Grazing Rites

The New Westminster-Coquitlam riding is facing a by-election Monday due to Dawn Black’s resignation to transfer to provincial politics so let’s take a look at the candidates…

NDP – Fin Donnelly
With a strong environmentalist like Fin running under the NDP banner in a recently NDP dominated riding I can’t image the left splitting its vote much at all with the Greens. Why vote Green when you have an environmental activist running with the NDP? It’s the best of both worlds.

Conservative – Diana Dilworth
A former city councilor she brings some political experience to the game but her focus seems to be taxation and hating the Liberals. Her slogan “stand up for Canada” doesn’t exactly make sense. Stand up against whom? She seems upset about alleged Liberal arrogance but I don’t see how any of this presents useful policies.

Liberal – Ken Lee
His mailer is all about Ignatieff rather than himself – it’s important and informative but it seems more like he’s being used to improve Ignatieff’s image than actually win the riding.

Green – Rebecca Helps
I could make a joke about her last name but it’s just too easy. Her background isn’t very impressive: a girl guide leader, instituted a recycling program at a junior high, and worked at Yellow Pages and BC Housing. She’s also still on about STV which I disagree with and has been rejected by voters two general provincial elections in a row.

Conclusions
Fin Donnelly is probably going to win by uniting in the left. Diana Dilworth is simply too negative. If you want to vote for Michael Ignatieff then vote for Ken Lee. I frankly don’t think Rebecca Helps has the comprehension for federal politics. So my recommendation is to vote NDP or if for some reason you have an aversion to doing so then go Liberal.

I’ve heard a lot of crazy and contradictory things since even the idea of a vaccine first came up. I’m about the farthest thing from a medical professional so when the media reported that they wanted young children to get the vaccine the week of November 2nd the decision was easy. Call the doctor and do whatever he says. He said get the shot.

So today was the first opportunity to get the kid his shot and according to the doc as well as the media it might be his last chance for a little while as the supply looks poised to dry up temporarily, partly due to queue-jumping hockey teams. The doctor’s office only administers the shot for one hour each day. It seemed a little odd but you play the hand that you’re dealt.

The day before I instituted No Thomas Day; the kid’s obsessed with Thomas and a break could do him good. Plus it was all part of the plan.

I began preparing to leave 90 minutes before we had to – getting dressed, packing a bag, that sort of thing. This included converting an hour long episode of Thomas for playback on my PDA.

I timed it so that we arrived 10 minutes early – we ended up 6th in line, the people immediately in front of us had been waiting 25 minutes already when we arrived and moments after we got there the line doubled. It seemed we arrived at just the right time – early enough for maximum efficiency but not so earl y as to be crazy.

So I busted out the headphones and the PDA and kept the kid at my side with some Thomas. Other parents looked at me with either admiration for my planning or contempt for the reliance on television rather than, say, a book.

The second group to go in was a couple of twins; we could hear their screams out in the hallway. This changed the remaining condescending looks from fellow parents to looks of regret and admiration as the screams caused great and often vocal anxiety in all the other children – which my son couldn’t hear. He was happy as a clam.

Knowing we were headed for a shot I dressed him appropriately in a t-shirt and button up shirt and jacket. Once in the room I got his jacket and shirt off and rolled up the sleeve on the t-shirt. He continued watching Thomas looking in the opposite direction of the exposed arm.

When the nurse came in she was shocked. She asked if we had already gotten the shot because we looked so prepared. I said no and mentioned that I hadn’t wiped the soon-to-be injection site with rubbing alcohol yet so she could do that if she wanted to feel useful. We had a chuckle. She needed to get a smaller needle and when she came back she brought a fellow nurse to show her what a prepared family looked like.

The shot took half a second. The kid made a face but beyond that you wouldn’t know that anything had happened. The nurse said she wanted to give us an award for best patient ever. As we left I overheard her telling another nurse about what great patients we were…well that was what I could make out over the screaming of the twins who were still tying up another room.

Drums

Easy
Interpol – PDA
Modest Mouse – Float On
The Go-Go’s – We Got The Beat

Medium
Billy Idol – White Wedding
Blondie - One Way Or Another
Cheap Trick - Hello There
Devo – Uncontrollable Urge
Dinosaur Jr. – Feel The Pain
Foo Fighters - Everlong
Guns N’ Roses – Shackler’s Revenge
Jane’s Addiction – Mountain Song
Jimmy Eat World – The Middle
Journey – Any Way You Want It [x4]
Journey – Don’t Stop Believing
L7 – Pretend We’re Dead
Lit – My Own Worst Enemy [x1]
Lush - De-Luxe
Nirvana – Drain You
Nirvana – Polly [x3]
Panic At The Disco – Nine In The Afternoon
Rage Against The Machine – Testify
Ratt - Round & Round
Smashing Pumpkins – Today
Speck – Conventional Lover [x2]
Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger
Talking Heads - Psycho Killer
The Donnas - New Kid In School
The Main Drag - A Jagged Gorgeous Winter
The Offspring – Come Out And Play (Keep ‘Em Separated) [x3]
The Replacements – Alex Chilton [x1]
The Who - Pinball Wizard [x2]
Tenacious D – Master Exploder
Alanis Morissette – Head Over Feet

Vocals

Easy
Duran Duran – Hungry Like The Wolf
L7 – Pretend We’re Dead
Oasis – Wonderwall [x4]
R.E.M. – Losing My Religion [x3]
Social Distortion - I Was Wrong
Smashing Pumpkins - Today

Guitar

Easy
Duran Duran – Girls On Film
Modest Mouse – Float On

Click for full image

When I started this blog a few years ago I had absolutely no idea I would spend as much time talking about television as I do now. In fact when Mindi first suggested it I thought it a rather dull topic. Of course back then the only TV shows that got me excited was 24 and…well…Daily Show and Colbert Report I guess. Much has changed since then. Knight Rider came and went, for example.

Now the show currently on the air that I find myself most looking forward to each week is FlashForward; a new offering this season from a slowly recovering ABC. I probably went a decade without watching ABC and without noticing. But last season a mid-season replacement caught my eye in the form of Castle – perfect right out of the gate. And now comes along FlashForward, also perfect from the start.

Back in the day, like in the late 80s for example, a show tended to run for a full season before properly finding its footing. Just look at the extremely uneven first season of The Next Generation for an example – hell they didn’t pull it together to produce consistently quality episodes until the third season. But FlashForward, Castle, 24, Big Bang Theory, and Chuck all seemed to start off nearly perfect in their implementation. The cast, the theme, the conflict, and the very heart of these shows were all polished right away. Had Knight Rider been given a second season I’m sure it would have gotten there but alas that’s a complaint for another day. The point is lately I have been blown over by the amount of quality programming that seems to know what it’s doing right away. I have to admit early in this decade I feared for the future of television – with Family Guy and Firefly cancelled 24 seemed to be our only hope but that concept was so challenging no one tried to duplicate it. I’m glad to say I think we’re living in, for me at least, the second coming of television. I never thought I’d see the day; I was honestly convinced that reality TV would kill us all. To hell with Skynet, we needed to stop Survivor.

