Welcome Back?
When she left I was in a very different place than I am now. I knew I should see her again, she had borrowed something of mine she had yet to return after all, but somehow I never really thought I would. Then, in the middle of what was supposed to be the most difficult day of my year, there she was.
I didn’t know how I felt, it would just complicate things and raise questions to which there were no good answers so I tried to distance myself. I stayed busy, which I was, but I still acknowledged her presence so seeing her again could not be allowed to have any apparent outward significance.
I honestly thought it might just work.
Then she hugged me.
I touched her arm.
…and it felt great.
Suddenly all the stress drained from my body and evaporated before me. Suddenly there was nothing in the universe except for her. We went back to my cubicle and chatted. I heard sounds that made me think it was busy and that I may be needed but I didn’t care. I was committed to making time to talk to her. We talked about everything and nothing, the deeply personal and the incredibly mundane.
After she left I felt completely at peace, as though nothing the world could throw at me would be too much, or even matter. Somehow I was detached and yet still enjoying every moment and then I realized I was actually IN the moment. My mind had stopped reviewing the past, worrying about the present, or planning for the future. I was at peace and supremely confident.
One of my staff, who is often too perceptive for his own good, even commented on how she said good bye to me, potentially opening a myriad Pandora’s box of new things to worry about but I didn’t care.
It wasn’t a romantic encounter but there was definitely a romantic quality to it, something along the lines of a Nora Ephron flick. She’s living with someone and I’m totally into someone myself so nothing will ever come of it. It wouldn’t work anyways, despite how well we get along there are serious incompatibilities so it’s not like that’s even a thought really.
I guess it’s nothing more than what someone once said, we’re just really close.
