Grazing Rites

I’ve been somewhat lucky in the response to the baby situation thus far but it seems that now that I’ve moved my luck has run out. The accusations have started to come in regarding my preparedness, communication, and the subtle hints of people questioning my parenting abilities. Earlier today I cried uncle and the response was “it’s only going to get worse“. And here I had thought I was doing well.

I had the new place secured, even the new bed seems pretty much picked out, names figured out, a volunteer army of babysitters, 2 people ready to back me up if I faint during the delivery, a pretty solid financial plan in mind, donations of free second-hand baby stuff lined up, and registries ready to be populated but it seems my preparedness and communication has been weighed and found lacking for 72 days before the due date.

It seems certain people disagree with my approach. It seems I should have bought tons of baby stuff BEFORE having a place to store it or know what exactly I was getting at no cost and simultaneously register for other stuff too. Now my admittedly inexperienced eye sees the outcome of that approach resulting in us have 3 or more of some things and none of others largely without organization and outside of our control. What good would 3 cribs that don’t fit in our place be if we don’t have a carseat to bring the kid home?

Others also seem to think when I lost 2 and a half days that I had set aside for packing that I should have spent that time sending e-mails and chatting on the phone rather than the rapid packing that was required.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the offers of support. Some of the judgment I could do without. Yes, maybe you did have everything bought in the first month of the pregnancy but you didn’t have to move like we do. Again, I don’t want to come off as ungrateful but I’d really appreciate it if everyone could respect our right to do things in our own way. In the order that makes sense for us. Please accept that our circumstance might be just a little different than whatever yours may have been.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d be wishing for the days when not running for the hills was enough to be considered not letting the side down.

So if you find yourself about to say something that could easily end with “…and that’s why you’re not ready” or “…and that’s the difference between you and a REAL parent” I’d rather not hear what would come before it because I’ve heard both since I moved 3 days ago and I have to say, they don’t help. It might make you feel good in your superior experience to put me down but don’t delude yourself into thinking that pointing out my perceived flaws is in some way helping. Maybe you’re completely right and I do have all that and more coming for getting into this situation but I’m doing the best I can, I don’t see how added pressure and condescension can in anyway help my unborn child.

I really don’t mean to be a dick here but the alternative seems to be a substantial freak out, I believe asserting myself is a better approach. Your goodwill towards me may have run out and if I spent it poorly I apologize but please believe when I say there’s already enough pressure and guilt to spread around, we’ve got that in spades. Yes, there are some things I could have done better and wish I had, will you take my word for it?

The time to help was when I needed boxes moved, not critiquing where and how I did that after the fact.

I realize, and sincerely hope, that most of this little rant doesn’t apply to most people but if it does and you want to help in a substantial way there is another move on the horizon, I’ll let you know when the details are figured out.

Thanks for reading and please don’t judge me too harshly in my frustration.

This entry was posted on February 4, 2007 at 10:12 pm and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.