The Other Shoe Drops…With My Foot In It
First to clarify a few things about my earlier post (see ‘Left Behind’)…I wasn’t the only person playing tour guide, I was just asked to come along at the request of the real tour guide. When they left for the mall at 10am we talked on the phone and decided to meet up when they were done at the mall. The day before we had spent together, the 3 visitors from the UK, the real tour guide, and myself - everything seemed fine.
Comments I received regarding that post included “I can’t believe they ditched you”, “you have every right to be furious, they clearly don’t respect you”, “You’re better off without them”, and “Maybe they just lost sight of the day and forgot about you”. Thanks Mom for that last one.
So late last night I was able to get some answers. It turns out the person who invited me stopped to help someone after going to the mall and while she was doing this the UK trio invited someone else along who they know better than I and had yet to see this trip, however they still should have known I was already supposed to be going. Allegedly somewhere along the line there was a text message that was meant for me that was accidentally sent to someone else but that doesn’t seem to mitigate things much. So it wasn’t completely malicious, it’s not that I pissed them off (I asked) so either I was easily forgotten or just not important enough to be included.
So after expressing my anger it seemed a halfhearted apology was all I was going to get and the topic moved on to an e-mail she had received and a work dilemma she was facing. Seeing the degree of importance my hurt feelings had with her I suggested that I sit the rest of this visit out as I’m clearly not welcome or at the very least not a priority and they have other people they’d rather see this trip, people they’ve known a lot longer than me so that’s fine. It would have been nice had they decided not to bother inviting me in the first place though as I would have been spared the cold “we’re going to have fun and there’s no room for you” text message. I mean really, who would say something like that? The intention may not have been to rub it in my face but it’s pretty hard not to think of it that way. So after discussing all that I’m told that I am a part of the group whether they or I like it or not and that I will be going with them in the future.
This crossed a line.
Before there was the possibility of innocent explanations for everything (although really I’d be a chump for thinking so) but now I was being told I didn’t have a choice and if there’s one thing that gets my back up is having my choices and freedoms taken away. I have a PoliSci degree so I have some conception of what happens when you let your freedom be eroded and at the risk of sounding American there’s few things worth fighting for as much as freedom.
So I put my foot down.
I politely but firmly informed her that I in fact DO have a choice and I am choosing not to subject myself to this treatment again. They can have their fun without me. She then compromised saying she would invite me but I could refuse. This was followed by a more sincere apology and an abrupt log off - not really sure if that would be the equivalent of storming out or running off or something else but I said all that I felt I needed to and the resolution suits me fine so I don’t see any point in pursuing the matter. I’m angry at the lack of respect and the callous disregard for my feelings but I’m the outsider here so I’ll let them focus on each other while they’re in town and life will continue on as normal afterwords. In the meantime perhaps I can reconnect with some friends that I haven’t seen in awhile.
