Grazing Rites

I’ve done my research and come to the indisputable conclusion that it is time for an entire race to be eliminated. A group that has frankly added nothing of substance to the world, that holds the rest of the superior races back. I’ve held my tongue for fear of what people would think of me but I’m tired of keeping my true feelings hidden, it is long past time that we begin the cleansing.

I have identified an inferior species that serves no useful purpose and as far as I can tell can be eliminated without consequence.

That’s right, I’m talking about fleas.

You see I’ve recently become an expert on the little buggers as I had a bit of an infestation due to a friend who had an outdoor cat coming to visit. It seems like the worst of it has passed but that does not negate my point.

In the food chain fleas are non-symbiotic parasites which means they do not kill anything nor do they serve a useful purpose in feeding, they do not remove toxins or help keep another species population in check for example. As well their only natural predators are beetles and ants who themselves have an ample food supply. They could completely disappear from the ecosystem and no one would notice.

They’ve done quite well for themselves really, evolving into a creature that is rather difficult to kill. You either need to crush it between your nails (the only part of your body hard enough to break their shells), drown them, or use a pesticide of some kind. Not only that but they can go an entire year without feeding and even most pesticides don’t kill their eggs. So I reluctantly tip my hat to their natural selection accomplishments, now let’s give them their walking papers.

What about bio-diversity? Don’t we have enough species being killed off? What if they serve an as-yet-undiscovered purpose?

I’m willing to risk it.

As a compromise we can perhaps preserve a small colony of fleas, a museum of an extinct species as it were. Or we can cryogenically freeze a pair, store a DNA sample, or just map their DNA if we need them in the future, say to defeat some aliens in a War Of The Worlds type scenario. Other than that, I say let the eradication begin.

I suggest we begin quietly, so the flea armies don’t mobilize. Pick an arbitrary country to test our methods, say Poland. They’re as good a place as any. Then once we’ve cleansed Poland we have a quick attack on the fleas bases, armies, and civilian populations in several European countries at once. After this ‘blitz’ secures those areas we can begin constructing facilities in which we can exterminate the fleas away from other species that might be effected by the biological weapons we’ll need to employ. We can euphemistically refer to these places as ‘camps’ to maintain a positive public relations campaign. Once Europe is secure we can advance on Africa and North America and eventually purge the entire planet of the menace!

What?

This entry was posted on October 16, 2006 at 12:23 am and is filed under Environment. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.