Grazing Rites

I’ve been working on this entry for a couple months now, it’s as complete as it’s likely to get…

That’s the thing to do at this time of year, isn’t it? Reflect on what’s passed and look ahead to the future? Year in review and all that?

The year ahead certainly looks nothing like 2006 did before I got to know it better. Early on I had my first life-altering event, changing jobs. Not companies but departments. This I would have to say thus far seems to have been a bold move forward. I’m trying really hard to talk about this without quoting The Best Of Both Worlds (TNG). I guess the true test of this will be my raise, currently pushed back to next week.

Not long after accepting my new position I took a mini-vacation to Edmonton. It had it’s ups and downs and as with all vacations was a little eye-opening. When I look back on it now I mostly remember staying so close to the mall, the pool at the hotel, having too many crepes, stealing WiFi everywhere, and most of all that blue-funnel slide at the water park - damn that was sweet, reason enough to go back by itself.

Upon my return I began this very blog which has had some very pleasantly surprising side effects, largely bringing me closer to people.

The new Pet Shop Boys album came out shortly thereafter. I know this probably sounds like the most inconsequential of footnotes but this was actually a pretty big deal in my universe. It showed me that the road ahead CAN be as good as the one behind, gave me new outlets of expression, and brought back and elevated my appreciation for the group. Frankly after Release I was beginning to have some doubts.

Then of course came the somewhat bizarre drama with Laura. Her recent msn picture was of her and her ex so it appears I was quite correct in deducing what was really going on.

Later my girlfriend and I getting together and the subsequent surprise (I cover this briefly as so much has already been said and written on the subject).

Then came a Fair largely without free food, an unrivaled travesty I hope not set to recur. Definitely a huge adjustment going from 10 to only 6 days a week. That’s right, I used to do upwards for 10 days worth of work-hours in a week during fair. Hunky Bill’s and my increased access to it helped alot to make it feel like fair. As well as frequent visits with the old crew and the parade.

Joining the Bethesda message board in fall hardly seemed a noteworthy event at the time.

A road trip with Burton, Kam, and his brother to Seattle was great fun and food for the soul.

The release of Encounters and to a lesser extent Tactical Assault was food for the inner child.

Then our vacation in November to Seattle and Las Vegas. Riding the train…seeing Pet Shop Boys live was indescribable and perhaps the one thing my sister may ever be jealous of me for…Las Vegas…The Experience…sitting in the Captain’s Chair with the first gift for my child…that trip was definitely full of special memories that, while cherished, are of a sort I fear may never come again.

The release of Legacy and my subsequent promotion to moderator at the official boards.

And being able to get Burton a PS2 for Christmas and spending New Years with Warren was a nice way to wrap up the year.

On the whole it was a very good year full of plenty new challenges as well as new joys and rewards.

Morris
24 does a great job of drawing you in, making you feel what their characters are feeling and wonder at the same questions they do. Your puzzles are often theirs. That said can Morris still do his job? I have no freaking clue. I want him to so he can stick around because he’s fascinating to watch. Evidence is inconclusive at this time, yes the bottle seems damning but did he actually consume any of it? I realize in the real world taking this approach would be considered enabling but I’m just trying to second-guess a TV show here.

Wayne
The journey is complete; this is old Wayne as the president. He knows the score, he knows the game, and he knows how to play with strength, courage, and conviction. Damn entertaining to watch. They better not kill him.

Reed
“We’re killing the president of the united states”? Could you please try to sound MORE like you’re wearing a wire? He wasn’t but it still sounded like Peter Griffin asking to score drugs.

Tom
He hears just enough about the plot to foil/expose it, thus he shall escape and/or die.

The New Logan
To be honest I liked NOTHING about Logan prior to this episode. I’m not that fond of the actor, the character be it the blithering idiot or conspirator neither did I find entertaining. This new born-again Logan, now this is interesting. I daresay his previous incarnations had too much character, making him almost a caricature or parody of sorts. Yes an incompetent president sounds interesting on the page, so does a president working with terrorists but somehow the execution wasn’t convincing. But here, in this episode, a few moments of screen time and he brought a depth and reality to the character that was instantly compelling. All it took, much like with Shatner, was reigning in the overacting. One thing I don’t understand is why Logan wants to meet this fellow at the consulate – it’s technically not US territory so once there he is, legally speaking, in another country. If his influence is as great as he makes it sound he really should be able to lure him out with the threat of going public, then Jack could grab him and torture him as needed if Logan’s coercion is ineffective.

Assad
Meaty, meaty stuff. He takes everything he can out of every second in a scene. I’ve been watching some DS9 lately and one thing I think that is different is he seems to really make more use of out every second. On DS9 he just as often was a background character as a lead in a scene. Seven years of that and you begin to take it for granted a bit I think. I feel as if Alexander is hungry for this. The potentially tragic thing is, out of all the known characters he is the most likely not to survive the blast.

