I Made My Excuses And Left
I wanted to leave recent drama behind me partly for you good readers who have put up with it for so long however some questions were still coming in that I think it would save time to address them here…
“Are you upset?”
I’m not upset THAT we broke up, I’m upset HOW we broke up. I felt as if insult was piled upon insult, the crap I went through completely disregarded, and me made a chump - I may not have been the last to know but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t one of the first 3.
“How do you compare to her ex that’s she running away to Europe to live with but alledgy not getting back together with?”
Well he’s heavier than I even before my diet and almost never talks to anyone but his best friend. The fact is she NEVER wants to talk about her feelings save the occasional meeting. Since this guy barely talks perhaps it’ll work, they can live their lives in near silence. That kind of life is certainly not for me.
“How do you feel about finding out what she was planning from her screenname?”
How do you think I feel? Pretty pissed off and insulted, it’s almost worse than text message. However I suppose it is par for the course, when we were together the only clues I got about how she felt was through her msn screennames anyways, seems fitting it should end that way.
“Do you think maybe she was using you like training wheels to go back to her exboyfriend with more experience?”
I don’t think so. At worst, not to sound immodest, it may have been lust as she was interested in the phyiscal side of things more than I was at the time and even complained last Christmas about that. Or it’s simply possible she used me as companionship instead of doing the long distance thing with the person she really cared for - the mormon did something like this. Perhaps I was a placeholder or intermission of some kind. Frankly 3 weeks ago I never would have thought her capable of any of this but that was before she let her plans to move to Europe with the ex she asked me to help keep from annoying her slip in her screenname. Regardless of the senario, plans, or intentions I am still very, very mad.
“Maybe she’s just rebounding with the ex”
Yea, rebounds happen AFTER a break-up, not before.
“Maybe she just wants a clear conscience in case anything happens in the UK”
Sadly this probably represents a best case senario, but the end result is all the same so what does it matter just how badly she screwed me?
What this all distills down to is that she ended things with a slap to the face. I’m glad it’s over as I wanted out anyways but I’m angry and I’m probably going to be angry for awhile. I’m not used to that as I normally don’t stay angry for very long but disrespect and being played/used really bothers me especially when I can’t do anything about it. So yes I’m okay, no I won’t be listening to sad music and crying, I’m just going to be angry and that really is the extent of how upset I’ll be - I know myself well enough to say that. Indignity is my enemy now, not loneliness - I have too many great friends for that to be a problem.
Will I be jumping back into another relationship? I leave that to fate. For now just expect songs like ‘I’m With Stupid’, ‘How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?’, ‘A New Life’, ‘This Must Be The Place I Waited Years To Leave’, and most fittingly ‘I Made My Excuses And Left’ to feature prominently in my playlists.
