downright respectful, caring, and empathetic. That’s right, pointing and laughing at me is almost preferred because it at least acknowledges my plight. Of course Jon’s “it will get better soon” is even more preferable.

And there’s no one responsible for all this which makes it harder to deal with - it’s almost easier when there’s a bad guy.

I know work will eventually taper off in the fall (assuming recent developments don’t have any impact on my status), vacation is less than 2 months away, and my son will eventually be more independent but when I wake up to a day in which my only choice may be what sub to have for lunch it’s a little hard to be enthusiastic.

I think a lack of regular new entertainment is part of the problem. No 24, Doctor Who, or Torchwood to look forward to each week. Not even new Dragon’s Den. Other people are constantly trying to get me to watch new shows but they don’t interest me.

There is one thing I’m a little excited about but I hesitate to mention it lest it turn out to be rumour but it looks like the software company whose message board I moderate are working on a Star Trek game for the Wii…

And if it’s true you best believe there’s precious few things in the ‘verse that could stop me from getting one.

I’ve been in several unions over the years, I’m actually in one now, but when it comes to the current labour strife I have to side with the city.

From my personal experience about half of all unions are great - they collect appropriate and non-crippling dues and protect and represent the workers well. But half of all unions in my experience hurt the workers as much if not more than employers. Crippling initiation fees and dues make it unprofitable to be working. I once received a paycheque of $7 because the rest of it went to government (30%) and the union (65%).

I’ve been ‘represented’ by unions with more Vice Presidents that people in my job classification, all wearing Armani suits when I couldn’t afford new shoes.

The conclusion? Unions are neither inherently good nor inherently bad. As such we need to be critical and aware of such organizations. Being a ‘union man’ a blindly supporting whatever any union does may have been useful during the Industrial Revolution but now unions themselves are, or at least have the potential to be, big bureaucratic business.

Now I’m not saying that’s the case here, my Much belaboured point is that unions can make mistakes and from my point of view, this one has.

The primary issue upon which they are striking is length of contract. They want the contract to expire immediately before the Olympics or a year later during a municipal election. I’ll give the union credit that they’re looking after their members and looking to the future however they’re being unreasonable. They want to be in a position of ridiculous superiority in the next negotiation so they’re spoiling this one.

But what about the old adage ‘ask for everything, settle for less’? While a truism it only applies to the BEGINNING of negotiations. If you’re in a strike situation, it’s settle-for-less time.

Do I even need to explain why this request is unreasonable? Everyone is negotiating now for contracts that cover the olympics and end not long thereafter, it’s currently the standard, even the goal of unions and employers alike. It’s fair, it’s appropriate, and it a very reasonable compromise of divergent interests. But apparently it’s not good enough.

And if you negotiate during an election you politicize the process and unless you have concrete unending support of the majority of the electorate then this does not help your position. Plus if a deal is signed and the government changes immediately thereafter the government could have cause to break the contract on the grounds that the previous administration gave up more than they could afford to buy votes. Alternatively if you negotiate with a new government threats of public outrage mean less as it’s a long time before you can hold them accountable at the polls and the electorate, sadly, does not have a long memory.

So not onlyis their primary request unreasonable, it’s downright counterproductive to their goals and morally questionable to third parties.

Now on to the secondary and ubiquitous issue: wages. A nearly 10% raise over 3 hears was offered. My rule is if it’s higher than inflation then you’re getting a good deal but they demand 8% more than that.

And even if all those nicely reasoned logical points don’t make the case there’s the selfish emotional side, I have enough problems I don’t need this. It’s the innocents that suffer most in this situation and frankly I’m getting tired of suffering for things I can’t control.

When does self awareness become complacency and cowardess?

Some of the worst people in our history lacked self awareness - no one ever sees themselves as evil.

On the other side of that some of our best people kept pushing themselves past their limitations to achieve great things.

But then there’s another group I call the William Hungs of society. They think they can overcome limitations that they cannot. Their endless futile efforts are at worst mocked publicly and at best are just really sad.

So how can we be self aware, push ourselves to grow, but not become Hitler or William Hung?

When does dedication, commitment, and resolve become obsession, obstinacy, and obtuse futility?

