Another Postcard
So I read another article on relationships that is the subject of today’s entry. This article addresses what to do in a breakup. It makes some good points but that doesn’t make for good blogging so let’s focus on the flaws, shall we?
He offers advice to both the dumpee and the dumper.
For the dumper he basically does a riff off of Wounded Animal Theory(tm) however he asserts that you should never talk to the ex again. He says if you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with the other person you don’t want to talk to them ever again either. That seems a little too all-or-nothing to me. There’s got to be a happy medium. Granted not always but it IS possible. Just because you don’t love someone it doesn’t follow that you hate them, there is the possibility of a ‘like’ territory between the two. For example I was great friends with Eleana after we broke up…of course this required us not talking to each for about 6 months first and even then having thick skins but it worked well. Frankly if she wasn’t married now we’d probably still be pretty close. Heck, I wanted to be her Maid Of Honour but that’s another story…
On to the dumpee’s side of things…
In this case the author insists the dumpee “face facts” including…
- She wasn’t the love of your life
- You don’t want to be “just friends”
- It wasn’t a perfect relationship
- Love letters don’t show love they show manipulation and neediness
- The dumper is feeling guilty for hurting you, leave them alone
I think perhaps in the case of the dumpee the author might have gotten it right. Although I still think even if you don’t want to be “just friends” right away you may want to after some time has passed. His insight about love letters definitely makes a good point. Although I can’t help but notice his article, while addressing hurt, love, and sadness, doesn’t address what to do in the case when in the dumping a massive injustice has been perpetrated nor does it cover what to do if the dumper changes their mind after wards.
Perhaps I expect too much from my advice columns.