So why am I putting FlashForward at the front of the pack? It’s just so gripping. I’m not saying it’s the best thing on television (although it could be) I’m saying it’s the thing you can’t wait to see the next episode of. Big Bang Theory and Castle are great but if you had to skip a week it wouldn’t be the end of the world. But the 24-like serialized nature of FlashForward is like a constant cliffhanger since the first episode – they don’t even have to invent new reasons to keep you watching, the premise is plenty. So in that one respect it has a leg up on 24, of course they’ll need to reinvent conflict for a second season but let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.

Some people have been comparing FlashForward to Lost and I haven’t watched enough Lost to know how valid that is (and I’m not going to) but if Lost had replaced “island” with “time travel” I probably would have given it a chance. That said, don’t try to convince me that if I like FlashForward I should watch Lost – it just ain’t gonna happen. You’re lucky I watched Castaway once. Islands don’t do it for me.

Actually I think FlashForward has a lot in common with 24. For one thing I noticed today on Wikipedia that the episodes are directed in couplets, which is to say one director will direct two episodes back-to-back. That method created great continuity on 24 and seems to be doing well for FlashForward as the directing styles and choices are fresh and engaging but don’t try to reinvent the wheel either. Also whereas 24 had each episode last a real-time hour FlashForward seems to loosely stick to the time frame in which it airs. It’s not perfect for obvious reasons – some episodes taking place back-to-back but airing over a period of 2 weeks and I suspect a Christmas hiatus is in the offing, although I’m less than thrilled at the prospect. I can’t help but notice that April 29th 2010, the day everyone Flash Forwarded to, is a Thursday – FlashForward airs on Thursdays. That’ll be a hell of a day and you can find me planted firmly in front of my TV that night. Unfortunately March 15th 2010 is a Monday but I think it’s more the Ides Of March that they were going for with that specific date. Oh and a cast member from season 4 of 24 fills the role of soothsayer in this particular plotline. And a Shakespeare reference in a show starring the guy from Shakespeare In Love? This show has lots of fun stuff to keep you involved.

Now all that said who will come out on top when 24 and Chuck come back in 2010? Well, that will be a wonderful dilemma, won’t it? For the first time since I discovered it I can picture a world after 24 has left the small screen that doesn’t completely suck.

Guess who/what I (and my family) are going to be for Halloween…

(click for full images)

It’s been brewing for awhile now, don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. You may have even joined a facebook group showing your support for one side or the other but do you truly understand the issues?

There’s a reason I haven’t waded in on this subject yet – I didn’t feel as if I knew enough to choose a side. One side wants local TV to survive and the other claims they’re just trying to create a new tax to buy more foreign content. One side is making tons of money and claiming it’s the other side that’s incompetent and after cash. It’s all very confusing and contradictory. I haven’t done much research but I’ve thought about it a bunch and here’s how I come down on this little dust-up…

My first inclination is to side with local TV – they’re the underdog and haven’t gone as wildly negative as the cable companies have.

This all started because cable companies rebroadcast local channels without paying them for the content. They’re selling something they don’t own, didn’t create, didn’t buy, and never paid a dime for. That doesn’t strike me as the slightest bit fair. And if that wasn’t enough they even use the logos of local networks in their advertising materials. So it seems like cable is in the wrong here based on simple morality.

The situation got worse when advertising money dried up due to the financial crisis – car companies are usually one of the biggest advertisers and they haven’t exactly had money to burn lately. So the cable companies are branding this as local TV being incompetent and needing a bailout. I suppose leaner and meaner organizational structures could help but clearly that’s not enough.

What we have here is a common goods problem. Cable TV takes and gives nothing back from local TV and now local TV is withering from a variety of factors. Cable companies seem to lack the foresight to see that if local TV stations fall, it will hurt cable in the long run. It’s short-term greed over long-term viability. These groups should have a synergistic relationship, not a parasitic one. I pay extra for time shifting so I can watch broadcasts from other parts of Canada, if those local stations go under I won’t need that add-on anymore. And that’s just one example.

I also have to hand it to local TV for pointing out the crazy rate increases cable has pulled over the last few years – well above inflation and cost of living. In fact not too long ago I called to complain about an increase I was only told about a month after it went into effect – in the end they did nothing and blamed the increase on fuel prices. Are they driving the shows to my house in a Hummer or something? Add a fuel surcharge to installation or service calls if that’s the problem – raising everyone’s rates without telling them is a cash grab.

So what’s our way out of this mess?

Should local TV have the right to charge for rebroadcast of its content on cable? Absolutely. Should local TV be able to sue companies that use it’s logos without permission? Certainly. As I understand it neither of these is the case however. So first off these things need to change at whatever level that is required but that alone won’t solve the problem.

The problem is monopolistic tendencies of the cable companies. Ant-trust and anti-collusion laws need to be enforced on cable companies.

In my region we used to have Rogers Cable but then some big corporate deal decided that Rogers would get Central Canada and Shaw would get Western Canada and they would stay off of each other’s turfs to save money. That’s collusion (when two or more companies in the same industry work together when they’re supposed to be competing against each other). 2 large companies with combined near-complete market share agreeing not to compete and carving up the country like colonial Africa or something. At the time I was too young to understand just how wrong it was. And now we’re reaping the crop of these seeds of anti-competitive monopolistic behavior.

But what about Bell and Telus TV and the new Rogers service you ask?

Bell’s prices are pretty decent but for many people a satellite dish is not feasible – if they live in an apartment building or rent their home they may not be allowed by the owner, not have access to where they need to adjust it, not have the necessary line-of-sight…the list goes on. Plus I’m not fond of satellite technology for TV but that could just be my ignorance and inexperience talking.

As for Rogers and Telus, they don’t provide service in my area. And it’s not like I live in the country or anything. I don’t even live in a suburb. I live in a city with over half a million people in it according to the 2006 census and counting the surround metropolitan area that number jumps to over 2 million as of 3 years ago. I live less than 3 miles from the center of the city. I used to have a cell phone with Telus for about a decade and found their service fantastic; I would seriously consider switching if I were able but I am apparently out of both of their service areas. It’s 2009 for God’s sake – when did less than 3 miles become an insurmountable hurdle for technology? I can get wireless internet on a laptop or blackberry but no cable TV alternative?

So unless I try a satellite dish, which I may not even be allowed to do, I have precisely one choice when it comes to TV. This is not how capitalism is supposed to work. And besides, why bother? It seems like these companies have a pretty congenial relationship anyways, how is it likely to be any different even if I could switch?