I seem to be asking a lot of the big questions lately.

I’ve tested some of my boundaries, pushed myself well beyond normal limits.

One time it resulted in mono.

And yet, looking back, I’m proud of that. That I was that dedicated to my commitments that I was willing to sacrifice my health for the people who needed me. I think it speaks well of my character but is this healthy in the long run?

When we discover a limitation in an effort to be self aware should we always strive to overcome it? That seems a little silly to me. For one thing if we only discover our limits to ignore them then what’s the point? More to the point, are we then no longer self aware?

It sounds like, as with many things, this is an area in which sound judgment is the answer. Perhaps a useful distinction is those limitations which we want to push past versus those that others would have us ignore. If you have a slight passive aggressive streak and don’t like that about yourself then by all means push those boundaries. But if you don’t like seafood, neither the taste nor other aspects of it and your friends want you to get over it then perhaps they’ve strayed into areas of personality.

To a certain extent our limitations determine who we are. I, for example, do not have an aptitude or interest in many sports - football and baseball for example. Yes I could push myself to practice at them, learn about them, and cultivate an interest but if the drive and motivation behind that comes from without rather than within the nobility of the effort is at best dubious.

Perhaps in areas in which our limitations do not harm ourselves or others and we have no drive or interest in changing them these so-called limits should just be considered part of our unique individuality and left alone. Under this philosophy you can still hold interventions for alcoholics and go on diets if you wish but in cases where you are doing no active harm to anyone there seems to be very little wrong with knowing and accepting your boundaries.

So if you can’t run a minute mile and see no point in doing so then be at peace. Life is too short, enjoy some of it.

I’m a firm believer that there are some things that cannot be forgiven. I’m a little shaky on what those things are but I don’t see anything wrong with refusing to forgive certain actions. The practical side of things is such forgiveness lends tacit consent to the offending behaviour and conceivably invites repetition of it.

I know that forgiveness is widely seen as a virtue and by-and-large I agree with that but there are limits.

In matters of philosophy there is only one true moral absolute: we value our children. The logic behind this is intuitive, simple, and devastating: any society that does not value it’s children will become extinct eventually. So if the value of children is the only universal moral absolute I suspect that intentional harm caused to a child might be considered unforgivable by many. Just to provide an example.

Reinterpreting motivations can also make forgiveness a tricky thing. You may express forgiveness as genuine feeling, you may do it to unburden yourself or conform to societal or religious expectations. All but the first case actually represents a selfish action - although it can be argued that all actions are selfish if you dig deep enough.

Generally I consider myself to be very forgiving, often to my detriment. I believe in seconds chances so long as certain lines are never crossed. These lines are clear and finite and the response is almost predetermined. The odd time I’m been movable on these issues has always come back to bite me and perhaps rightly so.

I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes and will likely make many more. Knowing how strong a feeling of regret can be I think makes me more inclined to be forgiving. Why would we want others to feel that way?

Answer: to prevent future harm. So sometimes it seemes an important purpose to withhold forgiveness although only in those hopefully very rare cases.

Why do some people feel the need to share horrible news? Tales of gruesome murder for example.

Did I hear about that woman who was vivisected? Why no, do tell! This can only serve to enrich and brighten my day.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to have my head in the sand. News that effects me, is relevant, or has global implication is very worthwhile. If there’s a genocide, famine, or natural disaster it’s worth talking about because collective action can improve the situation. If there’s a crime spree in my neighbourhood or a prominent politician dies it’s worth discussing. Supreme Court cases and new legal precedents are important.

Hearing about some woman in Alabama being raped, a jewel thief in New York, or a kidnapping in Europe doesn’t seem relevant to me.

Let’s assume people have a finite capacity for empathy. That maybe a fatigue sets in after a point. So bombarding them with irrelevant tales of woe could sap their empathy supply such that they become jaded and/or just depress them.

So why do people do it? Unfortunately Dear Reader I do not know as I am not one of those people…but I can of course theorize.

