Officially A Chump
Prior to the events chronicled in ‘Left Behind’ and ‘The Other Shoe Drops…With My Foot In It’ I offered to let her and 3 friends into the amusement park where I work for free and when 4 more passes became available she asked for those too. I had forgotten if I had given her the first passes and when I went to double check because I had gotten more she asked for the new ones as well. I had been thinking about offering them to someone else but whatever.
I am, if nothing else, a man of my word.
So despite recent issues I decided to be a gentleman about things. As part of the free ticket package I provided her and 7 of her friends admission, a drink, a popcorn or cotton candy, and a game. I greeted them at the gate and they promptly rushed off without saying a word. I later saw her and she walked towards me but at the last moment veered away. Later I caught them unawares and tried to be friendly asking how they were, if they were enjoying themselves, if there was anything they needed. The UK trio was polite, honest, and direct. I asked them if they needed any extra vouchers for anything, a couple politely asked for one or two and then one woman she had brought that I hadn’t met before to my recollection asks me how many vouchers I had, despite her aggressive and opportunistic tone I tried to think well of her and thought perhaps she wanted to make sure her request wouldn’t deplete my supply of vouchers too greatly. Once again, more the fool I. I told her I had several and she asked for all of them. I tried to laugh it off but she just stared at me with cold eyes. I said “tell me ONE thing that you want and I’ll see what I can do” she eventually held me to 2 vouchers. I put on my best smile, told them all to have fun and contact me if they needed anything and continued on for I was working at the event. I checked in on them one or two more times throughout the evening doing my best to be a gracious host. Providing yet more vouchers, answering questions, telling jokes. During once such attempt I was largely ignored except when I asked directed questions at specific individuals. One of her friends whom I hadn’t met before had only asked for one additional voucher all night and was very appreciative. The UK trio were polite and thanked me in passing whenever I did something for them. She at one point, after having just gotten several more vouchers for games from me said something along the lines of “it’s about time” or something similar, I can’t remember that exact line at the moment but the sarcasm was clear. She softened the blow after my face fell by saying she was just kidding - that was as close as I got to a thank you from her all night. The rest of the group with the exception of her greedy friend thanked me quietly whenever I went above and beyond but I think only one of the UK trio, the really nice guy, ever said a thing about me getting them in in the first place. Not even the offer of a ride home which would have been nice but wasn’t expected, although really I shouldn’t even allow myself to ponder that possibility as we all know quite well by now that there isn’t room for me anymore.
Admittedly had recent events not occurred I probably wouldn’t have even noticed the lack of gratitude as that is not why I do things but tonight I was somewhat keenly aware of it as the night came to a close. I didn’t even get a sympathetic comment when I mentioned how I was pulling a 13 hour day. I was attentive, considerate, and bloody generous and all I got in return was the occasional obligatory thanks from her friends and demands for more from her cold-eyed friend.
In contrast last time I took someone to this event Burton stayed late and nearly forced me into the car to give me a ride home. Few can compare with Burton’s kindness of course but the dichotomy is striking I think.
Now the day wasn’t all bad, I jumped on an opportunity at work I had been waiting for since I got my new position and even had a sweet moment or two with a departing coworker. Sweet moments, it felt like getting a breath of fresh air after having your head held under water for too long - it felt so good it almost stung just because it’s purity and positivity had become so rare in my life of late. I haven’t felt like that in SO long - just a sweet moment shared with just one other fit for a romantic movie that would make Nora Ephron proud. But I digress.
I’m going to come clean on a few issues now. The ‘her’ in these tails is my girlfriend of over a year. I was trying to preserve identities to protect the innocent but one needs to be innocent for such consideration. We’ve been chatting some things out over msn, my screenname and usernote changing along the way. On the way home today 2 things occurred to me. 1) My screenname and usernote are methods of communication that often give clues about my mood or issues I may be facing both happy and other. These are aides in discussion and fixing things. 2) For the first time ever I DON’T want to fix things - no screenname or usernote for me for awhile as I no longer want to help her figure things out. For the first time I have one simple feeling (beyond the rage and indignation of course)…
I. Want. Out.
Will I feel the same way in the morning? Will the strength of my convictions (or is it anger) hold? Only time will tell.
So the question I leave you with is this: All things considered, on a scale of 1 to 10, how big a chump I?