Oh, and what’s with cable TV including the CBC in it’s hit list in those attack ads? You’re going to war with people you’ve been stealing from, a war likely to be decided by the government, and you decide to attack the national broadcaster supported largely by federal funding? You’re going to call THEM incompetent and greedy? Their president is appointed by the Prime Minister – you’re not exactly helping your case before government here. Heck, forget all that – you’re going to pick a fight with the oldest existing broadcasting service in Canada? The people who bring us hockey? If you think you can win a war for the hearts and minds of Canadians against Don Cherry you’ve clearly gotten too big for your own good.

So here’s my prescription:

Step One: Government has to allow local TV to charge for rebroadcast of their product.

Step Two: Government has to allow local TV to go to go court to protect its brand.

Step Three: Government needs to step in and stop anti-competitive actions by these huge cable companies. They either need to break up these companies into smaller units, hold them legally accountable for collusion, or in areas where competition is not viable fix their rate of price increases to the rate of inflation until such time as competition is present in the market or do some combination or perhaps even all three.

I suppose the only alternative is to cancel your cable altogether and get whatever you need off the internet, legal or otherwise, but even then guess who has a stranglehold on the internet provider market.

When the government, big business, or the market doesn’t provide moral, ethical, and legal alternatives what are we to do? I’m more than willing to pay a fair price for cable TV but the prices aren’t fair and the money isn’t going to the people who create the content. If it’s legal for cable TV to steal its TV shows and make a huge profit off of it how can it be illegal to steal TV shows and not make a profit at all? It seems that pirates now have the moral high ground on the cable companies. How about that?

The bumper boats area is dismally small and the mini golf area looked decent but you need to face facts, this place is all about the sand dunes.

We took that half hour tour and it was worth every penny. It was absolutely amazing, the views, the speed, the angles they take the buggy on will blow your mind. And it’s informative too.

When you buy your ticket(s) make sure to get some advice regarding attire and cameras and then follow that advice to the letter if possible. Every inch of exposed skin will get a slight exfoliation care of the sand and the wind. Cameras should be kept in a zippered pocket and only brought out when stopped and even then you probably don’t want to bring your most expensive piece of equipment.

This is one of those experiences that you actually have to do, it’s difficult to describe and nearly impossible to do it justice with mere words. If you’re in the area do this at least once, you won’t regret it.

Located just off the I-5 (although not that easy to find) this is a great place to stay on a trip somewhere else but if Portland is your destination it’s not particularly near anything except a Denny’s and a small strip mall. The staff was polite and friendly although when we had some difficulty with our toilet it did take them a while to take care of it.

The best feature by far is the heated indoor pool which is actually open 24 hours for adults along with a hot tub. The pool isn’t very large but the temperature is perfect. Again, this is ideal for people on a long road trip as you may arrive after most hotels close their pools.

The rooms are spacious and fantastic. The room we got had two distinct rooms, a bedroom and a living room with a kitchenette. I was very pleased to discover the fridge in our room and boy did it keep things cold.

There is still a lot of the Phoenix Inn branding about but that doesn’t take away from the experience at all. The bathtub did appear to be recently repaired and had a slight spring to it but otherwise was fine.

Not only is there free WiFi but you have 2 very fast servers to choose from and they had a computer in the lobby you can use as well. This was a lifesaver for me when I needed to do some banking that my PDA just couldn’t handle.

I was so impressed with this property I found myself thinking of excuses to come to Portland again just to enjoy it once more.

I don’t want to be old-man-telling-you-to-get-off-his-lawn but I think I need to have a Grandpa Simpson moment here.

I have been somewhat upset with the semi-recent trend devaluing dignity and privacy in popular culture of late.

So we don’t get bogged down in details let’s say since the new millennium began for the purposes of this discussion.

It’s like the only privacy people respect any more is your credit card number, that we all agree should be kept confidential but when it comes to just about anything else it seems the lowest common denominator won the war when we weren’t looking.

Personally I think reality TV shoulders some of the blame here. No one short of The Enquirer has made airing out your dirty laundry in as public a venue as possible as popular as reality TV. I hate reality TV and avoid it every which way I can and I STILL know Vern Troyer is a nasty drunk. I don’t care. That’s none of my business. I would love to forget that little bit of trivia. Reality TV has turned public scandal into an industry. Look at that Balloon Boy or Bubble Boy or whatever they’re calling him – his mom went on Wife Swap and now the family thinks crying and vomiting on national TV will make them rich.

It’s a cancer.

People post on Facebook when they’re horny or tweet about the specific symptoms of their most recent menstrual cycle. Don’t blame the internet, it’s just a medium. If we didn’t have crap like that forced down our throats on reality TV we’d be less inclined to share the most private of personal details online.

When did dignity become so devalued? Take a moment and try to think of people who you think have dignity and class; who you respect on those grounds. Let’s see who I can come up with…

Barack Obama

…man this is hard…

Jon Stewart
Wil Wheaton

Hey, there’s a great example. Wil Wheaton. Mr. Twitter himself. He doesn’t share his private moments at the cost of his dignity. He shares humourous private moments and wry observations but he maintains his dignity even when being self deprecating.

I run this blog and admittedly in the past I may have discussed some things that should have remained private so I’m no angel in this tale but perhaps I’m just one of the many caught up in the currents of popular trends. A falling tide lowers all ships I guess.

Since when did private become synonymous with close-minded, boring, or secretive? Why is privacy something that can’t be respected anymore? Sure we want an open government but how about the privacy of our personal lives? There are some places where accountability and privacy are not mutually exclusive or at war with each other.

I think we all need to stand up and declare: “I have dignity and I have a private life. I have class. There are some things in my life that are for me and my family alone. There are some things that I will not do at the cost of my dignity”.

Go on, say it if it’s true. If it’s not, ask yourself why.

Here’s the reply from Cineplex, see if you can wade through all the crap to get to their response to my actual complaint…

Thank you for contacting Cineplex Entertainment regarding our concession combos.  We have recently introduced new combos for a number of our food offerings. These offers are subject to change on an ongoing basis and are continually assessed against a number of factors- including updated menus and feedback from our guests. We strive to convey a balance of value and choice in all such offers.  In response to guest feedback, the most recent change expands the number of candy items that can be bundled within a combo. Despite the change to our offering and our menu panels, we have not increased any of our core concession prices to the items included in the bundles. Also, you may see new combos which your theatre may not have offered in the past.   The a la carte prices for all of our products are advertised on menu boards as well as the specific savings associated with the purchase of products in the advertised bundles.  We greatly appreciate the feedback that you have provided as it is invaluable in our ongoing efforts to deliver compelling menu options for our guests.

I am extremely dissappointed in your decision to remove the prices for combos from all of your signs. When I asked one of your staff why this was done he said “it’s so you can focus on savings, not what you’re spending”. This is outrageous. How can you possibly offer a product without informing people beforehand of the price? For as long as you continue this practice I plan to eat elsewhere before or after any movie I go to see. This offends me as a consumer and I refuse to purchase anything without knowing the price beforehand - this new practice of yours is completely unacceptable. I await your reply and will be watching for a change in this policy before I open my wallet for food at your establishment again.

