Grazing Rites

What follows is what I think is an actual reply to my message. While it makes some good points it still seems to distill down to ‘things aren’t working so let’s give up’…

Thank you for your comments on Canada’s military mission in Afghanistan.
I welcome the opportunity to explain further the federal NDP’s position
on Canada’s role in Afghanistan.http://www.ndp.ca/page/3620)http://www.senliscouncil.net/modules/publications/014_publication)http://tinyurl.com/g372b);
(http://www.ndp.ca/page/4308)http://www.ndp.ca/page/4330)http://www.ndp.ca or
subscribe to our e-mail bulletin, e-NDP, at subscribe@ndp.ca.

We believe that Canadians deserve a full explanation about why we’ve
committed to our largest military deployment in 50 years. However,
Harper’s Conservatives have failed time and again to answer the tough
questions that current Minister of Defence O’Connor himself asked the
previous Liberal government. (

The NDP fully supports sending our brave men and women of the armed
forces on missions that have clear goals and a specific plan on what our
soldiers need to do to achieve victory. The truth is that the mission in
Afghanistan has neither. The bottom line is that the NDP supports our
troops but we want to make sure that this mission is worthy of their
dedication and sacrifice.

Our policy calls on Prime Minister Harper to begin “the safe and
immediate withdrawal of Canadian troops from Afghanistan” and “support
the continuation of development assistance to Afghanistan and democratic
peace building.”

Since 2001, military efforts in Afghanistan have failed to bring peace,
reduce poverty, stop heroin production, or help reconstruct Afghanistan.
NATO was supposed to secure some areas of the country, where
institutions could be strengthened and development projects executed,
and therefore help the Afghan government deliver stability to its
citizens. The sad truth is that both U.S. and NATO military efforts have
failed to deliver peace and prosperity to the most vulnerable of
Afghans: women and children.
(

1,600 Afghans have died in the last four months alone. We believe that
democracy building is what the Afghan people want, not more violence and
instability.

Malalai Joya, a female parliamentarian in the Afghan National Assembly,
told the 2006 NDP Convention that: “The situation in Afghanistan and
conditions of its ill-fated women will never change positively, as long
as the warlords are not disarmed and both the pro-US and anti-US
terrorists are removed from the political scene of Afghanistan.”

Earlier this week, Captain Leo Docherty, a former aide-de-camp to the
commander of British forces in Helmand Province, said the NATO-led
mission had been “grotesquely clumsy” and “sucked [NATO] into a problem
unsolvable by military means.” (

More and more voices have called for a change in tactics, but Prime
Minister Harper chooses to ignore those “on the ground”.
(

Our troops deserve to know what we are asking of them, families deserve
to know what their sons and daughters will be called upon to sacrifice.
The NDP resolution on Afghanistan reflects our respect for our troops in
that Canada should not commit our soldiers without the certainty that
their valiant efforts are part of a carefully constructed and balanced
mission that holds real prospects of making the world a safer place.

Again, I appreciate the time you have taken to register your views.

Sincerely,

Jack Layton, MP (Toronto-Danforth)
Leader, New Democratic Party of Canada

To catch up on recent news and issues, please visit

I was checking the official website for the upcoming Star Trek games when I noticed a new option to buy Encounters and Tactical Assault. Bouncing with excitement I clicked, grabbed my credit card, and started filling out the online forms. I decided to hold off on Tactical Assault as I don’t yet have a DS but when I saw Encounters at $19.99 I jumped on it thinking it too good to be true.

I should have trusted my instincts. Shipping would have been $21.99, more than doubling the cost. Shaking my head I canceled the order and headed over to EB’s website for a second opinion. Again the game was listed at $19.99 and this time shipping was only $14.99.

For $15-$22 USD I think I can make a trip to the mall when it comes out.

I can’t wait for January. While I thought last season was somewhat lackluster compared to seasons 2 and 4, Day 6 looks like it’s going kick that sour frog right in the ass. Here’s some reasons why..

* SPOILER ALERT *

Milo from Day 1 is back!

Alexander Siddig will be in it. I was kind of hoping he’d be a good guy as that would be less stereotypical and more importantly they tend to live longer but it seems he’s set to be a bad guy…but with 24 you never really know. I went to see Syrianna just because he was in it…he still owes me for that.