Perhaps they have nothing else to talk about. Perhaps sharing the tragedy is their coping mechanism. But how did they encounter the story in the first place? Let’s set aside masochism as a potential cause for now. Are they addicted to righteous indignation? A potent mistress to be sure. Does it perhaps make them feel better about themselves? Is it a car wreck you slow down to see? I admit to glancing at such things but I don’t actively search them out.

Crime story junkies maybe? I don’t know.

Why do they go looking for it? What do they hope to accomplish by sharing it?

I have no answers for you.

(Note: the following was written pre-Seattle)

Sometimes I think I have some very strange ideas about things’ value. We’ve all heard people complain about our consumption-driven throw-away society and I used to think they were just screaming at the rain but lately I’ve begun to see their point. It seems the amount of use I get out of something tends to be much more than the average.

Granted having a kid makes my observations slightly suspect what with the constant growing out of things but even then I think some careful planning could mitigate that a bit.

Take clothes. Do people really only wear garments for a single season and then toss them? Are people constantly buying clothes? The last bit of clothing I bought was a pair of swimming shorts a month ago but they’re for Orlando and I paid with a gift card from a returned Christmas gift so I don’t think they count. I wouldn’t have bought them if the gift card wasn’t set to expire.

Before that was a pair of dress pants for work and even that had the added purpose of a job interview. Oh and I got them on sale. Granted they are Ralph Lauren but at least I admit to being a brand whore. But that was 3 months ago, haven’t bought a bit of clothing with my own money since.

Prior to that all I’d purchased in the way of clothes this year were some dress socks for work on sale. Oh and a t-shirt at the BNL concert. But that’s it for the year. Most of those were just good planning or taking advantage of a unique opportunity. The one item of necessity was the pants. So the total cost of all that I put at about $85 (pants $50, shorts $10, t-shirt $20, socks $5).

That’s in 6 and a half months. That averages out to $13 per month and that’s actually rather high for me. If it hadn’t been for the concert, the interview, and the gift card I just would have got the socks. Let’s leave just the socks and the pants on the list and that’s $55 or $8.50 a month. Now that’s more common for me. I can only imagine what the rest of you spend.

Now take objects. For the purposes here I’ll define them as non-food non-gift items bought for your own enjoyment. This would include DVDs but not light bulbs. So far this year I bought a video game off ebay for $16 including tax and shipping. It hasn’t arrived yet but this represents a huge indulgence for me. I got a Transformers toy yesterday at BK for $1.50. A few Star Trek books total say $50.

I think that’s it. Call it $70 or $11 a month.

So what do I spend the rest of my time doing if I’m not shopping? Extracting value and enjoyment from what I already have.

Is it a sign that I’m getting old or a harbinger of the decline of western civilization that I think a lot of currently ‘popular’ music is crap?

Take a couple songs currently in high rotation on The Beat…

(is there such a thing as low rotation on The Beat?)

There’s a song about someone’s management telling them to go to rehab for alcoholism and the person responding by firing their management team. Aren’t there enough barriers to facing addiction, does denial really need it’s own theme song?

There’s another song that suggests beautiful women make men suicidal. This clearly has a positive message of mental health for the teenage masses.

And of course the song about some girl’s booty…sung by the girl. Wow another song about how hot someone thinks they are, great addition to the cultural fabric.

Although when the radio station only plays 8 songs all day long can you really blame the masses? Do people even genuinely like any of these songs? Or have we all just been brainwashed to accept whatever’s offered? If someone repeatedly tells us a song is good despite our disagreement how long until the barriers of our identity break down into non-cognition?

My point? The Beat’s lying to you man, change the channel. I recommend Jack where they celebrate the spirit of the individual, not try to crush it.

Just look at the ads on The Beat: sex toys and restaurants with nothing on their menu that doesn’t have alcohol - surely this enriches our lives.

Why is it that we sometimes feel the need to keep secrets? I’m not talking about important secrets like our passwords and what we’re getting you for Christmas but little secrets about ourselves. Are we afraid of disapproval? Or perhaps we need to have secrets in an effort to distinguish us from everyone else? Are secrets an essential part of our individuality?

For example if someone you lived with knew all of your secrets wouldn’t life become rather dull? No surprises? Then your entertainment value as a conversationalist would almost completely boil down to what happened to you that day. That would be unfortunate but at the same time I think we need to be judicious about what we keep secret. Is it something that you just haven’t mentioned or would someone view the lack of disclosure with distrust?