With a sign at the street that simply reads ‘Restaurant’ and a cursive sign on top of the building that reads ‘Della’s’ this location might be easy to miss. On the outside it looks like any family restaurant and inside as well. At the tables they have cute little trivia quizzes to help you pass the time.

The service is decent but they have the disturbing trend of asking you for your drink order before you sit down. How can I order if I’m still standing and haven’t seen a menu? I suppose that’s just prompt service taken a step too far.

The food is good. In fact if you don’t have the teriyaki chicken dinner entrée it is a mistake you’ll regret. This unassuming little family restaurant has some of the best teriyaki chicken I’ve ever had – they put places that specialize in this kind of food to shame. The bread is also fantastic, the salad is decent. Their mashed potatoes have an odd taste to them that makes me suspect they weren’t made from scratch and the gravy they put on it only makes it worse.

The prices are reasonable, two dinner entrees and soft drinks will run you about $32 USD including a decent tip.

Overall the fantastic chicken, atmosphere, and excellent value more than makes up for any shortcomings and provides a nice break from franchise chain restaurants.

This place really does what it says on the tin. The free WiFi was great. The outdoor pool is only dawn till dusk which is understandable.

The shower stall did present a bit of a problem as the shower head is only about 5 feet above the floor so anyone taller than 5 feet has to duck under and limbo or perform some other act of contortionism if they want to wash their hair and the shower stall isn’t that big adding an extra layer of challenge.

The check in and out process was smooth, efficient, and friendly – no faults whatsoever on the staff.

There is an in-room safe and $1.50 will be added to your bill unless you tell them you aren’t going to use it but the good news is they are very upfront about this and only need to be told once.

The air conditioner is a bit of a problem. The controls are older and yet somewhat complicated so check all the dials when you’re adjusting it. Also, and far more importantly, it’s pretty loud so you’ll need earplugs if you plan to leave it on overnight.

The room was neither spacious nor cramped; it was more or less just what you’d need.

It seems that people tend to check in late and leave early at this hotel. When we left for a late dinner there were only 2 cars in the parking lot, when we came back a few hours later it was packed and the next morning it was completely empty.

The area is pretty good, there are quite a few food options within walking distance such as a restaurant, a Carl’s Jr., a DQ, a Mexican place and many more.

So other than a couple infrastructure issues this is a pretty good place to stay.

It’s out of the way, a trick and a half to get to if you don’t know exactly where you’re going, and not near any other attractions. In fact it’s in a strange part of town with retirement homes next to Lamborghini dealerships, an odd mix of new and rather old but not nearly antique or classic.

The setup is a little odd, food is served like a cafeteria but drinks are more like a pub. Their payment options are nonexistent; its cash only so come prepared not to use any plastic. It’s certainly a unique place but not worth any special effort. The meat is good but the bread is subpar. The décor is just a bunch of old pub signs which I imagine must appeal to someone, just not me.

I know this place has been featured on some Food Network programs but unless you’re a gastronome this place doesn’t really offer much.

You may have noticed a drop off in blog entries of late but that’s largely because I’ve been sick as a dog lately.

Say that these days and the first thought or question in everyone’s head is: Is it Swine Flu?

Well this is what the news has to say about spotting it…
“Doctors say a combination of sore throat, cough, fever, and aches and pains could mean you do have the Swine Flu”

So let’s self-diagnose.

Sore Throat: Nope
Cough: Nope (I may have coughed 2 or 3 times total in the last week)
Fever: Nope (I may have been a little warm but nothing noteworthy)
Aches: Nope
Pains: Nope

Things I am suffering from include: running nose, fatigue, reduced appetite (I’ve actually lost a little weight), dizziness, dry mouth, and weird dreams…and just last night a touch of insomnia.

So for those of you concerned about H-one-to-the-N-one let me put your concerns aside for now. I ain’t well but I ain’t oinking yet.

The LA Times calls The Cleveland Show a keeper, I respectfully disagree.

Now the LA Times doesn’t go into a lot of detail as to why they think so but from the tone of the overall article its analysis seems to be based on ratings.

Well let me point out a couple things.

First, The Cleveland Show is, diabolically, placed between new episodes of The Simpsons and Family Guy, both of which are producing some quality product right now.

Second, The Cleveland Show airs during an uncontested half hour on Sunday nights. Seriously, there’s nothing else on – God knows I’ve looked. Even if MSNBC was airing a repeat of Meet The Press or Friday night’s episodes of Countdown or Rachel Maddow I’d switch for the half hour.

And the simple fact is half an hour isn’t long enough to do much of anything else. Just get into a video game and then have to stop, wash a sink full of dishes without time to dry them. It’s just far easier to leave the TV on and check your e-mail, tidy up a bit, or heaven forbid actually talk to the people you live with. They could air a news program in that half hour and get similar ratings but those ratings don’t necessarily mean people are paying attention.

Which brings me to my third point, The Cleveland Show sucks. I know only two episodes have aired thus far so Jon would probably point out that I haven’t given it a serious chance but once Cleveland left Spooner Street it averages about 2 mild guffaws per half hour with me. And I’m a guy who loves his comedy. I’ll laugh at a lot. When it comes to comedy I like to think I’m easy to please but The Cleveland Show just doesn’t do it for me. The humour is, at best, dated.

And the most interesting character is also the most ludicrous. I mean, randomly having a bear for a neighbor is exactly the kind of absurd focus-group-driven plot device that Family Guy would mock mercilessly on other shows. It’s like Poochie on The Simpsons and yet he’s thus far the only hope for the show. His accent is hard to place and amusing, he says funny things, and his bear-ness provides a not-entirely-subtle counterfoil to the racial stereotypes that typify the rest of the characters. Oddly enough using the bear as a metaphor for racism is one of the few promising concepts the show has but it only seems to flirt with the idea.

Picking Cleveland for his own show was where everything started to go wrong. He’s a minor character on Family Guy that the writers seem to have run out of things to do with. I understand the practical reason of giving the spinoff to a character that Seth MacFarlane doesn’t do the voice for because the guy would be overworked into an early grave and we would have lost something special as a result but I think perhaps we’re going to his well a little too much now. Thankfully Family Guy hasn’t suffered – which also speaks to Cleveland’s lack of value as a character.

One of the other networks really needs to challenge Fox on Sunday nights, particularly during this half hour or else Fox can just keep churning out this crap and people like the LA Times will continue to think it’s gold just because no one else is stepping up to the microphone. Seriously, The Cleveland Show and American Dad are still around but Knight Rider got cancelled? Where’s the justice in that?

We took the one-hour bay cruise and found it to be pretty fantastic. The price is reasonable and there are frequent sailings. The person you talk to before buying tickets was quite knowledgeable. If you don’t have the time to see everything in depth this is an exciting and informative overview.