Nitpicking
The STANTON institute?! They named an institute after that guy?!

*SPOILER WARNING*

I broke down and did a little research, the tension at the end of episode was too much to take so I did a little digging. My sources may not be accurate but it looks as though DB Woodside survives for at least another half dozen episodes or so. Some sources indicated that he will be incapacitated for at least one episode in which the 25th amendment (24’s favorite amendment?) is enacted putting the VP temporarily in the driver’s seat. Less critical, it also seems Morris will be around for awhile. Karen and Sandra are both set to return very soon - which makes sense given the attempt on her brother’s life. Now, the bad news. I can find no evidence to support Alexander Siddig re-appearing in any future episodes. I truly hope my sources on this are wrong but it seems to be that Palmer’s alive but Assad bought the farm. I guess we’ll find out in 6 days…

Oh, and Carlos Bernand still hasn’t taken any work since his ‘death’…

It occurred to me the other day that having a very limited form of dyslexia could actually be very healthy, mentally.

An odd premise I know but I’ll explain.

When you have dyslexia you lose confidence in your ability to perform simple tasks like copy down a phone number. You’re constantly checking and double and even triple checking things to make sure you didn’t get the order wrong.

Why could this be a good thing?

Well I think in my case, where the dyslexia is very very mild it taught me at a young age not to be overconfident. To allow for the possibility that you might be wrong. To be constantly re-evaluating your opinion of things. To someone with dyslexia it is, I would think, far more common to review and revise your thoughts of someone long after the first impression.

I know what some of you are thinking, I’ve been entrusted with some of the most sensitive election data at all levels of government. I’ve been the primary elections results data entry clerk for an entire riding and I suffer from dyslexia?! Damn straight. And we’re all better for it because while I am ever so slightly more likely to make a mistake, I’m several orders of magnitude more likely to catch not only my mistake but the mistakes of others.

I proof-read my written works more often than the ordinary person and I think they benefit from the process.

Sure, my dyslexia might be a cause for my OCD but that has more often than not been a good thing in the long run both for myself and others.

Dyslexics may not be the best choice for data entry clerks but I bet on the whole we make pretty good leaders, we’re always open to an opposing view and ready to revise our position based on new information or perspective.

Just speak slowly when you give us your phone number.

In today’s world in which most envelopes have been pushed for decades, what words truly remain taboo? I was surprised by how much swearing would occur in front of my girlfriend’s sister and commented about how I intend to have a swear jar in my child’s future but that got me to thinking, how many words would I collect on?

When I was very young my logic got me into trouble, somewhat unfairly. A neighbour had treated me poorly and I sought my mother’s advice in trying to comprehend why. She said “she just likes to bug you“. I found this explanation unsatisfactory and requested clarification.

“So she’s just a bugger then?” I asked.

“What did you say?” my mother inquired.

Thinking perhaps that this was not a real word I attempted to rephrase, “so she just likes to bug people? For no reason? Is that what you’re saying? That’s not much of an answer.”

“Don’t try to make excuses, I heard you the first time” she said, grabbed my hand and took me off for punishment. It wasn’t until after being punished that I figured out what I was being punished FOR. I thought it was maybe for using a disrespectful tone or telling my mom her answer wasn’t satisfactory but it eventually came out that she said I had swore. It took me some time further to deduce which word had been forbidden as the adults weren’t about to repeat the bad word, thinking I was trying to trick them into saying it.

The incident stood out in my mind as it was my first memory of being falsely accused and my first encounter with injustice. I tried to state my case, even days later, but no one would give me a fair hearing.

It was also one of the first times someone overestimated me, every time I brought it up they’d say something like “don’t be a smart aleck” or “I know what you’re doing and it won’t work“. I didn’t have a clue as to what underhanded motives they were ascribing me and with no court of appeal and no one willing to discuss it I was left with a mystery.

Was not a “bugger” defined as “someone who bugs others?” and if not then what DID it mean?

Every time I hear the word I’m reminded of that incident, and I’ve never seen anyone else treat it like a swear word, including when I caught my mom using it a week later!

That was when I discovered hypocrisy and what righteous indignation felt like, although I didn’t know how to describe either beyond “not fair” and I sure as hell wasn’t going to ask!

So bugger’s not on my list.

Ass is a donkey, bitch a female dog, and bastard a child with unmarried parents.

Hmmm. Interesting point, that last one. Can’t very well criminalize a word that could fairly describe the child. Talk about hindering self-expression.

Damn is a curse, not a swear in my books. Jack Bauer says it all the time. Discouraged, but not outlawed.

Hell is a place in the Christian religion.