For example a fair secret would be reading the gossip column every day, a perhaps more questionable secret would be not telling your partner about some medication you are taking. In the first example the only consequence would be a perhaps unhealthy level of knowledge of the private lives of celebrities - if it doesn’t affect the production schedule of 24, Doctor Who, or the Transformers sequels I could care less who is pregnant.

But in the case of the second example where an allergic reaction could potentially endanger your health it may not be as wise to keep it to yourself.

Some secrets are healthy and even fun like the outfit you plan on wearing at a special occasion but I think it’s worthwhile to share the bigger stuff. Secrets for their own sake seem to have very little value to me, especially when you consider that you never know when they might come out.

Be warned closet Trekkies and Trekkers there is a new trap ready to out you. I was discussing the new Transformers movie, awesome by the way, when I got onto the topic of the 2 sequels that have been green lit. We began talking about comparative continuity when Galavtron came up. Continuing with the already established thread in the conversation of voice actors we thought it would be cool if Leonard Nimoy reprised the role.

“Isn’t he dead?” said the fellow I was speaking to.

“No, he’s semi-retired as a photographer” I say.

“Well then” he says giving the Vulcan salute, “may the force be with you”

Balls.

Not only had I been outed, he was being a jerk about it. Tempting the nerd wrath.

“I just spend too much time on Wikipedia” I say. He just walks away.

You win this round.

But what really sucks is that I’m normally so good avoiding those traps.

For example there was this fellow at work that I was having an ongoing insult war with. Someone turned traitor on me and informed him of my weakness. He broke in on a meeting and said “Kirk and Skywalker are the same person right?”

Such a pitiful trap was hardly worthy of this adversary.

I look up at him in well-feigned confusion and said “I’m sorry who are you talking about?”

He blushed but continued “Captain Kirk, he’s Luke Skywalker right? The same person”

“I’m sorry, are these friends of yours?” I ask.

“No!” he says growing frustrated “Star Trek and Star Wars are the same thing, doesn’t that get you all riled up?”

“I’m sorry, we’re having a meeting,” I said “perhaps we can discuss your hobbies at a more appropriate time”

“They’re not MY…argh!” he said and stormed off.

I must be slipping.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never read all of 1984. I got about a third of the way into it and got frustrated with it’s slow pace and repetitive nature. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a basic understanding of it’s concepts. People don’t have to have read the book to know what Orwellian means.

And you don’t have to look far to see it either.

Can you even talk about illegal NSA wiretaps without referencing Big Brother?

Perpetual War
Did the US need to go to war with Iraq? Not really. Yes I believe the war in Afghanistan necessary but also more easily winnable, if there is such a thing, had the US not gone into Iraq. The invasion of Iraq can easily be seen as prolonging the conflict in Afghanistan.

Could the US have stabilized Iraq by now? Quite possibility. Throw a com-sat with high resolution imaging with thermal filters over the Pakistan-Iraq border, commit more forces, and actually equip and supply them adequately. But they haven’t done that. They have created a situation of perpetual war. Studies show incumbents get an additional 10% of the vote during wartime.

The endless war provides the excuse for unlawful and unethical actions that subvert rights. The re-arranging of government and granting of special powers and authority. If the 1984 analogy is too dated for you compare it to then consider Palpatine’s actions in the Star Wars prequel movies.

Newspeak
In 1984 the flow of information has become so controlled and devoid of reality a new language emerges so words can have an opposite meaning.

Think about Cheney one day claiming to be a part of the executive and later not. Consider Tony Snow claiming firings were performance based and then claiming he never said it. And why did the US invade Iraq? WMDs? Saddam? Spreading democracy? Depends when you watch But whenever one reason is claimed they insist it was the only reason there ever was. Hell, just listen to Bush speak and you’ll see that it isn’t consistent or plain, or indeed any other form of, English.

I could go on but alas I haven’t read the whole book. Perhaps I should, for the good of the nation of my birth.

