By Request
It has been requested that I write an entry about the last weekend Jon visited. I informed those making the request that, while interesting, I was not inspired on how to express it but they didn’t mind. So I implore you, good reader, to forgive the temporary decline in the quality, originality, and creativity in my prose.
I knew Jon was coming for awhile, and not in the usual he-told-me-6-weeks-ago-but-I-wasn’t-sure-it-would-happen-so-I-forgot sorta way but the remembered-the-date-kept-the-schedule-free sorta way. I even toyed with the idea of putting him up at my new place but that became unworkable.
As usual ETAs were loose so I was at Buy-Low with my girlfriend and her brother when the call came. I didn’t know if I was getting a ride back so I was unsure of how much to buy so Jon’s call saved me from that quandary.
At my place, after Jon expressed some chagrin at adding to my recently blogged baby stress, we played Catch Phrase on the floor of my bedroom as we have no living room. We tried a couple variants of the game to combat Warren’s ’strategy’ but keep everyone involved, it was a lot of fun as always and now we have like 6 different ways to play the game.
Then it was off to theatresports but there was a problem.
In the early planning stages of this visit Jon kept saying “I’ll be driving a jeep“. Odd but I’m not about to look mobility in the mouth. Then when I inquired as to what baby stuff he would be bringing he said “oh, we’ll probably be bringing the mustang so not that much“. In point of fact he didn’t bring anything but more to the point he kept referring to “the mustang” as if I should know it.
I wish I had, for it was missing something we required, namely a fifth seat. Being the, how shall I put it, least massive of the group (a factor of height and muscle mass as much as width and fat) I got stuck in the nonexistent seat which was made up of two people’s legs and no seat belt.
The very definition of illegal, we were on our way when it was revealed to me our driver was a former street racer. Her radar setup and driving style made it apparent that her giving it up must have been a very recent, perhaps even incomplete, change. Thanks in part to my friend’s vice-like grip I made it there in one piece, albeit bent - or perhaps I should say folded - at the middle.
Upon our arrival I inquired after the trunk, thinking it might be more spacious, comfortable, and hidden from the prying eyes of a lawman. Unfortunately it had a bunch of stuff in it, including some baby things…
So we found the theatre easily enough, in fact probably the easiest time I’ve ever had at that search. We caught two shows, during the intermission of the first another friend of Jon’s arrived and promptly got into a fight with the house manager for sitting on, and putting his crap all over, the stage despite logic, common sense, and signage to the contrary.
Not only did he argue the point but soon as her back was turned did it again. She threatened to throw him out, he called her a fascist. Suffice to say he was completely in the wrong and had it come down to it I would have happily assisted in his forced removal. He wouldn’t stop talking about it for the entire break, I was about to tell him just how wrong, rude, and stupid he was when he finally stopped.
Josh had chosen a seat in the centre and we were all in the front row much like Jon’s bachelor party all those years ago. Josh threw out several excellent suggestions many of which were selected and then utilized to generally hilarious effect.
So naturally I was insanely jealous.
Sure, a couple of my suggestions were also used but not nearly as many. Between shows I made my declaration of war quite clear. I may not win the battle of quality but quantity was within my reach. I succeeded in catching up to and surpassing Josh in number of suggestions taken and celebrated by throwing my scarf over my head like an old woman and folding myself in half for the ride home.
Good times were had by all.