So that leaves F-bombs and S-bombs and of course the forbidden C-word.

Apparently schools censor things to a far greater degree but I’m told you can’t even use the word gay, regardless of context, in school anymore and I have no intention of following that strict a PC protocol.

So given that there will only be 3 forbidden words I think $1 per word seems fair. Now the question is, what should the jar be saving for?

Apparently a new study by Stats Can shows that Canadians are spending more and more time at work and less with their families. This would seem to support that perhaps I made the right call in not applying for that other job that would have required much more of my time.

I had written one heck of a rant back when everyone was still driving me nuts over the baby thing but before I could post it, I have quite a backlog once again, people seemed to ease up. So I put the rant on a shelf but some folks seem to have misunderstood what I was annoyed about so I think perhaps I should post it anyways. This was much longer in it’s original form but I’ve cut out the parts no longer relevant, basically the part where I attempt to explain my position on the registry…remember this was written a few weeks ago…

You may not know me very well but I’m great at admitting my ignorance so don’t worry, I’ll gladly, happily, gleefully tell you when I don’t know something. Unsolicited information from the assumption that I couldn’t tell the difference between a baby and a vacuum cleaner at 5 meters distant does not make me feel good. Implying that I am a complete idiot, while fun, actually kinda hurts.

How many people in the last month have told me that a baby puts things in it’s mouth? Show of hands please. Did every single last one of you really think I wasn’t aware of that little tidbit? I swear the next person who points that out to me is going to get this in reply: “Really?! You see I thought they perform a litmus test to determine it’s acidity, spray it with Lysol, wrap it in a zip lock bag, throw it out the window and write a term paper on the experience! Thanks for clearing that up!”

I almost want someone to say it.

How about “this baby’s going to change your life you know“? I can’t think of a single person who HASN’T felt the uncontrollable urge to share this pearl of wisdom AT LEAST TWICE. I hate to break it to everyone but I figured that out on my own YEARS ago! I think CNN beat you to that scoop, Geraldo.

I’m sure everyone means well but I’m crying uncle over here - please listen!

Yes, I may have moved 3 days ago but I also work 3 jobs and occasionally sleep. Give me some freaking time to get my crap together before throwing tasks, which I have been explicitly told are not only not my responsibility but my assistance is not welcome on, at me.

The condescension, the expectations, the suggestions that do a great job of implying I can’t get through the day without eating my shirt…they’re beginning to make me physically ill so for the love of God knock it off.

Now I know why not running for the hills is an accomplishment.

I have an idea, let me crumble under the weight of my OWN expectations and demands, I WILL DO THAT WORK FOR YOU. Go back to whatever it is you enjoy doing, I’ll take care of the shoveling of expectations and treating me like an idiot. It’s a service I’m happy to provide. You already do so much, take a break and let me take over.

I’m trying to be polite to everyone so that I don’t completely loose it at any single person as individually you all aren’t that bad but collectively some of you are driving me towards some kind of breakdown…and I don’t breakdown pretty or quiet.

Baby on the way? Kind of exciting. Pregnant girlfriend? Manageable. Moving? Survivable. Everyone’s dumb-ass opinions about everything they think I don’t know or am doing wrong? Hello breaking point!

I swear the next person who grabs a shovel to heap on the pressure I’m going to beat to death with the shovel.

Someone told me they ran into the woods and got lost before their child was born. I may have to murder the next well-intentioned friend or relative who offers me advice - I really thought I had better coping skills.

The ironic thing is my sister is probably the one person who wouldn’t wax idiotic imparting platitudes, clichés, and common sense like they were directions to buried treasure. The problem being I can’t decide whether she’d view my offspring as a demon child or a crime against humanity, Darwin, or mother earth.

You know what I need? Some insensitive prick to hang out with. Jon’s gone soft on me. I need someone who could care less about the whole baby thing and just likes hanging out with me. For selfish reasons preferably.

So I’m on the bus the other day and it’s raining heavily outside which somehow always causes the windows to fog up. The guy sitting in front of me draws a Jesus Fish on the window.

I draw an Evolve Fish on my window.

I figured both arguments deserved to be represented.

Morris
How could Chloe not be suspicious about his ‘walk’? I tell you this guy has range and boy are they giving him some good stuff to play. Some of it may seem a wee bit extreme but he’s dealing with some extreme stuff in a compressed timeframe.

Milo
Me when he got shot: “NOOOO! Screw you 24, don’t let him die!” Good thing I don’t have neighbours yet. Held off three bad guys, not entirely successfully, but he’s bloodied and commendated. So, as I was saying about Milo being the next Tony…

Wayne
There’s one little detail everyone’s forgetting…he used to be a marine.