Who else is there to save us? Okay, yea, Obama, McCain, Clinton, Colbert, and Stewart but I mean other than them.

Here’s the challenge: Isolate one month in your bank accounts (i.e. chequing, Visa), I used June. Then start putting all of your expenditures into categories. Add them up, compare them with the total. Find out where your money is going.

I grouped my expenses into 7 categories, two of which break down into sub-categories.

Rent - 37%

Food - 35%
This category broke down into…
-Eating Out at 16% (Red Robin, Cactus Club, BP, Milestones)
-Fast Food at 14% (Subway for lunch at work, picking up McDonald’s or Pizza on the way home, food court)
-Groceries at 5% (Buy Low, Safeway, Superstore, Save-On)

Entertainment - 10%
This category broke down into…
-Cable TV at 8%
-Books at 2%
-Movies at 1%

There was a 3-way tie for 4th…
Transit, Appearance, and Gifts all at 5% each

Cell Phone - 3%

These figures obviously don’t account for purchases made in cash, those generally tend to be of the food and entertainment variety I should think.

I would be very curious to see what other people come up with, hopefully someone (or a few someones) will step up and take the challenge!

Just made last-minute plans to go to the beach so I get the water guns and Frisbee out from under my desk at work.

What?

The question isn’t why do I have these things under my desk, the question is: why don’t you?

Weirdo.

I’ve figured out why the BC Liberals haven’t faced a general insurrection over the last year: The APC.

That’s right, y’all knew this post was coming so sit back and don’t go no where.

Nothing makes me want to support all levels of government like the APC. These lawbreaking jerks are so objectionable, so stupid, so downright abhorrent that they make me want to support whatever they’re opposing.

They have a rally ostensibly against police brutality where they savagely beat a police officer and cause property damage to an outlet of the media that had done nothing but promote their efforts by reporting on them.

They demand more free access to municipal level government proceedings which are largely already open to the public. When somebody points this out to them they go to the meeting and refuse to let anyone speak, cause property damage, and assault government and police officials.

They demanded the government look into the condition of low income housing, the government does so and is forced to close several locations due to health and building code violations so the APC cries foul and says it was done for the Olympics and holds several illegal squats. When police try to enforce the law they are again assaulted.

So the APC sets its sights on VANOC doing their best to disrupt meetings and ceremonies, again clashing with police.

Frankly the police have by-and-large shown almost saintly restraint dealing with these people. I think a case could have been made for an escalation of the use of force with the APC since they have historically turned violent against the police and publicly stated as much. So when the APC made public threats against specific individuals on the VANOC board breaking all sorts of laws such as uttering threats, harassment, and defamation just to name 3 the police knew a confrontation was inevitable.

Personally I would have arrested everyone in the APC who had broken the law and throw the book at them. Jail is free housing for the inmates after all. I also would have encouraged VANOC members to apply for restraining orders. As well I’d get the  APC officially labeled as a hate group with a directive to disband and I would have sent CSIS to infiltrate them. An overreaction perhaps but just how far away are these guys from the FLQ in terms of tactics?

Granted they’re probably not as organized and surely not as funded but is it worth the risk of letting the Conservatives invoke the War Measures Act as soon as these goons take a hostage? That may seem extreme but I would also characterize beating an officer of the peace extreme. How can other crimes be far behind?

Actually these guys are terrorists. Seriously. Define a terrorist. I would say a person who uses violence and the threat of same (i.e. terror) to achieve their goals.

Okay, what about the old adage “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter“? Well, for one thing they’re attacking democratically elected representatives. But more importantly the ‘enemy’ invited them to the conversation but they were too hotheaded and juvenile to do anything with it. Frankly a reasoned and polite debate seems to be beyond them.

So clearly my response would be to kick ass and take names. Justice would be swift. What did the police do? They impersonated a reporter from the newspaper whose boxes the APC destroyed asking for an interview and took their leader into custody. He then agreed to keep the peace and was released. He immediately ran to the media and reversed himself promising the campaign of harassment was undeterred despite his promise to the contrary.

How can anyone look to a person who can’t go a day without keeping a legally binding promise to hold others accountable?

And how did pundits react? Outrage at the police!