DB Woodside will be the president. I’m somewhat concerned about them making it believable but I’m really looking forward to seeing his performance. I guess if he was a senior policy adviser and a marine he’s got the qualifications…maybe a parallel between him and Bobby Kennedy…you know, had he lived.

James Cromwell as Jack Bauer’s dad. If I have to say more than that you need to have your mental health re-assessed.

Rumours have been contradictory regarding the time frame though. Initial reports said it’s 2 months into Jack’s incarceration but how can you have a new president from an opposition party in 2 months? Other reports say it’s 20 months after Day 5. So either it took 18 months to get Jack to China or someone is lying…or perhaps confused with the DVD prequel.

An episode of Enterprise has proven a wealth of helpful quotes to help explain what I’m thinking and feeling so I sat down and watched the episode on DVD to make sure I got the quotes correct…

Phlox: “Surprises, Sub-commander. I believe in embracing surprises.”
T’pol: “I prefer to embrace logic.”

At first glance Phlox’s line is appropriately Zen to his character and T’pol response is formulaic, like a Klingon saying ‘I prefer to embrace honour’ but upon further reflection there does seem to be an inherent conflict between accepting whatever happens and being a discerning logical person. On to the next scene…

Reed: “When I was young I always wanted to build a time machine, see the future.”
Trip: “You’re probably the kind of person that jumps to the end of the book before you read it”
Reed: “Don’t tell me you never wondered what it’d be like, how our mission will turn out.”
Trip: “Well wondering about the future and knowing it are two different things.”
Reed: “If Daniels came here and offered you a chance to go to the 31st century, you wouldn’t take it?”
Trip: “Some things are better left a mystery.”
Reed: “And you call yourself an explorer.”
Trip: “Where’s the fun in exploring if you know how it all turns out? Suppose you could look into some future book and find out the name of the girl you’re going to marry. Would you wanna know it?”
Reed: “Absolutely. Think of all the awkward first dates I could avoid.”
Trip: “Fine. So one day you meet Jane Doe, you go out a few times, and you pop the question, she says ‘I do’ and the two of you live happily ever after.”
Reed: “Sounds perfect.”
Trip: “Now, did you marry her for love or because some book told you to?”
Reed: “Well if we’re ‘happily ever after’ what difference does it make?”

I think most of us can see ourselves playing the role of either Trip or Reed, perhaps at different points in our lives but the questions still remain: Does it mean less when you take the easier route? Is a goal artifically achieved meaningful? Can you construct a feeling?

Do the ends justify the means or do the means sanctify the ends?

In each case there are two opposing viewpoints on the future - I think I would have to agree with Trip. The Phlox/T’pol debate is a little less clear-cut for me.

If you’ve found yourself wondering these questions with no clear answers in sight, take heart for I firmly believe you’re at least asking the right questions. Any philosopher will tell you the goal of dialogue is not to find answers but to find better questions. Any political scientist will tell you posing the question of what makes a better life elevates us all. So maybe I don’t have all (or even any) of the answers, but I’d like to think I’ve got me some good questions.

“You still got a life, Jack. You want to be a real hero, here’s what you do: you get back down there and you put the pieces together. You find a way to forgive yourself for what happened to your wife, you make things right with your daughter, and you go on serving your country. That’d take some real guts.”

I guess there was a reason he was my favorite character.

Given the mind-boggling odds against this pregnancy some people have been citing divine intervention as a cause, I prefer to remain within the realm of logic…

I think the CIA caused the pregnancy because I was putting too many pieces of the puzzle together.

And the firsts begin…

Burton: “I gotta take you out for margaritas…and this time you’re getting doubles”

Me: “Yea, I’m drinking for two now!“

Bought my tickets today!

THIRD ROW BALCONY!!!

“If someone cried
You’d sympathize
It’s just a boy or a girl
It’s not the end of the world
It’s not the end”
-Pet Shop Boys

A blog is a really horrible place to hear about something like this and if that’s the case I sincerely apologize. The irony that is my life knowing no bounds of course this would have to happen during the busiest time of my year so I can either pretend nothing’s happening until I speak to everyone personally or I can share my situation with you here.

Gonna be a dad.