Jack
“This time, its personal” It’s never been personal! MAYBE when he shot Nina, MAYBE. You know, on any other show that line would be hokey. I’m the same height as him, cool. “Point and shoot”? Okay, it’s a glock but come on. Now that line, that was hokey.

Reed
I’m going on record that he is going to end up with a bullet in his head, forehead preferably.

Marilynn
She is very attractive; I wouldn’t blame Jack if they got together at the end of the day…although god only knows what’s going on with Audrey.

Josh
I half expected him to take out Phillip with the gun his mom had.

Favorite New Characters Thus Far
Assad - Mad love for Our Man Bashir
Morris - Not 100% new but damn entertaining
Milo – Also not completely new. More potential to come, trust me on this, you’ll want to keep an eye out.

Middle Of The Road
Tom – Love to hate? Time will tell
Walid – Interesting but one dimensional really

Not So Much
Nadia – still a poor man’s Michelle, and that’s kind of an insult to Michelle
Sandra – thank god she’s gone, although I doubt we’ll make it through the day without her coming back at some point

So I’m walking back from lunch the other day when out of the corner of my eye I see what looks like an old man running down a hill, slipping, and falling. I turn my head but only see a tree. Taking another step further sure enough there was an old man laying in a puddle of mud. Rushing over I offer my assistance. I have to repeat things a couple of times before getting a response.

“Are you hurt?” I asked.

“Only my pride” he eventually replies.

“Well don’t feel too bad,” I say “I’ve taken a few falls in my day”

I try to help him up but despite a firm grip on my hand he goes completely limp. I’m trying to help him but he’s making me do all the work. Worse than that actually as going limp is the first thing they teach you at protest / civil disobedience school - it makes it much harder for the police to move you.

After my first failed attempt I try to get a hold of Occupational Health & Safety but of course I don’t have their numbers on me so I have to navigate voicemail hell to get the receptionist to connect me. Sure enough neither person I’m trying to reach is there.

The old man pipes up “I need to go to the washroom soon”

Great.

“Okay, I’m going to try and help you up again but you gotta help me a little this time“. He agrees. We get him about a quarter of the way up, making good progress, and he suddenly gives up, goes limp again, and fights me to ease himself back into the puddle of mud.

“I’m over 200 pounds,” he says “you don’t have the leverage to pick me up by yourself”

“That’s why you need to work with me,” I said “we need to do it together”

“I recently had surgery,” he reveals, “so I’m pretty weak”

“But nothing hurts?” I ask again.

“No, but I’m a little uncomfortable,” he says, “I landed on my cane”

I roll him over to get his cane out from under him and he unceremoniously snatches it out of my hand.

I call switchboard back and try the direct approach, “can I get first aid assistance” and I give her my location. She’s new so she doesn’t know where I am so I have her write it down and tell her to repeat it verbatim to first aid.

Hanging up I turn back to the old man to discover him trying to get up on his own. I walk over and say “if you’re not going to wait for first aid at least let me help you. Now you need to put the same effort into it as if I weren’t helping you and you have to let me know if anything begins to hurt“. He agrees so I dig my heels in to the mud, and pull with everything I’ve got. We get him three-quarters of the way up and he suddenly lets go and eases himself all the way into the mud again.

Now almost as muddy as he I give up and just keep an eye out for first aid. As we’re waiting he says “they don’t give an <expletive deleted> about me“.

“Hey, I didn’t have to help you, you know. I could’ve just pretended I didn’t see you and kept walking. I’d be back at my office, warm, dry, and not covered in mud right now. You don’t know how far away first aid was when they got my message or if they were already responding to a call,” I said curtly “so I’d stop bad-mouthing the only people bothering to help you, particularly the ones trained to deal with stuff like this that you haven’t even met yet. Now why don’t you save some time and answer some questions first aid will want to know when they get here”

He had enough time to tell me he was 77 and what city he lives in before 2 first aid teams arrived.

Rather than have both teams end up as muddy as I was I stayed long enough to help them get him to a bench. Then I went back to my trailer and spent over an hour cleaning up.

I felt good about helping him, ineffectual as I was by myself, but telling a 77 year old man wallowing in a puddle of mud to mind his manners was definitely the oddest moment of the week for me.

“Well an old man said to me, in a voice filled with pain, where you goin’ young man…“

The first thing I was able to make and consume in my new place was hot chocolate. I’ve had it somewhat frequently ever since, it even seemed to help me get to sleep the other night. Perhaps as certain old traditions are abandoned out of necessity, new ones will arise to take their place.

Hopefully they’ll bring chocolate.

A few days ago, around about the time my plans for the gift registry were blowing up in my face I came home from work to see something odd on my head. A white hair. At first I thought it was cat fur, just really long inexplicable cat fur. Although I hadn’t pet a cat in days and certainly not a white one. Then I noticed it was more grey than white and it was attached to my head. Front row centre I can say with complete assuredness that it was NOT grey 9 hours earlier.