The audio guide is at different times hit and miss but it’s generally good to keep it on because you never know when some fascinating or useful piece of information may come along and it’s easy to ignore when that’s not the case. The ship itself is no cruise line but it’s sturdy and ideal for its purpose.

The cruise takes you to the Golden Gate Bridge, even going underneath it and around a pillar and then goes around Alcatraz on the far side before heading back.

I went to the old location of the San Francisco Hard Rock Café in September of 2002, little did I know at the time that several months prior they had decided to change locations and move down to Pier 39. I have to say I prefer the old location. Apparently this new location seats more people but it actually feels quite a bit smaller. It’s less exuberant than your run-of-the-mill Hard Rock Café; in fact I would go so far as to say it was the lowest energy location I’ve visited of the chain.

They did have some nice new HDTVs but not all of them were of the same quality, so depending on what direction you were facing you were either blown away by picture quality of the videos or unimpressed.

The food and drinks however we top-notch as always. That’s one constant a traveler can always depend on – it doesn’t matter if you’re in Las Vegas, Berlin, or San Francisco the food and drinks are consistently fantastic at the Hard Rock Café.

I had planned my visit to coincide with my birthday since the Hard Rock Café in Orlando had done such a fantastic job a couple years prior but once I arrived at this location with its dampened spirit I just didn’t have it in me to mention to anyone.

So overall great food and drinks but don’t expect the usual Hard Rock Café personality or exuberance.

First, the obvious tips: buy your tickets online and get there right at open. I generally go to amusement parks in September when I can because they’re generally not very busy but this rule only has a limited effect on a Six Flags. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is – it will get busy.

Medusa is still one of the best rollercoasters in the world. You go up two flights of stairs to board this beast and then the first thing it does is take you up…and up…and then up some more. It’s a smooth but incredibly fast ride which is the perfect combination for me.

Kong is the floorless rollercoaster although Medusa doesn’t exactly have your feet firmly planted anywhere either. It’s a little more jarring than Medusa and while not as tall seems to do more to you.

The Boomerang is a unique ride and coming from an amusement park enthusiast that’s saying something. It’s worth doing but seemed to have one of the shortest lines in the park so I would leave this ride to last or second-to-last when the park is busier.

White Water Safari is fantastic, along with Medusa easily one of my favorite rides in the park but watch out because if you’re in the wrong seat you’ll get beyond wet. This is very similar to the Bluto’s Barge ride at Islands Of Adventure in Orlando. This ride also did not have a significant line-up in September.

In 2002 I went to the park with a friend of mine who was in the Navy, he took one look at V2 and decided we weren’t going on it. Well this time I finally I got to it and it’s actually a pretty smooth ride. The fastest ride in the park the most enjoyable part is actually shooting straight along the tunnel. This thing isn’t nearly as scary as it looks but I guess its looks are enough to keep the line-ups down.

Roar is the bumpiest ride in the park. It would be a great ride if only you weren’t constantly being slammed into the interior. I understand the appeal of the wooden rollercoaster and I would definitely recommend you go on this ride but only once lest you end up with a headache and possibly bruises. I prefer rides to thrill me, not hurt me.

Monsoon Falls doesn’t really compare to White Water Safari at all but it’s still fun, don’t forget to stop and watch from the bridge on your way out. Try standing just to the side of where the ride runs – or better yet put your friend there.

So the rides with significant line-ups are Medusa, Kong, Roar, and Monsoon Falls – I recommend you do these first before the line-ups build. The rest you can do at a leisurely pace afterwards without losing hours of your life.

And of course there are the animals, too numerous to mention but I suggest leaving these until after the rides as they tend to have a larger capacity or just have people move through them faster.

As for food I have to strongly recommend against eating at the Johnny Rocket’s. The service is poor (although prompt), the price is astronomical (even for an amusement park), the food is substandard (makes McDonald’s look gourmet), the presentation is awkward and oftentimes you won’t be able to find a napkin, straw, or ketchup packet to save your life. Don’t even think about ordering a milkshake, they serve it in a glass that is far too small and you’ll end up wearing most of it even if it is the only part of the meal that tastes good.

If you have young children it would be cruel and unusual punishment not to take them to Thomas Town, they’ve truly created something special for the younger ones in that corner of the park.

The lockers are $10 a day but with unlimited in-and-out it’s well worth it – although the change is all coin so watch out if you pay with a $20.

Overall, this Six Flags has something for everyone and is not to be missed.

This Hyatt is not well marked so if you don’t look at pictures of the front beforehand you may have some difficulty finding it but once you do you’re in for a treat. The staff is extraordinarily pleasant. We ended up upgrading our room to an Oversize King option so I can’t speak for the regular rooms. The location is fantastic; you’re within easy walking distance to Fisherman’s Wharf if you go down the hill and Ghirardelli Square if you go along the street. There are other sights you could try walking to but I wouldn’t recommend it and the #47 bus goes right by the front and that will take you to most of the more distant places you’d want to check out.

Parking is insanely expensive but San Francisco is a unique case when it comes to parking, you can park for about $32 per day if you’re willing to walk 2 blocks from a nearby parking garage at the Walgreen’s which is actually a significant savings over what the Hyatt wants to charge.

They do love to charge you for everything. Internet either on TV or WiFi (but not both!) is an extra $10 per day. The TV Internet is dodgy, the wireless keyboard needs a perfect line of sight to work and even then you better hunt and peck because anything faster won’t work. Frankly I’d rather have something wired to the desk that works than a fancy wireless keyboard I could try to use in bed that doesn’t. And the controls are far from intuitive, read the menus carefully before proceeding. It’s a little outrageous when you think any Motel 6 charges $3 for WiFi per day and at a Travelodge it’s usually free but with the money you’re paying to stay at a Hyatt it’s more expensive than most other places. I suppose their regular guests can afford it and the business people can write it off anyways. They have the $5 bottles of water but that’s fine with the vending machines and Walgreen’s nearby and pretty standard. They do provide free whitening toothpaste though which I thought was a nice touch, and plenty of towels and pillows all around.

The TV was nice and well placed. The room came with a coffee maker but the coffee it produced wasn’t worth the time, two sips and the rest you want to send down the drain. The desk/TV stand was very handy and had electrical outlets coming out its ears in very convenient locations which we appreciated. The phone by the bed however had so much static on the line it was incredibly hard to hear who you were calling. The décor was fantastic.

The bathroom was very modern and stylish which was nice but the door wasn’t really a door so much as a sliding wood panel as if you were stepping into a closet and it was a heavy wood with no proper handle so you really had to thrown your back into moving that thing and it didn’t have a lock which wasn’t a concern for us but may be for others. The bathroom was large; there was no bath in our room but rather a very modern-looking shower where water essentially cascades out of the ceiling. It sounds great but the pressure isn’t the greatest and since you can’t really adjust the head coverage is splotchy.