“I feel like my brain is splintering in all directions. Like I’m having trouble focusing. There’s a dozen reactions all warring, one with the other, and I don’t know which one to give emphasis to” -Peter David ‘After The Fall’

Ever since February I’ve been convinced I pass by a bait car every day on my way to work. I’ve seen the windows rolled down, the doors unlocked, the doors open, and the stereo hanging out of the dash. One time it was even left running with no one around.

Is it perhaps just too easy a target?

Or perhaps I’m wrong. The house it’s usually parked in front of is strange in it’s own right. For example during the hottest and driest 2 months of the summer the front yard was perpetually flooded with a steady stream of water traveling at least 2 blocks distant.

I don’t understand why I keep encountering these strange buildings.

When you tell people you work for the fair they often bombard you with their assumptions…

“So you’re a sweeper”

“What ride do you operate?”

“Must be nice to get free tickets”

“Do they ever call you up and say ‘hey, we need someone to ride the coaster for 20 minutes straight’?”

Oh wait, those last two actually happen. I think I doth protest too much.

I love my job.

Much like an awkward conversation with extended family at a German restaurant turning to the topic of world war history I recently found myself discussing religion and philosophy at the Dalai Lama’s recent appearance. I found myself working at a gate with a fascinating fellow named Stephen who seemed to know just about everything about religion and philosophy and held his own in the realm of political theory, the only topic of conversation he appeared lacking in was Europe. Suffice to say it was one of the most intellectually stimulating conversations I’ve had in quite some time.

For example I discovered I’m agnostic. It turns out I had an oversimplified definition of the word, I thought it essentially boiled down to ‘undecided’ but it turns out the proper definition matches my beliefs almost perfectly.

What are my beliefs? Let’s look at it like a philosophical theory.

Assume there is a higher being be it God, Allah, Adam Smith, whoever. Now if this supreme being or beings oversaw your afterlife then your relationship with this being should be the most important thing because nothing in your life can measure up to eternity.

Still with me?

Alright. So God and your relationship with Him or Her is the most important thing in your life. Why would I let someone else tell me how to conduct those affairs?

What’s more, who am I to pick the correct religion or God? I’m not smart enough.

Where does that leave me?

Well the way I look at it I know right from wrong and the benefits and inherent goodness in choosing compassion over selfishness so I’ll just plan to be the best person I know how to be and surely no deity will find fault with that. Assuming I don’t getting smote for drinking caffeine or eating pig.

The proper definition of agnostic, according to Stephen, is “someone who does not believe that they can know God“. It acknowledges that there is a greater power but it’s not possible to know it beyond maybe observing and appreciating it’s effects.

He also had this great metaphor for the catholic church. Basically it’s a football metaphor but I won’t hold that against it. It goes that God gave Jesus the football. When Jesus was tackled by the Romans (ie on the cross) he tossed the football to Paul who in turn ran with it for awhile and eventually passed it on. The pope currently has the ball.

So I guess then the question is was the football always passed intentionally or was there some tackling or fumbling involved? Or did someone switch balls?

Also at the event a security guy, a Buddhist, was touched, literally, by the Dalai Lama. It had quite a profound impact on him and when talking to him afterwards I realized I had nothing I could relate that to.

While I am pleased at the understanding I’ve received this year regarding the peculiarities of my job it seems there’s still some explanation to be meted out. So by way of example I present the following two tales…

My Boss
The other day my boss was telling me about how her boyfriend called during fair, being a little needy because they hadn’t talked much lately as often happens at that time of year. The thing was she was eating with the senior management group including the CEO when he called. Us fair employees being the paragons of virtue that we are, naturally they were all listening in to the call.

She told him that she couldn’t talk right now but she could text him as she has a blackberry. She could not make him understand why she could chat by text but not verbally.

Not to sound sexist but I had thought only women had trouble grasping the unique situations fair puts us into. Suffice to say it’s nice to have another person around who knows what that’s like. My previous boss’s husband owns a rodeo and used to work for the fair so it was well understood in her household that she disappears for awhile in the summer and it’s no reflection on them.

The New Guy
A new Guest Services attendant was returning his uniform the other day as I conversationally asked “how was your fair?” and he said “I’m not sure“. I asked how his appraisal went and he said it was fine but he thought there were a few situations he could have handled better.