I know little about grey hair but the sudden and drastic pigmentation change/loss was quite striking. Oddly enough after years of watching the cowardly and nearly-french incompetent military defense my hairline was effecting against my invading forehead, which is to say a constant war of attrition with sporadic retreats, I found this development more amusing than anything else.

No wonder people think grey hair is stress-related.

God, I’m a walking cliché.

I’ll be honest with you, I thought she was attractive. But honestly, I really don’t care about the circumstances of her passing.

That is all.

On my way home from the BNL I decide to save some time by walking up the ally behind my place as I have a rear entrance. As I near my place I see some movement down low. As I look more carefully I see what looks like a black cat.

“Hi Kitty” I say and it stops and turns. I notice it was two white stripes going down either side.

“Well aren’t you an oddly coloured kitty” I say. Then I notice it’s very large tail.

“Oh <expletive deleted>, you’re not a kitty at all” I say, “look, I’m not gonna bother you, you’re not gonna bother me, okay?”

It looks at me, terrified.

“No!” I try to say gently “no need to be afraid, everything’s fine. That’s a good not-kitty”

I inch towards my place, the gate won’t close behind me so I make a dash for safety.

So the first thing we need to teach the kid before letting it play out back is don’t pet the black and white kitty.

And that’s The Wørd.

The correct end to that quote is “I am therefore going anyways” but not this time. After careful consideration I have decided NOT to apply for the new job mentioned some time ago.

My reasons are many and varied.

Having moved just recently, a kid on the way, and the prospect of living with someone for the first time on the near horizon I think any stability and familiar touchstones I can hold on to should greatly assist my sanity.

My current job(s) by and large offer great flexibility which will no doubt be invaluable once the little one arrives. Plus I think learning a new job with longer hours in a stricter and unfamiliar environment with a company I have no great love for will not mesh well with all the tales of sleepless nights and stress that have recently been shared with me.

But ultimately what it came down to was I am not prepared to walk away from a company that I have poured my heart, blood, sweat, and tears into for 11 years. Since I was 16 the fair has been an important part of my life. We’re talking over 40% of my life here.

I have faith that, as always, the fair will provide.

Overall
A running theme in the first hour seems to be things happening out of view such as the reporting of McCarthy’s body and the beating of Morris. They let me keep Morris; if the price is Wayne or Assad then it’s too damn high.

Morris
He’s such a hero. Says exactly the right things. YES!!! He’s alive! Thank you 24! I would have been VERY upset if you’d offed him. Not Tony Almeida upset, but upset. I still have difficulty believing Morris actually made the device do what Fayed wanted. My money was on a false display. Morris, hacker, programmer, lady’s man, and moralist extraordinaire wouldn’t let those hack-less techno weenies get off without being fooled. I thought at worst he somehow set it for low yield (faulty) detonation shortly after reprogramming so that he could take out some terrorists on his terms, not just innocents on theirs. It would have explained his reaction at seeing the bomb…but now it has to become about making it right. Please? Yes as a fan of Morris I wish he’d pulled a fast one but dramatically this is more interesting.

Milo
I could see him replacing Chloe…I’m not saying that’s what I’d like to see but she HAS been around for a few seasons…I’m just saying…You know 24 is probably one of few shows where you don’t take anyone’s word for anything. Milo said Chloe was screwing up but I wasn’t completely convinced until she admitted it. Of course this from a guy who secretly hopes Tony Almeida is still alive. I can picture it now “come on JACK, how many times have you faked YOUR death?” Milo leaving CTU? Alright, taking bets: Milo kicks ass, Milo gets killed. Place your bets. I hope its kicking ass even though Chloe did that in Season 4. Jack’ll be all like “I need back up and you’re it” and poof! Tony Almeida Mark II.

Wayne
YES!!! This is Wayne with the gloves off, exactly what I was talking about! Christmas is coming early this year! He’s taking a slightly harder stance with Assad than seems necessary but man is it a thing to watch. Up until now Wayne from Season 3 and even 5 made this Wayne look like a pale shadow of his former self but now Wayne has reached new dramatic heights.

Jack
I was surprised as he to discover what Morris had done.

Bill
And yet still this very simple but noble character shines. There’s nothing to him that would work in a pitch session, nothing to say to describe his character beyond his appearance, his job, and his honour but he totally works. They don’t all have to have flaws or be complicated…Of course the second episode begins to cast doubt on Bill’s innocence in the matter Lennox brought up.

