The Penguin
So yesterday an ex of mine came by to see me at work.
Okay, so she actually had work-related reasons to drop by but nevertheless we ended up chatting for hours. When I mentioned to my staff that we had dated for 2 years she was SHOCKED at the lack of animosity.
Could this being friends with the ex thing actually be a rarity? Are we some kind of massive exception to the rest of the universe? Or did we just stumble upon the perfect formula? Why did I remain friends with her and not others?
I think a big part of it was that no matter what happened, no matter what we went through we were at all times open and honest with each other. We never had any hidden agendas or secret plans. When we were together we really were together, sharing the ups and downs of life.
I suppose it also helped that she wasn’t too crazy.
I can’t really see myself being friends with Jenny or Dawna for example because they were simply too destructively nuts.
The Mormon and I get along well enough, she’s also married like the ex who visited, we chat amicably over msn on occasion but since she lives in another country it’s hard to be close friends.
I could also see myself being good friends with the girl from Ontario however she has yet to reply to my laser tag invite…
I don’t think it’s all that hard to become friends after breaking up with someone but I DO think it requires a few things.
I think the most important requirement is that neither person played any games during the relationship. If you got screwed over by the person how can you expect to be friends after wards if you weren’t treated with respect during the relationship. There has to be at least a foundation of respect. Keeping secrets, hidden agendas, and not being open and honest is a poor foundation for any kind of relationship be it romantic, friendly, or professional.
The next most important requirement is having a thick skin. If you can’t joke about the past then it’s very hard to move beyond it.
It’s also often helpful to have some time apart before pursuing the friendship. That way neither side ends up saying hurtful things because the wound is too raw to be civil.
None of these 3 requirements are hard and fast rules, they just worked for me once.
By the way, this is my 50th post in my blog.