Overall we were really impressed however the room did lack one thing – there was actually very little information about the hotel itself. It mentioned some services and numbers you could call which was grand but it didn’t have, for example, the hours of the pool. Nor did it state if local calls were free, which they almost always are but after the price of their internet access I began to wonder. It had a room service menu and some limited information about their restaurant but after 11pm it all pretty much shuts down. What good is room service that stops before midnight? Usually room service is a godsend when you get back late at 3am or something and want a good meal.

On the whole this is an excellent location if you can afford it but don’t expect the greatest value and while they do the grand flourishes and stylistic touches fantastically they seem to sometimes lose sight of the practical.

When we checked in it was late so the regular lobby was closed. The woman who checked us in was rude, very curt, and clearly did not want me there. She seemed to get angry with me for not knowing what she wanted before she told me and for giving her too much information. She became upset and frustrated when I provided a printout of the confirmation e-mail instead of my ID even though she hadn’t asked for ID. She seemed very put out by the fact that I couldn’t read her mind. The rest of the check in process consisted of her snapping orders at me. We didn’t bother asking for information or a second room key because we just didn’t want the confrontation she was so off-putting. Not once did she say ‘please’ and the only “thank you” I got was at the end when she made it very clear she was happy she wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore, so proper manners would have been better.

That said, the person who helped us check out was very polite.

The pool was small but clean and cool which is ideal for warmer weather but not so great at the end of the day.

It’s somewhat within walking distance to the Six Flags if you’re feeling adventurous. There’s a McDonald’s across the highway but no direct pedestrian access so you’ll still want to drive to it.

They have someone patrolling the parking lot at night which is reassuring.

The room itself is your standard Motel 6 offering, clean and perhaps a bit more spacious than usual.

Vacation is a time when I let loose and stop worrying about money – that’s part of the vacation covenant and I don’t want to do anything to break that however I leaned very heavily on my Visa this trip and given some of the difficulties I encountered that bares further thought before any future trips.

For the first time in over a decade I was faced with the prospect of my Visa card being rejected. First it was because of unusual account activity which is normal when you forget to tell them you’re going on vacation, although apparently my mother had taken care of that for me. That one case is generally easy to rectify with a simple phone call which is exactly what happened. But then on the last day of the trip my card started getting randomly rejected. Denny’s, McDonald’s, and automated parking meters would just say ‘Not Approved’ while bookstores, for example, accepted it just fine. When I called Visa after the first instance at Denny’s they said it was a problem with the merchant not my card and that my card would be fine. When the other instances occurred I was on the road and running behind so I didn’t have time for another lengthy phone call where I get put on hold twice for 10 or 20 minutes at a go. So for that last day we pooled our cash and never made purchases above what we had on hand (which wasn’t much), just in case. Gas stations and Carl’s Jr. took my card thankfully and had they not we could have probably just gone to an ATM or bank and paid some insane fees to get cash but it was still somewhat worrying.

Also when I got home there was a little bit of sticker shock with regards to how much I spent, only by a couple hundred dollars versus what I had figured I’d spend but that number was already significant to begin with, essentially an entire paycheque. I think it’s safe to say it’s the most I’ve ever spent on vacation before, although it also lasted at least a day longer than my last few vacations. I’m not entirely upset about that as the economy, particularly in two of the three states we visited, really needed the injection of spending and it was a rather special vacation but at the same time I don’t know that I want either the Visa problems or the sticker shock to become a habit so I thought I would take a look at the trip like I do in one of my one-month challenges. Not for recriminations or might-have-beens but rather just better understand what I did. As such I will talk exclusively in percentages rather than dollar amounts. Keep in mind I am only looking at Visa charges during the trip itself (so cash purchases like concert merch are not included); these figures do not include pre-purchased things like the Grants Pass hotel or concert tickets.

Here’s the breakdown…

Merchandise: 24%
Restaurants: 24%
Gas: 22%
Hotels: 18%
Entertainment: 10%
Fast Food: 3%

First some notes. I included pizza delivery under Restaurants on a count of you tip the delivery person. I included Krispy Kreme doughnuts under Merchandise because we didn’t eat them on the trip. Hotels represent the Motel 6s we stayed at and the upgrade and other fees at the Hyatt – since this does not include all the prepaid accommodations like the Travelodge, original Hyatt charge, or the Wilsonville Inn & Suites it can probably just be ignored. Merchandise also presents a unique case as I did almost all of my Christmas shopping for my son on this trip so that’s hardly frivolous and will represent future savings. I also included things like batteries and wiper fluid in Merchandise which were both usual vacation purchases. I also think my hunt for tax-free used Final Fantasy games was a bit of a one-off (both in goals and success rate – 4 games!!! I was just hoping for 1!) and I’m likely to get months of entertainment out of those.

Looking forward I doubt my next serious (i.e. non-minibreak) vacation will be a road trip so Gas shouldn’t be much of an issue unless renting a car and even then shall be much less. I did splurge on Entertainment but there were some unique opportunities like the San Francisco Bay Cruise and Dune Buggies that were both well worth it, in the future this could easily go either way depending on location – I’m sure my Vegas Entertainment percentage would have been pretty significant as well.

So there doesn’t appear to be any general conclusions that can be drawn other than $50 cash per day is not nearly enough even when you prepay for many accommodations and entertainment (like Six Flags and concerts) and that this was a pretty awesome and exceptional trip.

For once I’m getting an immediate start to editing the road trip videos. I posted the teaser as fast as the technology would allow. Now the first two episodes of Season 5 are online. I announced their release with links on Twitter and mentioned them on Facebook but I thought I’d keep you blog folks in the loop too…

5×01 Technology Hates Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmEUwoianIQ
Alternate title was “How To Over Prepare For A Road Trip”

5×02 Portland Doesn’t Deserve It’s Own Episode
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HMUbJDncPg
No disrespect to Portland but we spend half an episode getting there and then don’t find anything worth filming once we arrive. Deer in Blaine, technology still hates me, and a giant R on the side of a mountain…I don’t pretend to understand.

5×03 will probably be all about Six Flags and 5×04 is the one everyone’s been waiting for…

Stay tuned.

Overall I had a fantastic time at this show, the caliber of the performers put the old Second City show at the Flamingo in Las Vegas to shame.

I was surprised to discover they had their own dedicated building but the venue was smaller than expected but that made the show more intimate and a little rawer - these guys have definitely not sold out.

They get a ton of ask-fors; I don’t think I’ve seen improv use that many audience suggestions before.

I also volunteered to appear in a couple scenes, one with a visitor from their Chicago location, apparently she was recently voted funniest woman in Chicago. One scene was about coffee and the other about hopscotch. It was a lot of fun doing improv again. They didn’t do the best job explaining the format to me so I guess I looked pretty terrified (when really I was confused) and one of them said to me “don’t worry, we’ll carry you” but once I wrapped my head around it I started getting them out of tight spots.