Ah, One Of The Little People
Admiral Nechayev reduced to a nurse? I guess maybe she was a doctor. Still owned. Frankly I’m surprised her role had enough lines to warrant her name being in the opening credits, I know you can say up to three lines and still be classified as an extra. A slightly higher paid extra but nevertheless…That’s what you get for being a cow to both Picard and Sisko.

Reid
I thought it would be harder to hate someone who reminds me of Mark Hamil, my mistake. Are they talking about removing Wayne or killing him? I could see Assad taking a bullet for the president…or stopping the assassination but being taken down by Secret Service who are already jumpy around him and would assume the wrong thing.

I would like to nominate Burton for Man Of The Year even though it’s only a month into the year.

This is just a nomination, not the award itself as the year is still young but given his saint-like patience, Herculean efforts, and uncomplaining adaptability over the recent move his nomination is definitely a contender.

Where would I be without this kid?

Had a pretty odd dream last night. I somehow ended up at my old high school but it was more like the movie Toys, with rolling green hills and such.

I stumbled into a drama rehearsal of some sort being coached by Phil Lamarr (MadTV, Family Guy, Free Enterprise). Apparently the improv team had won some kind of contest with Z95 that they got red sweatshirts and a famous coach. Realizing that my time had passed I headed home.

Along the way I was stopped by an unattractive student who asked me out. It was so pathetic I didn’t have the heart to say no.

Then I woke up with an intense feeling that my life was too structured.

So where’s the couch, Freud?

I ran into a coworker at a game the other day, he had had a few but was generally lucid, and he took me aside and at one point said, “your talents are being wasted in your current position“. Not really sure how to respond I mentioned the new position with a different company I had been considering but he reacted strongly against that saying I should stay with the same company but move back into Operations.

It was certainly flattering to hear his high estimation of my abilities and yet at the same time mildly disconcerting to hear his frank evaluation of my current post. It was somewhat ironic as he had begun the conversation by thanking me profusely for the new jackets I managed to acquire for Ops.

So what if I’m not being pushed or challenged every day I work? There are days like that but many days that aren’t hard at all. Even my former boss admitted I usually gave 150% about 110% of the time in my former position. After 9 years of that, haven’t I earned something a little less draining? I still face challenges and put my creative problem solving to use, just not all the time.

My years in Ops were great but being underpaid and undervalued while fighting to keep your fingers in the dam to keep the pits of hell from overrunning your home isn’t anyone’s idea of ideal working conditions. Is a return to Ops in my future? Quite possibly. After all the day I left I set and made clear my conditions for returning. I wouldn’t call them demands exactly but whatever you call them, they haven’t been met yet.

So are my talents being wasted or am I just taking a higher-paid breather? There are battles yet to be fought in this new land, I see no reason to turn my back on it just yet.

Cleaning out literally boxes of old stuff in preparation for the move I stumbled upon some rather interesting artifacts of times past. Some conclusions from this window into the past…

Eleana wrote a lot of letters, Dawna was very beautiful when she wanted to be, Jenny was so not my type, Laura didn’t share much of herself, Pam was very down to earth. Jon picked great cards. Burton actually looks better with less hair. Aleta had a very polished look in high school.

Sure I COULD share some of the thoughts about myself but most of those aren’t very positive - I did deem most of the stuff garbage or recycling after all. Turns out the stuff I was proud of was far outweighed by the negative. Probably why I hadn’t seen some of that stuff since high school.

Given that the baby registry seems to have become FUBAR, a subject you can expect multiple lengthy blog entries regarding in the near future, I decided to create a registry of some things I could really use right about now. This list is far from complete. In alphabetical order…

-Acknowledgment that there is more to my life than just the baby (2)
-Compliment (1)
-Condescension Protection (several)
-Confidence (several)
-Faith (1)
-Free Time (several)
-Friend (several)
-Get Out Of Advice Free card (several)
-Patience (several)
-Respect (several)
-Shelf to store egos (several)
-Stress Ball (1)
-Stuffed Crust Pizza with REAL cheese (2)
-Targets for Stress ball (0)
-Unsolicited Advice Defense Field (1)
-Wits (3)

Disclaimer: All of the above is likely to be nigh impossible to find, except the stress ball and to be honest I don’t really want one of those.

In preparation for filing taxes I was taking stock of my finances. One noteworthy figure that stood out was the fact that I’ve made a little over $800 in interest on my RRSP since 2003. I’m currently earning something in the neighbourhood of $60 per month in interest. All that for doing absolutely nothing beyond sitting on my rear, talking to my mom, tapping a few keys, and exercising some fiscal responsibility.

Is it odd that I take great joy and pride in watching that number grow?

Overall
A pretty powerful episode dramatically, particularly for Wayne at the beginning and near the end and Jack around the mid point.