I took this young man aside and said “it’s your first year, no one expects you to be perfect and the fact is there are no perfect answers to people’s complaints. If you did your best and tried to help then you did fine. As long as you didn’t make any situations worse then you were part of the solution and you should be proud of that“  he nodded.

“Look at it this way,” I said, “you survived your first fair without getting fired or doing serial killings, you did fine“.

* * *

“Reasonable?! I’m a raving bloody lunatic! If I wasn’t cooking I’d be out doing serial killing! You look at me, you see a personality problem under a silly white hat! Don’t talk to me about reasonable, I don’t do reasonable!” -Chef ‘Personnel’

Fair will mess you up. Physically, I mean. If you don’t have good shoes expect blisters. You will, depending on position, experience rapid weight loss or gain. This year a lightened workload and no free food (!) resulted in significant weight gain.

Last year I stayed reasonably trim with a diet of a danish or waffle with juice or milk for breakfast, a salad and roast beef sandwich for lunch and a sensible dinner such as perogies topped off with a nanaimo bar for dessert. This year I had 2 eggs, sausage, toast, and perogies with pop for breakfast, BBQ chicken for lunch and donair for dinner with a chocolate bar for dessert.

Suffice to say I was rounder, heavier, and pretty icky-feeling by the end of it. I figured it would take some time before I felt human again but then I made my first triumphant return to Subway. Within an hour of having my regular meal I felt my body re-asserting itself.

It was as if I could feel the ‘ruffage’, as my mom would call it, cleaning my intestines of all the fatty high cholesterol crap I had consumed all fair. One visit to the stink lodge later I felt 75% better and about 25% lighter.

I recently stated that, as a given, Afghanistan is not Iraq; however the more I see and hear on the subject the more I wonder if it’s NOT a given. So I set myself the task of explaining in very simple terms what the differences are.

A terror group supported by Afghanistan attacked an ally, our continent, our citizens, and human beings. I think each of these is cause for outrage and response. Iraq invaded Kuwait over tens years ago and already felt the repercussions in the war Desert Storm.

23 Canadians were killed on Sept. 11th, an ally was savagely assaulted, our continent attacked, and human beings killed. Of all those crimes the only one in which Iraq has perpetrated is killing human beings. So in this admittedly simplified examination they are only alike in one out of four ways. Only 25% similar if you want to put a number to it. The point is they are more dissimilar than alike so how can they be the same?.

Admittedly I don’t know if Kuwait qualifies as an ally but I think the point still stands given that this is a different war.

We even have different goals. In Iraq the US was out to oust Saddam and spread democracy - if it weren’t for the issues surrounding the UN weapons inspections it would be a clear-cut case of a war of aggression for gain. In Afghanistan we were retaliating in self defense after being attacked.

And beyond all that, they’re different countries. Assuming all nations in a region are the same is like claiming Canada is the 51st state. In an effort to blindly distinguish ourselves from Americans we’re adopting their ignorance.

In ‘Stop Crying Your Heart Out’ I spoke of music I would listen to on the way to and from work and wondered what a suitable new sound would be to mark this new stage of my professional existence.

When I applied at the job fair Keith Sweat’s ‘Twisted’ and ‘Nobody’ kept me centered. Barenaked Ladies’ ‘Stunt’ provided the soundtrack to my transition to supervisor, and my time as management had Oasis as the eye of the storm. After some experimentation during the fair I have found a worthy, and not altogether surprising, successor to the musical throne: Pet Shop Boys.

‘Why should this hold any significance?’ you may ask, ‘why should I give a damn?’

Two reasons.

First, ANYTHING that shows up on my radar during fair is noteworthy for the simple rare honour of actually getting my attention during that hectic time. Granted this year has been easier than most of my management or even supervisory days but even with the slightly reduced workload it’s more than most people are accustomed to.

Second, the music sets the tone. Barenaked Ladies helped me keep my sense of humour as I had to deal with many trying challenges as a supervisor. As management Oasis got me pumped up at the start of the day as I was often the first to arrive and provided a tapering off effect on the way home as various incidents would often have the adrenaline up.