Probably the biggest and only drawback was the woman working at the concession who had the most horrendous laugh. It wasn’t so much a laugh as someone trying to vocally project the idea of laughing - it’s hard to describe but if you’re anywhere near her you’ll think the world is ending.

Plan your parking ahead as street parking is nigh impossible and very frustrating and the signage for where you’re supposed to park is tiny and hidden.

If you want some quality improv but don’t care where it happens this is for you.

So I was at my mother’s today when I realized she hadn’t seen the minibreak episodes yet. When I went to play them for her on YouTube I was pleasantly surprised to discover little ads for the songs I used popping up during the videos. One click and you’re off to iTunes to buy them legally.

Brilliant move, YouTube. I think they’ve gone and taken a problem (users using music owned by other people but for completely harmless reasons) and turned it into a revenue opportunity. I think it’s fantastic that someone might like a song I use and then go and buy it for themselves.

Now let’s hope they’ve automated the process rather than just doing it for people who disputed the grounds of a copyright claim because I just uploaded the teaser for season 5:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQzzndgtDxo

Remember this is just a teaser; the actual episodes will be in HD and have more of a narrative. This is just to whet your appetite.

Oh, and if you, like my mom, missed the minibreak special episodes, begin your journey here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCA2saS6lbg

This Motel 6 resembles many others although seems cleaner than the norm. The pool is almost exactly as advertised and at a great temperature in September. The rooms aren’t spacious but they do the job. The TV is tiny and from the Stone Age. The bathroom only has a shower rather than a bath but is very modern. The water pressure however sucks and the shower is a little cramped.

The walls are paper thin when it comes to sound insulation so hope for quiet neighbours or expect to call the front desk. The beds are surprisingly comfortable.

The A/C is centralized and therefore not under your control but set to a good temperature - this can bring a slight smell of smoke into the smoke-free rooms but after a moment you don’t really notice it and I have a sensitive nose.

This Motel 6 is a nice place to stay for a night on a journey but not somewhere you’d want to make a destination.

For months people have been saying how the future of television hinges on this one show, this experiment. The idea is that if a talk show can do well at 10pm, then all the dramas in that timeslot – which are very costly to create – could be replaced with inexpensive talk shows or worse yet, more Reality TV.

I have mixed feelings. I like Jay Leno – he was a class act when I met him – but I also like scripted television and believe that unscripted TV, specifically Reality TV, could be the death of the medium. The internet’s already eaten newspapers for breakfast, could TV be on the menu for lunch? Now Leno is of course not Reality TV but it is a shift away from scripted television in the traditional sense.

Its recession economics – what can I create at a lower price to generate equal revenue? Or even if less revenue is coming in what can I do to improve my cost-to-revenue ratio?

I like writers. Particularly I like the current crop of writers – after years of ignoring almost everything on television suddenly there’s more shows I want to watch than hours available. Some of the best television is on the air right now and almost all of it is scripted: 24, The Big Bang Theory, Chuck, Castle, How I Met Your Mother and that’s just on Mondays. There’s also Lie To Me that’s very deserving of mention. Overseas there is some of the best television I’ve seen in years coming out of the UK like Doctor Who, Torchwood, Hustle, and The Sarah Jane Adventures. I can’t remember a time since high school when there were so many quality shows on TV. And there are some great semi-scripted shows as well such as The Daily Show and The Colbert Report – comedies that have on increasingly frequent occasion wandered into hard hitting journalistic backcountry that would make Murphy Brown proud. There are even some fantastic unscripted shows like Dragon’s Den and its American cousin Shark Tank on ABC.

So with TV doing so well creatively (American Idol’s ratings dropped significantly last year which I can only take as a good sign), why shake things up? I don’t want to see a dearth of scripted shows or funding. I don’t want 10pm to be Leno up against another talk show and 3 reality shows. Because then all the CSIs and other procedural crap will get squeezed into primetime and take timeslots away from shows like Chuck. Chuck barely got saved during the up fronts but you’ve got 8 shows out there were you can watch someone die a horrific and bloody death and then watch morons make bad puns about it for the next half hour. Would there not be more diversity on television if one of the CSIs had made room for, say, a second season of Knight Rider? Yea, Knight Rider had its flaws but it was something I could watch with my kid.

The prospect of Jay Leno’s new show isn’t nearly as bad as the evils of Reality TV but like Reality TV it’s cheap to make and that threatens the market of good ideas.

However there is also the possibility that the show just wants to present an alternative to all the crime shows – apparently one of the taglines was “100% more comedy and 98% fewer murders!” and on those grounds I have to respect their efforts.

Now after that rant I suppose I should actually talk about the show on its own merits and not it’s potential threat to television as we know it.

I had mixed feelings. First off I missed the monologue so I can’t comment on that. The car wash serenade was mildly fun but ran way too long, it felt like something SNL would have either rejected or put in the last half hour of a mid-season episode. Jerry Seinfeld was interesting and entertaining and I think it speaks volumes about him that he’s still a huge get 11 years after leaving the spotlight. The Oprah bit had some comedy to it but mostly felt like a commercial.

The Kanye West interview bares much examination. For one thing, this clearly inflated the ratings – it was why I watched I’m mildly ashamed to say. That having been said, Jay was more than a class act, he turned into a real reporter. Like Stewart with Cramer, Jay really held Kanye’s feet to the fire and wasn’t afraid to hold him to task for what he’d done. But Jay also showed compassion and humanity by eventually saving Kanye when he cleared had no idea what to say. Was Kanye genuinely upset? Not until Leno mentioned his mother which told me that’s still a sore wound for him and his emotional motivation had nothing to do with what he did to Taylor Swift. I don’t accept Kanye’s apology for 4 reasons.

One, his ever-so-condescending offer to “help” Taylor out made it sound like he thought she was some unsigned artist needing the lucky assistance of a great big celebrity like him to make a name for herself. Her last album outsold his last album 3 to 1.

Two, he tried to blame the whole thing on the death of his mother over a year and a half ago. “My pain caused someone else pain”? Please. That’s disrespectful to everyone involved. Maybe the death of your mom made you an alcoholic and you were drunk when you attacked a teenager on national television but how you respond to pain is your choice and your responsibility.

Three, he already apologized on his blog but then removed it – how long until he retracts this apology too?

Four, he said he’s going to take some time off to deal with his issues. Until he cancels some concerts or in some other way actually takes action along these lines, it’s just words.

I’m not sure how I feel about, immediately after offering this allegedly heartfelt apology, then taking to the stage and performing a song. Granted he was supposed to do that before this whole dust up and Jay even thanked him for not backing out of his obligation but it’s a little hard to take him as sincere when he performs moments after saying he needs to take a break and his stage presence is built around how awesome he thinks he is, that it’s hard to see humble there.