Tom
I was wrong, he’s much worse than Rayburn, a bit like Stanton but more of a coward I think. I want to see him and Mike in a knock-down drag-out fight. Mike would win it handily despite his advanced age. Why? He’d want it more. Come on 24, a fist fight between administrators? That’d be original. Let’s break that mold one more time. I will say this; I like Tom’s historical references.

Karen
Why is she so tight-lipped? Just stupid? Is there more to the story? Maybe she resigned not for the reason Tom found but for something else in her past not far beneath what he DID dig up.

Morris
Still getting along with Milo! I called it! So odd that he was working on his own picture but I have to say I kinda suspected it. You’d THINK when someone says “this can’t be right” when they get that kind of news it’s just cognitive dissonance doing it’s job but in this case there may be very good reasons. Maybe he hated Valencia, lives very far away from it, or doesn’t have a car…One good thing about this whole mess is we get to see some of Rota’s dramatic range, I think there’s a lot of potential there. While I really hope he doesn’t get killed off I look forward to him getting some meatier stuff. Poor Morris.

Milo
An image file? So the phones and computers were both somehow linked on the same transmission? I realize that given all the time jumps between seasons we’re well into the future but that doesn’t even make sense, why would we need that ability?

Sandra
They finally gave her something a little different to play, I can’t say I was overly impressed.

Graem
I WOULD ask how many times Jack is going to have to interrogate his brother but, well, I guess we all know the answer now. He admits to being complicit in a presidential assassination conspiracy that succeeded and expects to only serve a short jail term…even if Phillip was connected with the Vice President and the VP ascends to office he couldn’t very well issue a presidential pardon for a presidential assassin could he? There’d be riots in the streets.

Darren
Do Americans know what a CV is?

Phillip
“It’s all for you” hello cliché. When he asked to speak to his son I was like “uh, he’s on a chopper” then I realized he meant the other son. I had a feeling this was all an act. “I need a few minutes”? When does Jack ever turn his back on someone who says that? So those guys that were allegedly going to kill him and Jack were they the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of this operation or were they packing blanks and squibs? I get the feeling this has nothing to do with the family company; this is much more than just another McClellan Forrester. Man the Bauer family’s messed up.

Cloe
Jack order his backup teams who don’t know him and therefore have no reason to trust him to go dark? He’s a persuasive guy but he’s not a mind control expert.

Wayne
You know, I can’t help but think that with Assad on his way to DC, it makes the OC a primary target. I know, I know, it’d be virtually impossible to take out, but 24 has done the impossible before. He spends much of the episode looking like he’s ready to cry, I’m undecided on whether that’s effective or irritating – will advise. He’s one heck of a smart cookie though; I still think he could drop the gloves a bit more. Standing your ground is good, kicking the people working against you in the junk is better.

Jack
When his dad says “I’m really sorry” when they’re tied up in the van Jack gives him one of the best you-gotta-be-kidding me looks. How does he know who Burke is?

Rita
I don’t trust people with LV wallets. Always seems to be an indication of someone with backwards priorities. I mean, they’re not very nice looking, they’re just about having a name or a status symbol that someone somewhere arbitrarily decided was fashionable. This goes double for those white ones with the multiple colour logos. She turns out to be a deceptively helpful accomplice.

Marilyn
I don’t trust her. Maybe it’s those cold blue eyes that show no emotion, maybe it’s just that she’s too attractive to be with her husband but I think she’s involved.

Josh
He’s about the only Bauer other than Jack I DO trust…not many left to choose from though.

Burke
I like this guy, he hardly seems like the right person to be in charge of interrogations though.

Noah
Why do all the Vice Presidents end up being, or at least seeming, evil at some point?

TWO HOURS next week? TWO?! *claps* Assad’s back! Wheeee!

I showed my old apartment to 3 people before I moved…

The Pregnant Lady

She asked if there were drugs in the building, I said I suspected there were but did not know for certain. She replied with “well this place would work really well for just one person“. Looking at her belly I assumed that was her way of saying it wouldn’t do but then she said she likes it and would contact the landlord about getting him the security deposit ASAP. She called him I later found out but never came up with the money.

The Meditator

Our second candidate was a tall dark fellow who was very soft spoken. He pointedly looked at the mouse traps that were clearly visible as he asked about the other tenants. I told him they were loud, obnoxious, dangerous to be around, criminals, and a primary reason I was moving. He responded by saying that could be a problem as he likes to meditate and live a quiet existence. But in the end he too said he was very interested and would contact the landlord to secure the place with a deposit. He too could not come up with the money.

