Intervention Requested
Jon seemed quite distraught over my recent observation that he’d quote ‘gone soft on me’. Now I definitely want to say, on the record, that most of the changes/evolution has been to generally positive effect. That said, I’m happy (if challenged) to do my best to try and fulfill his request for help rediscovering the better parts of Jon that was.
To clarify I define ‘Jon that was’ as the Jon on any road trip, the Jon after Sam but before marriage, the Jon that laughed he-knows-when. The quintessential Jon moment when in a fit of inspired justice and comedy he dumped a horrible woman by leaving a note on her door signed with his full name; the Jon who defied convention at every turn without consequence; the Jon who saw the world as one large Improv stage.
Outrageous Jon.
Well, more outrageous.
If you can imagine.
Not the Jon that pretended to be racist just to test a new girlfriend of mine he was meeting for the first time or Clubbing in my home city Jon - neither of those Jons seemed to work out as well.
But how to recapture the essence of Jon that was…there’s the rub.
For some reason I see laser tag and a road trip in the solution somewhere, both of which may prove somewhat challenging.
For one, Jon that was never would have sold his car except to help buy a new one.
No version of Jon seemed particularly good with money. In high school he wanted to by a bat’leth until he discovered it was too expensive. Then he wanted to buy a kilt until discovering that too was too expensive. He’s probably spent most of his adult life earning more than me yet never seemed to have much in the way of savings. Not that it’s been his fault lately but I’ll leave the issues of spousal support for another time.
So how to recapture irrepressible, spontaneous Jon…without upsetting me from any time frame…
Naturally his first stab at a solution was to suggest going out drinking.
I suppose it’s comforting to know that SOME things NEVER change.
But Patch Adams Jon isn’t going to be found in any sitcom solution of a guy’s night out. He’s not that simple.
He needs to run amok in a town that does not double as either of our back yards, arbitrarily playing roles completely random and unusual. Examples that come to mind include…
-Almost turning his wedding reception into The Price Is Right
-Buying a cowboy hat and screaming hysterically when the rides at the Calgary Stampede got to a slow part
-Convincing a science centre employee in Edmonton that we were a gay couple
-Defeating a road block with a decepticon decal
-Delivering an improvised monologue on the WRONG topic but doing such a great job he inspired Roger Cross of 24 fame to stand up for him
-Driving while watching Family Guy (not recommended)
-Pretending to be mentally handicapped at a Denny’s because a waitress asked him if he was retarded
-Racing rice rockets in Edmonton trying to intimidate them by blasting All Your Base Are Belong to Us
-Using the Jedi mind trick to avoid paying for parking
Just to name a few.