They avoided a violent altercation by going undercover - this is an accepted practice. Granted the choice of cover was questionable as it does raise concerns about protecting the rights of whistle blowers in the future but no other cover would have worked. The only vice this guy seems to have beyond breaking the law is his thirst for media attention.

And have you heard him? His arguments are anything but reasoned. I have great respect for Michael Moore but the term “fifth grade Michael Moore logic” would seem to apply. He sees things in terms of paranoid conspiracy and offers nothing but mindless criticism rather than policy alternatives.

Would it be fair to say I hate the APC? Yea, probably. Because for all their bluster and bravado they’re doing their cause far more harm than good. Their rampant and public breaking of the law with minimal to no consequences makes the rest of us a little less safe. What’s to stop the APC from declaring any one of us an enemy combatant in this idiotic class war of theirs? They trashed a government office that only had one room that was very rarely used by an aide to someone on their hit list - and they never even went to that room!

What right do they have to rampage the offices of totally unrelated people? The receptionists and secretaries terrorized, were they a part of this mysterious plot to make people poor? Do they deserve to live in fear?

What right does the APC have? The right granted them by the incomplete application of the law. They claim these criminal acts protest or free speech and suddenly everyone’s afraid to do anything about it or say anything critical. Well not me. I say they’re wrong. Their cause may be just but their goals are unreasonable and their methods abhorrent and counterproductive.

They’re confused citizens at best, petulant children moderately, and terrorists at worst. Either way they need to be sent a clear message before someone dies. Declare my call for action extreme, I would be happy to be wrong but right now I think things will get worse before they get better and it’s the innocent who will suffer the most.

And if the provincial NDP and Greens came out in support of the APC? You just might catch me voting BC Liberal.

What greater sign of an impending apocalypse do you need?

Last year the federal government brought in a tax break for people who take transit regularly. Specifically for those using month passes. If memory serves it works out to be something like $12 a month in terms of cash back in your pocket.

Now as you know I’m no fan of the Conservatives but this one move looked at in isolation was great. Yes in the greater scheme of things it was a minor thing to do to cover up for a lack of comprehensive environmental policy and of course it comes in the form of a tax break, a staple of conservatives worldwide but as I said ignoring that for now it was a small step in the right direction providing citizens an economic incentive to go green.

Locally Translink recently decided to increase their fares. Although ‘decide’ is hardly the right word, in order to claim revenue from the gas tax they are required to raise fares, the head of Translink himself said he wished they didn’t have to do it and that fares are too high as it is. As a percentage the single use fairs get the short end of the stick. Monthly fares are going up as well but by a smaller percentage.

Take the 1 zone month fare for example. Currently $69 set to go up $5 to $74. So after taking the recent tax break into account that’s still $7 LESS than we were paying 2 years ago - assuming you do your taxes.

But I haven’t accounted for inflation yet. Normally I use 3% to be safe but I’ll be generous and assume an average inflation rate of 2%. It’s been at least 5 years since the month pass was increased. So that’s about $6.90 LESS in terms of real money (i.e. purchasing power) that we spend today versus 5 years ago. Again I’ll be generous and round that down to $6.

So for a 1 zone monthly rider that’s $11 less than 5 years ago we’ll be paying AFTER the increase. The increase itself is less than inflation!

So I daresay that puts a different spin on what some of the bellyachers have been saying. Don’t get me wrong I think a fully subsidized transit system is a good idea but screaming at the rain because of a fare hike has almost become mindlessly popular. When you know you’re paying $11 a month less than 5 years ago it kind of pops that balloon of hot air.

Now on to the protests. The bus riders union, or whatever they’re calling themselves, put up nigh impossible to tear down posters demanding 500 new buses be purchased claiming not to do so was a crime against human dignity. A cause I could have supported had they not started the campaign AFTER more than 500 new buses, all better for the environment, had already been ordered!

They staged an hour-long protest that closed a bridge on a major artery protesting the fare hike and trying to encourage people to take transit or bike to work. The result? Tons of cars kept idling for an hour spewing carbon monoxide into the air that need not have happened. They’re protesting a fare that is lower, destroying the environment, and pissing people off. How can anyone support that?

