Grazing Rites

Recently someone made the observation that I was out of their league and this surprised and confounded me for a variety of reasons.

For one they’re more attractive than I am by far and had a wider variety of experiences.

I’ll admit I once dated a girl who I kind of thought of as beneath my league (good luck guessing who) and I once gave up on pursuing a girl who I thought was out of my league but beyond those two experiences the concept was just simply not something I considered.

What made me out of her league, I inquired. She said because I’ve “got it together“. Personally I thought such things would be determined by appearance or perhaps social status but this particular phrase has turned up several times over the last month or two so perhaps it bears looking into.

Due to a voluntary publication ban I can’t discuss the other recent uses of the phrase but I will risk running afoul of the ban by quoting the phrases “You seem to have everything under control and make it look so easy” and “I’ve never…admired or envied anyone they way I do you” as they’re relevant to the topic at hand and can be discussed without mentioning the source.

Warren once told me I make a phenomenal first impression on people but I honestly thought he was just being nice by saying that.

And there was also that “an amazing example of following your dreams” quote from the June post of the same name.

At the risk of inflating my ego I think that perhaps I really had no idea how other people saw me. Honestly I thought that to most I was the wacky guy that they tolerated. I know to certain individuals like Burton and Jon I meant more but I figured the average person saw me as weird. This may also explain why I seem to under-estimate Kim’s interest in spending time with me, it shocks the heck out of me whenever she expresses disappointment in me being busy.

Thanks to my family I was thoroughly convinced that most people didn’t respect the work that I did. Seriously, you can only hear “so when are you going to get a real job?” so many times before you start believing it, even if only just a little.

I live in a small, cheap apartment with crazy neighbours and I have neither a car nor a driver’s license - frankly I thought I might be just above ‘Object Of Pity’ on the social hierarchy.

Granted I’m doing well enough financially but that’s largely due to my minimalist existence and humble needs - lack of a car and expensive apartment helps too. Plus I thought only shallow people would view this as relevant. Yea, I’d agree that I “have it together” financially but other than that I see myself as as confused as everyone else or I’ve beaten a path so far off the radar it takes patience and a lot of explaining before people see where I’m coming from.

So how then did I end up in a league above someone to the point that they didn’t think they had a chance with me? Am I the only person who has trouble seeing this concept as anything but incredibly odd?

I could see the envy thing but even that I just figured was more because I found a way to survive on the money I make at a job I thought was fun. Like the guy who skips school but still gets a B in the class, not valued so much for being brazen or smart but just for getting away with it. I admit I often think of my job as just an extreme overtime period from the fun game of high school. This is ironic when you consider high school only lasts 5 years whereas I’ve worked for the same organization for 10 years.

Maybe I should take a little more pride in myself. Granted I despise people who go on about how great they are and am loathe to join their ranks but at the same time I’m all about knowing yourself, facing that which you doubt, and living in reality.

Even before this I DID acknowledge my strengths such as public speaking, story telling, and intermediate computer skills but I really just saw those as positive footnotes.

It might be interesting, perhaps in a future post, to attempt to list the different criteria that might go in to determining someone’s ‘league’. Please feel free to submit your suggestions for inclusion in this upcoming entry.

Peace out.

That’s what cool people say, right?

This entry was posted on July 14, 2006 at 11:30 am and is filed under Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.