You trying getting to sleep after standing toe-to-toe with a guy twice your size who just threatened you with bodily harm telling him that not only will you not do what he says but you’re going to kick him and his gang out. Or after seeing exposed bone or a collapsed eye socket. Or helping someone be arrested. No wonder so many of my coworkers go on to become doctors and police officers.

So yes, I think having the right music can be important. PSB is fitting not only because their new album came out shortly after taking this job but I think it better reflects the slightly slower pace but also helps after those crazy days.

When I e-mailed my ‘Open Letter To The NDP’ I honestly never thought anyone, save you good people, would read it. But today I received a snail mail letter from the NDP which begins “I want to thank you for recently taking the time to share your thoughts with the NDP. My staff review every comment“.

At first I just thought it was a regular mailer but that line got my attention.

He goes on for a page re-iterating his stance on Afghanistan, he talks about his summer vacation, then spends a half page on his “Green Agenda for Canada” before losing me with talk of seniors, children, and NORAD. Finally he asks me to reply stating whether or not I agree with the direction the party is going and if not what I think their priorities should be.

That sounds all well and good except for one thing: the letter is dated August 11th and I submitted my comments August 31st.

So it appears as though my apartment building drama has not yet come to an end.

First, despite leaving my crazy neighbour’s crap still clutters the halls. I have also noticed what appears to be black paint coming from underneath his former door and splattered on the wall near the back door. There is also a light red almost Klingon-blood purple paint on the back stairs.

Second, the crazy lady across the hall alleged that the landlord was trying to evict her because everyone in the building complained about her. She asserted that the landlord was lying and that she was going to get everyone in the building to write a letter clarifying their stance on the issue. Frankly I think the letter I wrote is more likely to hurt her case than help it.

Not that it really matters, it turns out she’s withholding $65 in rent because, and so help me this is true, he pointed his finger at her. Apparently she invited him in to her suite to discuss something and in the course of conversation he pointed at her. It seems that such behavior was the height of rudeness in her universe so she kicked him out.

It’s at this point that their stories diverge. He claims she slammed the door so forcefully and early that it hit him in the back. She alleges he kicked her door.

Why do adults behave like children?

She even freely admits she has no legal grounds to withhold part of the rent but she seems to think any arbiter would find his finger pointing unconscionable enough to support her.

In conversation with my landlord more details came out like how he had to cancel his family’s vacation to San Francisco and Anaheim last month because she kept paying the rent in tiny installments, some as little as $20, and if he weren’t around to collect he wouldn’t get what he was due. Even the possibility of her gaining my support diminished to nothing when I heard this.

The landlord also mentioned that the loud guy with whom I share a wall and suspected of belonging to a Spanish biker gang is moving out. In fact it turns out he only gave my landlord a few days notice and he was fine with that. He’s already moved out. It’s nice and quiet around here again although the crazy lady seems to be trying to fill the void.

In the past week 2 people have both commented on how they felt “out of touch” with me. Now at this time of year statements such as these are neither rare nor surprising but nevertheless I think they’re worth investigating.

Any guesses as to who made these comments?

The first is probably the least surprising of the two: My ex. She took complete responsibility for letting it happen which for this time of year is a nice change of pace. Admittedly I can’t help but wonder if this comment was blog inspired. But more than that, does it matter?

The other complainant was Simi, my surrogate mom from Sears. Further earning the title of surrogate mom she’d been calling and leaving messages about why I haven’t been over for dinner and comp passes. She was very understanding when after a few days of not returning her calls I ran into her at the parade.

I’d been wondering how the eviction of my neighbour would play out. I was of course primarily concerned about acts of violence or vandalism so I didn’t put much thought into the logistics of him physically moving what could only be laughably called his valuables. Turns out my landlord is having to do most of the work for him.

My neighbour being the head case that he is, not a moment goes by without comment. He rotates through arguments to pitiful comments (and by that I mean literally trying to elicit pity) to crying to making excuses to outright verbal fights and of course all laced with his trademark swearing…and none of it quiet. Two particular comments caught my notice…

“I hate work!”
The way he said (read: yelled) this was as if it hadn’t occurred to him that moving might be work, as if it were an insidious beast that snuck up on him, an unparalleled evil unjustly forced upon him. An accurate paraphrasing would be ‘holy crap, I just realized this is work! How dare anyone or anything ever make me work for any reason?’. Frankly I think he would have mustered less righteous indignation if someone had asked him to shoot a child. Hippie indeed.