Maybe they’re TRYING to fail. Maybe they’re plants designed to cement public support for the fare hike because given their methods and lack of information they’re certainly not making many friends.

I’m all in favour of protest with purpose but this isn’t it. Why can’t they go plant a tree, go see Sicko, or donate to Amnesty International? Weekend to End Breast Cancer is coming up. There are some real causes worth fighting for out there, people are dying, and these guys aren’t helping. They’re not just wasting their time - they’re actually making it worse and working against themselves.

They want new buses, new routes, more frequent service AND lower fares? These things don’t happen in a vacuum. Drivers deserve to be paid, buses aren’t free. Why not protest for why y’all don’t have a million dollars and a unicorn while you’re at it?

Oh, better yet, protest to abolish the right to protest - it makes about as much sense.

Admirable goals, no brains.

I know it’s problematic to discuss work issues here but I feel the need to vent.

One of my staff was recently treated poorly by someone not following procedures and I stood up for her and was rebuked rather hard by that person’s superior. The person in charge of the aggressor made some thinly veiled comments that let me believe I would get in trouble for standing up for my people. Now in the past when I’ve asserted myself I generally received some criticism as to how I handled it from my boss.

Not this time. I kept my boss in the loop from the beginning but I handled it myself. Frankly I was a little on edge because the criticism usually came within hours but this time a day had passed without a peep. Was a rather large shoe waiting to drop?

Turns out not only did she seem to completely support my handling of the situation but she seemed more irked than I was! I barely had to say a word because she was putting my feelings into words better than I could!

I must say it feels great to have that kind of support. I guess I took her criticism of previous circumstances to heart and appropriately adjusted my behaviour - it’s hard to judge those things.

I freely admit I can get a little…let’s say fierce in defending my people. But I’d like to think I’ve reigned myself in pretty well. Focused on the facts, informed rather than complained, kept the emotion out, kept an open mind, and apologized in advance for potential misunderstanding.

RV used to call me volatile, now he calls me to be the calm head when he gets riled up, rare as that is.

A former boss once accused me of starting a pissing contest. I’d like to think I’ve learned from these things and thankfully it looks like I have. Because let me tell you not defending my team is NOT an option.

I spent an hour trying to come up with a good title for this entry. Rejected ideas included ‘The Best Of Both Worlds’, ‘Melbourne’, ‘Wet Cement’, ‘I Bet They Wouldn’t Read This’, ‘Aries’, ‘The Icarus Factor’, ‘Family’, and ‘RIP Michael Piller’. Feel free to vote for your favorite.

Having a bit of stress at work lately. Being sick doesn’t help. With that mindset someone came forward to suggest I take a look at the VANOC website as there is currently a posting for a full-time year-round position for a 3 year contract with benefits that kick in after 6 months to do essentially what I am doing now, except there would be no established procedures to follow and enforce, I’d be making it all up myself. And I would have the job title ‘Manager’ which tempts the ego.

I don’t think I’m completely qualified but I can’t silence the voice in the back of my head that has said dozens if not hundreds of times in the last couple years “in this job market you don’t have to be qualified, you just have to be slightly more qualified than everybody else“. So not feeling particularly great both physically and emotionally (perhaps even spiritually - a case could be made) I found myself actually considering it.

It’s not like things here are bad, it’s a tiny rough patch I’ll probably forget about in a week or two. But I was thinking that recent issues over my personal self expression and defending my staff may have undone some of my recent successes - granted both circumstances came about entirely due to the unprofessionalism of others. But nevertheless, the deed is done. I had all but decided that how the current situation with another department resolves itself would determine whether I apply or not. Thus far my direct supervisor had been very supportive so as long as that continued I doubt I would have ended up applying but it is conceivable that it could go either way still.

“I can always apply and then not accept it if it’s offered” I thought to myself as I looked wistfully at my 10 year service pin “I don’t even know what it pays“.

Then the call came.

A bizarre request to hand-deliver a minor supply to my old stomping grounds. It was from someone I’ve worked with for years and respect both professionally and personally. Were I to need parenting advice he’s one of the few people at work I might feel comfortable approaching. As such I didn’t mind going out of my way at all.