A part of me couldn’t help but think that in the days of battle rap a truly talented rap artist would have taken the song as an opportunity to lyrically apologize or at least make some kind of dedication or something. Clearly Mr. Auto-tune isn’t that kind of artist. That takes talent and sincere emotion – Wayne Brady is a better rap artist than Kanye could ever hope to be as far as I’m concerned.

So getting back to The Jay Leno Show I wish Jay a level of success that keeps his new show on the air but does not become a runaway hit or financial dynamo that reshapes the industry and I rather suspect that’s what Jay wants as well.

Of course if he wants to become the next Jon Stewart, well, then I wish him monumental success. I’d like to see him rip Glenn Beck a new hole or three.

He essentially assaulted a teenager if you think about it. I do believe it meets the technical definition of assault. What would you call it? If you saw someone physically steal something from a 19 year old girl and then publicly embarrass her?

Kanye offered a half-hearted apology on his blog, and then removed it. AA and Emily Post should set him to rights.

He and Joe Wilson can tour together.

Kanye made the entire industry look pathetic; their silence (except for Beyonce, Kelly Clarkson, Pink and a few others) makes his display look acceptable to them. As a parent I am concerned about the example both are setting. And I am similarly concerned that neither seems to be being held accountable. It sends a horrible message and from a cultural standpoint it appears to be snowballing. Town Halls, then Joe Wilson, then Serena, now Kanye. Serena was the only one held accountable. So outside of tennis it seems this kind of behavior is just fine.

His last album went Platinum. Her last album went Triple Platinum. Country is practically a niche market nowadays, which frankly is generally how I prefer it as I am not a fan of the genre, so outselling a popular mainstream artist from a niche market is actually a huge accomplishment. I liked a couple of Taylor’s songs before this - after this I plan to buy her CDs and give them a real chance. Kanye on the other hand has never and will never see a dime of my money.

Yesterday Mindi was pressuring me to open my birthday present from my mom right away – I was content to wait, something about opening a birthday present during fair felt very strange to me, but her urgency lead me to believe this might have something to do with our upcoming road trip. I was very pleasantly surprised to discover that it was a Tomtom GPS navigation system (it turns out it is NOT named for the all-weather alpacas from The Empire Strikes Back but rather the drums, which was somewhat disappointing to discover although I suppose I don’t have to worry about it smelling bad now). It had been on my wish list for ages, particularly given my affinity for road trips and such, but I honestly didn’t think I’d ever receive one. I suppose Mindi’s urgency was inspired by her fear that I might just up and buy one myself without telling anyone, which was in the back of my mind but this is September – I have rules to govern these situations.

I don’t buy myself anything that isn’t consumable between the beginning of September and the end of any birthday plans with the exception of Star Trek novels. That’s why I picked up 88 Minutes and Watchmen on Blu-ray right at the end of August; I was trying to make it in under the wire. The rule serves several purposes, the primary of which is to make gift buying easier for people. Lord knows I’ve been in my fair share of tight spots trying to buy gifts for other people so I’m happy to make the process easier for others any way I can such as with lists and spending freezes. Some people may think having a list is narcissistic but it’s really somewhat the opposite – I consider myself incredibly lucky to have people in my life that want to mark the anniversary of my birth with gifts and out of appreciation I owe it to them to make it as easy as possible. So with that in mind I should probably make some adjustments to my list: remove GPS and add Slippers…and I’d like to discourage random cheeses, not wanting to sound ungrateful it’s just that I prefer cheese in great quantities, not so much variety. But I digress.

So I started playing with my new toy yesterday, unfortunately we accidentally selected a bad daytime colour palette and I have yet to find out how to change it and for some reason the thing thinks I’m in the UK but deal exclusively in Euros. None of that really affects the functionality of it though and for that it’s pretty awesome. There are a variety of voices you can select – tempting as it was to go with Mr. T (“I pity the fool who doesn’t turn left at the next intersection, sucka!”) I selected a voice that sounds quite a bit like Pierce Brosnan in honor of that classic Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode.

That’s right, in honor of the Simpsons I passed up on Homer himself (“U-Turn! D’Oh!”) and instead went with someone who sounded like a one-time guest star. I guess I’m funny that way.

I was very disappointed that there was no KITT (“you missed that turn, Michael”), William Shatner (“don’t let them do anything that gets you out of that chair, because while you’re there…you can make a difference”), or Christopher Walken (“there’s gonna be traffic”) options. Or better yet they should have Kevin Pollak impressions of Shatner (“Risk! Risk! Is our…business!”) or Christopher Walken (“Stranded!”).

They did however have Burt Reynolds trying to pick up chicks and Dennis Hopper still coasting off Easy Rider. Sigh.

But in all seriousness I think this little gadget is going to eliminate 95% of the remaining stress from the trip – I had already done almost everything possible to cut down on stress as it was. This will also mean we won’t have to buy maps or print dozens of pages of turn-by-turn directions. A lot less time spent managing the trip and a lot more time spent enjoying it. Plus it lets us know the speed limit of the road we’re on and turns red when we exceed that limit by 7 kph or more and has the locations of emergencies services as well as a first aid and car repair database.

And it doesn’t stop there, this will make minibreaks and other roadtrips better too. You can take it with you in the palm of your hand and put it in another car very easily.

When I ended season 3 of the road trip videos with the tagline ‘Minibreak Special: Coming Soon’ I had envisioned doing it as a single episode, like a Doctor Who Christmas Special but when I finally sat down to begin working on it today it fell much more naturally into the format of a miniseries, more like Torchwood’s Children Of Earth – with the same number of episodes in fact. So I present the 2009 Minibreak Miniseries…

Jon’s Journey
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCA2saS6lbg
The title was inspired by the various chapter names of Final Fantasy IV: The After Years

A Grand Day Out?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsIyNe8aO94
The title was inspired by an old Wallace & Gromit short, the punctuation inspired by the genesis-planet-like weather we encountered

Volcano!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjxHFfjgvYE
Named for the dessert, the punctuation inspired by the classic Star Trek episode ‘Operation - Annihilate!’

Monorail!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzqXXGVJbBk
The title is a Simpsons reference, the song choice was oddly apt – an 80s rock anthem about addiction providing the background for a video about my kid’s obsession/love of trains

Gratuitous Cute Kid Footage
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQiQNupmTAI
Let’s face facts, he was the star of this trip, I originally set this to The Tragically Hip’s ‘700 Foot Ceiling’ and Deee-Lite’s ‘World Clique’ but it just didn’t quite set the right mood. Once I realized the theme was childhood innocence the choice of Barenaked Ladies’ ‘Same Thing’ became obvious

Now do please keep in mind this is a miniseries meant to tide people over until season 5, while the production values were the same standard as season 3 the narrative is obviously much thinner (Seattle can hardly compare with Vegas and Anahiem in terms of story-telling potential afterall). Nevertheless I hope you enjoy it, please feel free to leave feedback.