“I don’t have to answer to anybody”
This really is the crux of it, isn’t it? It seems to me that he’s never had to face the consequences of his actions. Any time he got close he was likely either bailed out, someone took pity on him and gave him another chance, or there was someone else he could blame for his lot in life. Ironically his life may have been better if people hadn’t enabled him to avoid reality.

So the date of his eviction arrived and what did he do on his last night of legal tenancy here? Cloning. Not quite what I expected either. Seems he invited several people over that were so much like himself they even sound just like him.

I was almost beginning to think it may have been all him until 2 identical voices would talk at the same time and a guy half his age knocked on my door with a half empty bottle of alcohol in his hand asking where “the lady with the long hair” is. I know, I shouldn’t look at the negative…the bottle was half full. Beyond that, good riddance to bad rubbish.

By the way, this is my 100th post in my blog.

I really don’t get my staff sometimes. They wow me with their brilliance one moment and then shock me with irresponsibility the next. They perform herculean feats for a weekend and are criminally lazy for a week.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a great team. By and large the disappointing behavior is the exception and not the rule but when it comes it comes in groups.

Again for the most part my team is brilliant and hard working but every now and then they make me shake my head.

And before you judge me too harshly for the title of this entry know that it’s a quote, if you don’t get the reference then don’t jump to any conclusions.

I got an e-mail from the ex saying she wants to see me when she gets back. For some reason this evokes images of children’s toys…most notably a yo-yo.

How many more ups and downs am I spared by not being with her I wonder. Not that I’m not looking forward to being friends, I think that will work much better.

(Note: Blog entries are running about a week behind)

It seems the post ‘Lyndon: The Next Generation’ has taken on a life of it’s own. The most recent evidence of this coming in the form of one of my best friends saying that the post inspired him to make some major life changes over the next year and a half.

I take this to mean he’s thinking of changing his career path, particularly given that he quoted the line “happiness isn’t about how high on the ladder you climb but knowing you’re on the right ladder“. I figure he’s either going to re-muster under a new trade or leave the armed forces altogether.

Although I do have a history of incorrectly predicting such announcements, for all I know he could have been talking about his love life but I doubt it.

Once again I am amazed at the power of the Internet. Or maybe it’s the power of the written word? Or maybe…it’s me?

Maybe I really have found something special. I’ve felt this way for years, the idea that it could be news to my mother or friend is strange to me (when was the last time you made your mother jealous?). I’ve been saying it for years, I guess I either wasn’t being clear or I was too focused on breaking or refuting their assumptions. But the fact is, I have found something and it’s great and I want to share it - I always have. It’s obviously not for everyone, but you can find your own version.

A work that almost never feels like work, a team that’s a family, a place of acceptance and meaning beyond yourself.

I’ve never worked a day in my life at this job for the money. I’ve met very few who have, and those that I’ve met I didn’t know what to do with because they were anomalies. The money we make gives us the freedom to do our jobs, that’s how it works.

Dennis gave me a yellow balloon today. He called it a pear. Where else will you find something like that?

One reader wrote in recently regarding my post ‘Lyndon: The Next Generation’ with some interesting comments.

Now personally I thought the entry lacked focus and cohesion, what started out as an interesting parallel dissolved into a self serving rant.

It’s nice to know not everyone saw it that way.

In fact the other day when I was feeling down someone close to me referenced the entry in an effort to cheer me up and demonstrate my worth.

This entry’s been getting a lot of airplay it would seem.

Getting back to the comments I received from a reader she said she was ‘astounded’ and ‘dumbfounded’ by the post so she printed it out and showed it to all her coworkers who were similarly ‘dumbfounded’.

Now ‘dumbfounded’ is not a word I encounter frequently so in that context I took it to mean ‘confused’. I figured she printed it out to have her coworkers explain it and they couldn’t.

Then I checked the definition of ‘dumbfounded’ which turned out to be “To fill with astonishment and perplexity; confound” which opened the door to the comment being a compliment of a high order but still did not rule out confusion. So I responded for clarification. She replied to say that they were awed by it and that she was jealous, that they were finding my ‘compositions’ to be very interesting.