Once more the fair was ready to provide.

Upon arrival I was warmly welcomed by my former coworkers. I then ran into the person I was to make the delivery to only to discover there was a mix-up and I didn’t need to hand deliver the item but I didn’t mind. We chatted for a bit along with a more senior person who with one notable exception I’ve always gotten along with. They both seemed genuinely happy to see me and we chatted for quite awhile, eventually losing track of time.

Then I spent a little time with my former department and I frequently saw evidence of my influence. Signage, forms, and procedures I had created were still being used and updated. My hard work was still serving the old team and they had picked up the torch very well despite some rather trying circumstances. I had made a difference here, and people I had never met were still benefiting from it. What greater legacy does one need?

A hundred small things over busy day-to-day life but when I returned I could see my personality was still there. It was flattering, gratifying, and just a little eerie. I fully expected huge changes to the point that it would be unrecognizable and foreign - in point of fact that is probably part of why I don’t visit more often as that might have been hard to see. But to see the track I had laid as a part of a linear progression of positive improvement - how many people get to see that?

Someone once said “It would be interesting, Captain, to return to that world in 100 years and learn what crop had sprung from the seed you planted today” Of course it didn’t work out so well for them but how many people get the opportunity? Had I moved on to a different organization I certainly would not have.

The dilemma on the subject is not yet resolved, it will be in the back of my mind until the submittal date for applications passes but let’s just say one isn’t like to go broke betting on me staying with my current employer. Something about playing the long game appeals to me.

A little less than a year ago I put 4 grand into my RRSP. Why? It seemed a good idea at the time. There was a variety of reasons but I made a snap decision and never looked back. No regrets, no hesitation, no consequences thus far save a tax break and some interest.

Nowadays I agonize over where to invest the odd $100 I have to play with. I’ll be honest with you, I miss my disposable income. I miss having more finances to play around with. I actually enjoy crunching the numbers to see where I am, where I’ve been and figuring out different plans for where I’m going. Planning for the future and observing progress is fun and comforting to me. I realize this is very strange.

But it’s hard to look at your finances like a game when it affects other people. It’s not just your future freedom, fun, and stability - the decisions I make today could determine my child’s future. They may not, but how can I ignore the possibility? The situation’s far more complicated now. And of course when I have the money I don’t have the time to really look into my options in detail and when I have the time I don’t have the money.

It probably also didn’t help that I quit one job and took a leave of absence from another. Don’t get me wrong those were the right choices, it’s just hard to see that on a balance sheet. I guess part of what it all boils down to is a need to redefine ‘progress’. Simply maintaining the status quo while keeping everything afloat is the new progress.

Follow the chain: My girlfriend wants to see the first episode of the new Doctor Who. At the beginning of the episode I find myself wondering about how Billie Piper made the transition from pop star to actress. That reminded me I wanted to put some new music on my PDA. Since that was what reminded me I included some Billie Piper in the mix. Several days later the mp3 comes up in the play list as I’m headed home. It makes me smile. But my mind abhors a lack of deep thought so I begin to ponder the lyrics of a long forgotten pop song from the UK.

So with all that background you can understand how I come to say the following…

I was thinking about the phrase ‘because we want to’ the other day. As a child I found it frustrating because it was a non-answer. It wasn’t a reason or a cause. I found the one-word response “because” a bit more frustrating for the same reason. I also suspect this phrase (’because we/I want to’) vexes parents and babysitters for similar reasons.

But as I get older I find that in certain situations it is the perfect answer. Something to strive for.

I swear I’m not crazy.

Consider the last time you had the dreaded “what do you wanna do?” v. “I dunno, what do you wanna do?” debate.

As we get older we, or at least the more responsible among us, become obsessed with what we CAN do or what we SHOULD do. What’s expected of us, what can we afford, what has the most utility becomes the focus to the point that we lose touch of what we really want for completely selfish reasons.

When was the last time you did something just because you wanted to and no other reason? It would be nice if we could find a cost-free way to do one thing every day simply because we want to. How else are we to stay in touch with ourselves?

What more pure expression of self could there be than doing something because we want to?

And that’s The Wørd.