The Technophile

Within seconds of entering the apartment he took one look at my cable modem and said “oh, you have the blade” and he proceeded to rattle off it’s model number and express his amazement that I actually paid for a legal high-speed Internet connection. He was the most friendly of the bunch really, making me feel good when he said that moving to my new place was “definitely an upgrade“. Apparently he’s trying to get an Internet startup together, specifically a website. He seemed a little sketchy on the details though, something about a place to share stories. He seemed to have it together though, I commented on how the cheap rent allowed me to put some money away and he said “that’s the name of the game my friend, that’s what it’s all about“. He was the person who eventually got the place but my landlord tells me his deposit came from some kind of income assistance.

Three walking contradictions all looking to fill my place, all very eager for the ‘opportunity’ I had (I use that word loosely as it came with it’s costs and drawbacks) but I think the fellow who got it in the end was the most similar to myself and would know what to do with the place. “Dirt is temporary” he said. I hope he feels the same way about mold.

I’ve been somewhat lucky in the response to the baby situation thus far but it seems that now that I’ve moved my luck has run out. The accusations have started to come in regarding my preparedness, communication, and the subtle hints of people questioning my parenting abilities. Earlier today I cried uncle and the response was “it’s only going to get worse“. And here I had thought I was doing well.

I had the new place secured, even the new bed seems pretty much picked out, names figured out, a volunteer army of babysitters, 2 people ready to back me up if I faint during the delivery, a pretty solid financial plan in mind, donations of free second-hand baby stuff lined up, and registries ready to be populated but it seems my preparedness and communication has been weighed and found lacking for 72 days before the due date.

It seems certain people disagree with my approach. It seems I should have bought tons of baby stuff BEFORE having a place to store it or know what exactly I was getting at no cost and simultaneously register for other stuff too. Now my admittedly inexperienced eye sees the outcome of that approach resulting in us have 3 or more of some things and none of others largely without organization and outside of our control. What good would 3 cribs that don’t fit in our place be if we don’t have a carseat to bring the kid home?

Others also seem to think when I lost 2 and a half days that I had set aside for packing that I should have spent that time sending e-mails and chatting on the phone rather than the rapid packing that was required.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all the offers of support. Some of the judgment I could do without. Yes, maybe you did have everything bought in the first month of the pregnancy but you didn’t have to move like we do. Again, I don’t want to come off as ungrateful but I’d really appreciate it if everyone could respect our right to do things in our own way. In the order that makes sense for us. Please accept that our circumstance might be just a little different than whatever yours may have been.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before I’d be wishing for the days when not running for the hills was enough to be considered not letting the side down.

So if you find yourself about to say something that could easily end with “…and that’s why you’re not ready” or “…and that’s the difference between you and a REAL parent” I’d rather not hear what would come before it because I’ve heard both since I moved 3 days ago and I have to say, they don’t help. It might make you feel good in your superior experience to put me down but don’t delude yourself into thinking that pointing out my perceived flaws is in some way helping. Maybe you’re completely right and I do have all that and more coming for getting into this situation but I’m doing the best I can, I don’t see how added pressure and condescension can in anyway help my unborn child.

I really don’t mean to be a dick here but the alternative seems to be a substantial freak out, I believe asserting myself is a better approach. Your goodwill towards me may have run out and if I spent it poorly I apologize but please believe when I say there’s already enough pressure and guilt to spread around, we’ve got that in spades. Yes, there are some things I could have done better and wish I had, will you take my word for it?

The time to help was when I needed boxes moved, not critiquing where and how I did that after the fact.

I realize, and sincerely hope, that most of this little rant doesn’t apply to most people but if it does and you want to help in a substantial way there is another move on the horizon, I’ll let you know when the details are figured out.

Thanks for reading and please don’t judge me too harshly in my frustration.

So I’m leaving my trailer for lunch one day when as locking the door I hear a very loud ruckus. I look up to discover hundreds if not thousands of crows arriving on the tree above me. Quickly locking the door and slowly walking away, fearing do-do dive-bombing, I watched them for a moment and noticed they were all on one tree when several identical trees were right beside it.

I also couldn’t help but notice the cawing, almost every crow seemed to have something to say. The din reminded me of only one analogy in human society: Politics.

The crows were having themselves an election.

Then I noticed a couple crows would caw at each new arrival: Voter Registration.

After a while some crows began to leave, even as others arrived. A different set of crows would caw at them on the way out: Exit Polls.

As I ate my lunch I wondered at the strength of the Green Party in crow politics and what kind of campaign promises would be made. More domestic food sources to end their dependency on foreign mini-donuts? Fighting the squirrels over there so you don’t have to fight them over here? Nest subsidies?

When I returned from lunch there wasn’t a crow to be seen. They may be louder, but their elections are definitely more efficient, cleaner, and more eco-friendly. There’s something to be learned from these crows who elect a leader in a lunch break.

Then I heard a cawing. There were two crows still on the tree that I hadn’t noticed, still cawing away.

Someone always wants a recount.