I find it interesting that the insane rantings of a neurotic workaholic with a side of OCD can be thought of as ‘compositions’. In fact one of my staff recently accused my blog of using such elevated language as to remind him of an academic textbook.

Anyways, I now know to take ‘dumbfounded’ as the compliment it was intended to be.

Thanks mom.

Fair is over for the tenth time and with it comes some changes.

Mindi and I are dating, for one. In fact we’re looking into going to Seattle for the Pet Shop Boys concert on November 5th and then off to Vegas for the rest of the week.

Now those of you who have been through this with me before may expect my schedule to free up within a couple days - unfortunately this assumption would be incorrect. For me there is at least 1 more, and as many as 3 more, weeks of craziness.

Hopefully we can all look forward to my fair weight coming off as I return to my Subway regime.

Likewise I should be able to keep the blog updated with greater frequency as you may have noticed me missing a few days of late.

Readership is likely to increase as I have shared the location of my blog with some people.

I will be striving towards achieving a greater degree of honesty and openness both here in my blog and elsewhere as I share news and aspects of myself with people who may not agree with all I have to say or write but with a little patience and a lot of luck will appreciate my forthrightness in the end.

“It’s wondrous - with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross - but it is not for the timid” -Q ‘Q Who’ (TNG)

The following was originally written to be published on August 16th. For why this entry was shelved see the entry for that day.

The other day someone commented of my most recent ex, “didn’t you guys just break up?” So I sat down and thought about it and it’s been almost 2 months since the breakup. More than that she’s been gone for nearly a month. Before she left she made a big deal out of getting my contact information, particularly my mailing address, so that she could write me while she was away.

So far it’s been nearly a month and I haven’t heard a word: no mail, e-mail, IM, text message, nothing. I’ll admit to being curious about what’s going on with her but I can figure part of it out for myself: she’s moved on and I guess it’s time I do the same. I don’t know what that bit about me being what she wants and fighting for me after breaking up with me was, perhaps it’s just one of those things people say.

I want to clarify that she didn’t always behave the way I described here. In fact the whole reason I felt the need to write about her in the first place was because her behavior was so out of character and I was hoping either writing about it would somehow make it make sense or someone would explain it to me. But the point is before the drama she was a pretty good person.

When I first met her I was somewhat surprised by her dichotomy of a sweet innocence and level head. After having dated so many crazies or people with baggage I thought I had finally found a nice, normal, down to earth girl who would finally break my cycle of relationships gone wrong.

Ours wasn’t the most romantic story in the world, in point of fact were it made into a movie it likely would have bored people to tears. But it was nice, free of complications for the most part. No drama, nothing to report. We shared the mundane and it was for the most part nice.

She didn’t always get my jokes and never really opened up that much herself but she was always willing to listen so long as it wasn’t about an ex. She was always the first to volunteer to help someone with no thought of personal gain, most of her family shared that philosophy. Frankly her generosity of time surprised me.

Happy Birthday.

I recently received a message from a reader asking for some advice…

“Hello, I just read your blog. Yup, it’s been really hard to trust especially if your loveone. You give your all but despite that, things are not okay. We id everything but still, it would not work out…It is really hard to maintain a good relationship…Do you think you should give up although in your heart, you still love that person? In my situation…hehe”

Feeling myself to be a bit of a victim of Engrish (if it’s in Wikipedia it isn’t racist) I did my best to reply…

“Hi, thanks for your message. I’m not sure I understand what you’re trying to say but I’ll try to respond…Well the thing with my situation is SHE gave up and then changed her mind. I care about her, sure, but before we broke up we didn’t have a good relationship - it takes two people to fix that and she’s not even sure if she wants to stay. If we can’t make things work in the same city we wouldn’t stand a chance with her going away.“

I’ve heard things before about mind control programs of the CIA and frankly shrugged them off as likely to be little more than memos that never evolved into fully funded programs. My recent wikipedia research on JFK has shown the error of my assumptions.

For example the CIA, while experimenting with LSD (Not to be confused with LDS), was directly responsible for a man’s death. An American citizen no less. A scientist associated with the CIA even. They surreptitiously exposed him to LSD without his knowledge, consent, or even any information about his mental health. He jumped out of a window and died as a result.